all 13 comments

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Majority of bi people are on the transcult train. Once you are in the gender cult, it's really hard to get the out because they are encourage to cut you off if you even slightly been accused of wrong think. Sorry I have no good advice.

[–]Nani 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

I think at least some of it is the poor acceptance of bis in society. Bi women are fetishes to straight men and bi men aren't manly enough for straight women. To the LG we are often posers invading there spaces and treated like we will just leave for a straight passing relationship. There is a lot of pressure to just pick a side.

[–]usehername[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Is it disrespectful of me to say that I think that's kind of a poor excuse? Homosexuals are far less accepted by society. I'd say the only advantage they have is that gender non-conformity is more accepted in their communities, while bi people don't really have a community and generally mix with heterosexuals and feel more pressure to conform to their roles.

But I don't really think the solution is to just form bisexual communities, because where do we draw the line? I think that bisexuality is a lot more common than people think. If a gay guy is "found out" in Afghanistan, 30 other guys line up to rape him.

[–]Nani 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

I didn't say it was a good excuse just that I think that's a big reason so many are closeted. I will say in my community I think it is actually more acceptable to be gay than bi. A lot of people see bi as sort of choosing to be oppressed or attention seeking if you enter a homosexual relationship whereas for L or G they tend to see it as they deserve love too and can't find it any other way.

[–]usehername[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

in my community I think it is actually more acceptable to be gay than bi

What community is that?

[–]Nani 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Very blue but religious area of the US. Bis are seen as pomiscus and unable to decide.

[–]usehername[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Do you really think that's the biggest reason? It's the only reason that's ever brought up in these discussions and bi people are always complaining about it. I know those mean things are kinda hurtful, but it's really no big deal compared to the massive amount of homophobia (internalized and otherwise) they're grappling with.

[–]Nani 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

For me at least its a leading cause of my internalized homophobia. So story time. I initially came out as a lesbian as a young teen and had a girlfriend all through high school. I had to overcome some homophobia but it was mostly exterior. In college I had my first crush on a man and honestly it threw me for a loop. Family that had accepted me as a lesbian became less accepting if I showed any further intrest in woman and honestly I struggle internally more with it. Almost like I'm a poser for "choosing" to still have homosexual inclinations. Kinda like a non binary identity.

Does any of that make sense?

[–]usehername[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

So do you see any kind of solution for that kind of attitude? Massive propaganda campaign painting bisexuals as... committed? Or something? I feel like the only solution is really tackling homophobia.

[–]PenseePansy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The solution, I think, is getting everyone to understand bisexuality as a sexual orientation. Nothing more, nothing less. It's people coming up with other (erroneous) explanations that causes all the trouble. If we're REALLY gay or straight, then it must be a matter of... confusion! denial! pretentiousness! immaturity! greediness! sluttiness! fill-in-the-offensive-bullshit-blank! etc.

Or, as s/Nani notes above... supposedly being a "poseur" who's "choosing" this: promiscuous and unable to decide. Just the sorts of things people assume when they don't know the REAL reason for our being the way we are.

[–]Nani 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That would help. Both the committed and attacking homophobia. But honestly the we are a large and diverse group that its hard to break any stereotypes. Like sure we can campaign that we can be committed and monogamous but that doesn't change the fact that a significant percent of unicorn hunters/poly groups are largely bisexual. And I don't think all the gender stuff and our involvement with that helps either.

[–]usehername[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just think we should have some kind of bisexual-specific campaign against homophobia. Not sure exactly what it would look like politically or socially, but we have the numbers so it's our best bet.

[–]usehername[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah that definitely makes sense. It just seems like more homophobia from them, though. Like "oh thank god, she can be turned" and they desperately don't want you to "go back". Sorry you had to go through that with your family.