I already know the answer, but maybe typing this to nobody will help me find my point of indifference with it, hahahaha.

I've had my handicap as low as 12.6, it's sitting at 16.8 right now. I went almost all last season without throwing up triple digits. Towards the end I started shitting the bed, badly, but only when I played with people that were close to me. If I paired up with a random I went right back to my usual 87 with shitloads of three putts, making it impossible for me to break 80, but I'm fine with that, 87 is fun golf for me. I'll take it any day of the week.

I went out for the first time 3 weeks ago and shot a 91, with alot of bad putting. Two times since and I put up a 112 and a 113. I've been golfing seriously for 13 years and I'll never wrap my brain around how it can just all go away like you've never played the game or made a shot in your life. I know, I know, it's in my head, and it is, I know it, I understand it, but fuck if it isn't atill so mega fucking mother fucking frustrating!! Okay, rant over, where's the first tee, and what's the course record? FUCK GOLF. But not really, I'm playing tomorrow.