What is the RadFem stance on SAHM feminism?

submitted by usernamezerozero from self.GenderCritical

I married late, had a child at the last minute, and have been a stay-at-home-mom since. I don't regret leaving my career (in fact, it had mostly left me behind). Dependence on my husband is no more troublesome than dependence on a job that had a 50% chance of layoffs every few years. I want to hear your opinions on my life choice. Am I deluding myself? Must one be 100% independent throughout life to avoid subjugation? I'm doubting my decisions, but on the other hand I want to be the one who educates and cares for my (mildly special needs) daughter.

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[–]ellewoodswould 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it’s important to make a private nest egg as a SAHM, because men can honestly leave on a whim. I look to my mom for info on this, she made 6 figures and had a great career but my dad got jealous and then she gave birth to my younger sister-who’s disabled-and was relegated to SAHM status. She didn’t mind it per se, besides being kind of bored at times, but when my dads abuse got worse and his affairs got more frequent she very quickly felt trapped. Whereas before she made her own money and had her own benefits and could leave when she wanted, she was now constantly on the edge of either pleading with my dad for sanity or walking away with her kids and the clothes on her back. It wasn’t until I was older and could afford to help us ALL move out that she was able to leave.

I absolutely believe that you can be a SAHM and support, promote, and engage in feminism. But never get too comfortable.

[–]Moirawr 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When I first started learning about radfem I was worried cuz I’d never stand up to a purity check. Some feminists will razz you for being with men at all. It’s true that a big part of radfem is making sure women have the means to support themselves. So many homeless and abused women are only in that position because their livelihoods are dependent on men. If your husband cheated on you, left you, or abused you/your daughter, do you have a support system in place? Friends and family you can trust? Savings? Job prospects? If not you should, just for the peace if mind, even if your husband is wonderful shit happens. Radfem looks at women as a whole rather than individuals. For some privileged women, radfem may seem to leave them behind, because it focuses on collective issues like abortion, rape, and femicide, and being dependent on men facilitates their ability to harm women. I’m in the opposite boat. My bf is 100% dependent on me lol. I love him so I keep him around. It feels good knowing that at any point in time I could simply choose to leave and my life would be relatively unaffected.

[–]flowmetry 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe you could look into volunteering, community service, or a laid-back part-time job? Not necessarily because you might need it financially, but maintaining outside connections and having a sense of productivity outside the domestic sphere can be important in the long run.