If you could "hibernate" when you were a teen girl, would you have?

submitted by fuckingsealions from self.GenderCritical

I look around at all the young women in my city of a certain class (and race--often white) and I see how they've chosen to be nonbinary. They often have short hair or shaved heads.

It started me thinking...I wish there was an understood period of time when young women could opt out of the hyper sexuality/pornification of girls, male attention, pressure from others to pair off, or pressure to present as gender "normal."

I kind of did this on my own with baggy clothing and other outward "leave me alone" signalling for a few years as a young woman. I got called a dyke and many other names, especially by boys. My mother frequently criticized the way I looked and dressed.

It's making me wish young women could have that space to not have to perform femininity to make adults happy or whatever the pressure is. I hate that young women are so often on a "stage" in society as objects.

I wish this was a normalized stage of life for some young women while they figure their shit out, and that others would kind of just let them live. They can come out of their cocoon later if they want. I think this is what will happen with a lot of nb girls. Part of me admires that they've found somewhat of an escape hatch to relieve the pressure.

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[–]MarkTwainiac 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's making me wish young women could have that space to not have to perform femininity to make adults happy or whatever the pressure is.

I am in complete agreement with your overall sentiment, but don't necessarily agree that the best way to fight back is for girls to hibernate or cloister, cocoon or disguise themselves. Sounds a lot like get thee to a nunnery, lass.

Also, just FYI: in countries where girls and women are largely confined to their homes - and are forced to veil in chadors, burkas, and niqabs on the rare occasions they do venture out in public - girls and women report being sexually harassed, raped and physically abused by males at rates close to 100%.

[–]fuckingsealions[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I appreciate your reply. It feels like there is no answer sometimes.

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

First of all, if you take girl 10 years old to a cryosleep or to some virtual reality paradise, and then return back when she is 18 - she will be still 10 years old girl, just in body of 18 years old women. It will be even more disasterous.

Second,

and that others would kind of just let them live

It is exactly why we are here. And all you described is part of what we all want to achieve, but without hibernation, just as a social norm. And way of getting to that point is what is called feminism. Make a reality where girls can walk freely without fear to be assaulted, where no one would set boundaries of their looks or behaviour for them, where no one will make jokes based on their sex, mutilate them, and so on. And it is not like those problems are dissapearing when we becoming teens or adult women, we just learning how to deal with them better, and that is it. All the pain is staying around and hurting us always.

Closing eyes and hiding under the blanket will not make problems magically disappear. That is why our eyes must be wide open to see all the problems, so we can challenge them and, hopefully, bring an end to them.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Well, the problem is that you can't just solve societal problems by escape, unless you want to stay out forever. Eventually, when you come back to society those same problems will still exist, and may impact you in the same ways. I think we need to fundamentally change the way society views women. Or, if you want to create a parallel universe/completely self sufficient society, maybe that could work, but it won't help the millions of women still suffering.

[–]fuckingsealions[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I agree. I just wonder if giving girls time to grow more unimpeded would make them stronger to join the effort.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think so. Teens have fragile egos and are too easy to coerce.

[–]Shinjin_Nana 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

While I partly disagree with hiding, there have been studies that show that girls do better in all-girls schools where there are no males to harass them.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nope, because even though those years sucked I learned a lot. If I "skipped ahead" or hibernated there's a lot I would have missed.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So much of this issue is covered in “Irreversible Damage”.

I totally despised my teenage years. At times I thought I’d be considered more attractive if I had been a male. Hated my body, still do, although I’m attractive enough/healthy appearing to other people.

My skin was also horrible at times. My hair was curly and “straight” hair was all the rage. My parents weren’t willing to shell out the money for highlights and “cool clothes”. They were super smothering and became worse the older I became. I was definitely isolated from others by them. There were a ton of trans people on the “raised by narcissist” and “raised by borderlines” subs, so I’m sure a history of child abuse makes kids ripe to fall into this cult (as many others).

Not sure if I would’ve fallen into this cult, but I had enough personal experiences of family members having bad side effects from surgery and medication that I might not have fallen for it. I think I would have been too terrified to do anything like this while I was living under their roof. How many of these young people realize how expensive hormone treatments and surgery are!? How are they going to pay for electrolysis, estrogen, testosterone when they can barely pay rent? Who knows.

The pornification of these kids as well as targeted advertising/grooming by the trans brigade has made this issue explode.

[–]Amareldys 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

In the olden days wealthy girls would be sent to convents, and only taken out when it was time to marry them off... It last bit sucks but maybe the convent part was nice?

[–]Delia 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I was taught within a convent and it was nice.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nah. My teen years were peaceful and boring. I had few friends and mostly kept to myself. My parents never cared about the way I dressed. I wore and still wear some of my mom and dad's old clothes.

[–]worried19 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hated middle school and high school. Being gender nonconforming marked me as a total outsider. I went from being a passable boy-looking child to a teenager who was more obviously female. I was lucky I never got sexually harassed, but I was the target of plenty of homophobic comments. I had suicidal ideation and planned to be dead rather than be an adult woman. I'm just grateful I grew up in a small town prior to widespread trans acceptance because medical transition would have made my situation a million times worse.

It would be nice if there was a space for teenage girls to opt out of femininity and female gender roles without having to disavow their femaleness. Little girls used to have that. It used to be allowed for female children to be hardcore "tomboys." Now even that is under threat. There is no place anymore for GNC children or teenagers. It's all considered a sign that they're not truly their biological sex.

[–]radfemmenoir 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If I, as a pre-teen, felt there was a way out of being eyed and cat-called by older men while simply walking past and harassed by boys I was forced to be in school with everyday, and being seen as “fast” by female family members who I looked up to but who judged me for males’ unprovoked response to my developing body...I, for sure, would have taken it.