I think of all the kids who get kidnapped, the people who die in dramatic ways, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time as a shooter targets people indiscriminately. To me, any of those situations would at least provide some meaning and noteworthiness to my life.

I’m having trouble resigning to LDAR since I probably have 60 more years on this godforsaken planet, and I just want something to happen to me. I want to get steamrolled by an out of control vehicle, or held at gunpoint. If I survived, I’d have an exciting story to tell, and if I didn’t—awesome, I’d have an early ticket out of existence.

Eventually my copes will stop working, and when that happens, I plan to move to a large city, and go on midnight walks through dark alleyways to tempt fate. Or wear a black coat while I’m going through crosswalks to increase my chances of getting killed by somebody who’s not paying close attention.