How do you deal with the anger and depression?

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[–]al-Amira 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well, I take daily walks. Most of the time I just do it because I enjoy it - sometimes I do it because I need to clear my thoughts and re-focus on the things that are important to me. I try to avoid things that puts me in a certain mood or state of mind, which sometimes is easier said than done. But for instance, online I avoid as much bullshit as I can. Pay as little attention to idiots as possible. All in all, just do the things you actually enjoy doing I think. Sure, it's probably not the best idea for clinical depression but it works for being down and disillusioned.

[–]weirdlyhaunted 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm getting off toxic social media. The TL ban was the impetus, and now reddit is nothing but a wasteland of virtue signaling and horror porn. Getting back into my irl hobbies, like you. I'm thinking about learning to hunt and spending more time outside.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

I just focus on myself really. I'll write down lists of words that I want to describe me and then work out plans to get there (I never quite succeed, but I guess that's part of the point), breaking things down into yearly / monthly / weekly / daily chunks.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (12 children)

“Words you want to describe” you is such an interesting technique! Does it work? Sometimes I think “man, I need to be less like myself.....” lol

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (11 children)

It works well as a starting point for setting more concrete goals - following through on those more concrete goals is another story though.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I am such an absent minded professor type, I feel like a roomba, bumping into things and getting redirected. Lol. I either hyper focus on a thing or do 10000 little things and forget what I got done and feel like a failure, lol.

What do you do to follow through on goals? Hellllllp meeeee

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

I'm not always great on the follow through, so I might not be the best at giving advice on this, but I've been keeping a bullet journal. Don't worry about making one of those instagram ready journals, those tend to be more pretty than practical. I tend to make to-do lists that I can't possibly achieve in one day and then get depressed when I don't meet them, so instead I just write down everything I did that gets me to closer to my goals after-the-fact and occasionally note any failures (not every little failure like wasting 30 minutes on the internet, but if I eat fast food or accidentally sleep in or something else I want to be able to look back on and track).

Try to only focus on a few things at a time, otherwise you'll get overwhelmed, and make SMART goals (SMART meaning specific, measurable, achievable, reliable, and time-bound). So don't say "I'm going to exercise more", say "For the next 4 weeks, I'm going to lift weights for an hour 3x per week" and record it to keep track.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

You have such a warm-bath of a brain. Thank you.

I find paper actually helps me plan better, it’s too bad my handwriting is a cross between illegible-doctor-script and 4-year-old-child.

When I use digital journals and things I forget my lists, lol. I want to frame a big piece of glass and or plexi and make big lists with dry erase markers so when I am sitting I can see my lists. If I stare at the goals all day I will work up enough guilt to accomplish something.

That SMART list with the words made my heart rate increase, lol. Imagining being productive gave me flash anxiety, hahaha. Especially “time-bound.” Time is overwhelming to me.

I have been walking a lot lately and my phone counts the steps, I find this pleasing. I am a bit of a limit-pusher so I like seeing a metric that is keeping track of my progress. Like lifting, when you lift heavier. That feeling.

What is your weight routine like?

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I prefer paper as well, though I've also been using Habitica for fun. I'll sometimes write down daily goals on an index card or a post it note if I need some structure, but I try to keep my actual bullet journal on the positive side to avoid my natural bent to pessimism.

I struggle with the time bound requirement too and don't always bother with it, but it's important to remember the "achievable" portion. Atomic Habits has really good advice on this too where he says to focus on just getting 1% better everyday rather than trying to do it all at once and to remember that any time you make a decision, it's a vote for the person you want to be. So if you're aiming to eat healthy, eating the occasional fast food meal or junk food isn't too bad so long as you're normally eating well. I have a tendency to let everything fall apart if I'm not perfect and fall into a depressive period, so I find that really useful to keep in mind.

Speaking of which, I haven't done weights since February. Most of my exercise since COVID started has been dog walking with the occasional bike ride or video game game exercise. I had to bite the bullet and quit my gym this week since there's no end to this COVID stuff and I'm unemployed. I'm currently in the process of trying to make dumbbells out of PVC pipe and concrete, so we'll see how that goes and then I'll have to come up with some routine based on what I have. Before COVID, I did a push/pull/leg routine with one big lift each day (bench/deadlift/squats) but I was never great about sticking with it, especially during school semesters, so I rarely made any real progress with weights and was pretty content to just hover around the same weight ranges for all the major lifts.

I like boundary pushing too, but these days I am more focused on just getting something done everyday to avoid those depression pits.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Habitica? I know not what this is.

A good process I’ve devised to counter my rampant pessimism is to try and balance it with an equal weight positive thought or something you’re grateful for. Literally every time you start thinking “what’s bad?” try to think also “what’s good?”

It has helped me because I am a non-believer in the whole positivity-cult thing. I think being too positive or too negative are warped equally, it’s important to be able to hold them both and remember they are temporary etc. For ME. Also: I think “Is this thought useful? Is this worry helping? Does any of this shit matter? FUCK IT” helps me make priorities.

I know what you mean about loading on too much shit and then hating yourself for it when you fail. I used to do that a lot. It’s a hard habit to break when feeling like a blob of useless crap has been your motivation for years, hahaha. And I get the perfectionism too. I have such a hard time focusing on random stuff that I have used “perfecting a process, and making it more efficient” and “knowing the ins and outs of everything, forever, so as to trouble shoot” to help me cope with the lack of focus. It’s like how your muscles compensate for injury or weakness, in a way. Or how people who lose a sense, like hearing, gain strength in their other senses. I feel like my brain is looking for ways things could go wrong, and to be ready to fix them, as compensation for the wrongness of being such a daydreamer etc and so sensitive that my mind gets pulled off track so much. Perfectionism can be compensation born from fucking things up over and over by accident or taking too long. Lol.

I should get that book you speak of; Atomic Habits.

I haven’t done weights in a while either. I miss deadlifts. I love deadlifts. I had an injury prior to COVID from work/repetitive stress aggravated by a horrible life event. Plus all the gyms here are closed. I have light weights at home, and i am going to start that again.

I’ve found that showing up for myself and getting things done despite not wanting to do them has really helped me avoid depression. Also making tough choices. Usually when I make a hard choice I get life-change-related-depression (I swear, I’ve made this up but it’s real to me!), followed by a sense of peace and optimism once the adjustment period wears off. Like leaving a bad relationship or going back to school. Big scary choices. It’s actually so empowering to make them, even when they don’t work out. I wish I had realized earlier than I did that I wasn’t trapped and I could truly choose to be happier.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Habitica is a to-do web / phone app that uses gamification elements, so you level up a little avatar by completing to-dos, earn gold, and get random item drops.

And yeah, I have this weird thing that I never got checked out that made me opt out of trying to lift heavy where my right thigh went numb for months after doing 1 plate squats. I think it was probably sciatica, but it didn't hurt, it just felt like sparkles were going down my leg. I don't know if it was my form or not, but I started opting to increase reps over lifting heavier after that. I'd still increase the weight very slowly on the rare occasion but I never got very far with it. It kind of occurred to me after a while that I didn't really care all that much if I got significantly stronger, that I was mostly lifting weights for ~aesthetics~ and to retain some athletic ability and that was enough for me. I found it really difficult to stick to a regular schedule of increasing weight the way most programs advised anyway as how much I could lift on a given day varied so widely based on sleep, eating, and just whether or not I was in the mood.

I agree that both being overly positive and overly negative can be poisonous. I've had really bad side effects from taking psychiatric medication so I don't see it as option for me anymore - I also just don't want to be reliant on pills for the rest of my life - so I started trying to view my depression as something that can't be fixed, but can be managed. I like the idea of trying to balance out your negative thoughts - I've thought about trying a gratitude journal, but it sounds so.... not me. Maybe I can try putting in one positive thing at the end of each entry in my current journal though.

I definitely recommend Atomic Habits - I don't really like self help books, but I found that one really full of useful advice. I got the audiobook and will still sometimes relisten to some of it when I need a dose of getting my shit together. I'm sure there are also summaries of the information all over the internet too, if reading a self help book is off putting (it often is for me).

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I love earning gold. I used to play rpgs so much that I would have dreams of spending my masses of gold on elixirs and shit. Gameify my life.

Sounds like you had a nerve impingement with the squats or something. Could have just been tight. But yeah, could be a disc or something but you would have that feeling off and on a lot. I love lifting heavy because I love feeling strong. I’m strong for a short person.

Gratitude journal sounds so LAAAAAAAME, but it helps to actually think about the stuff you’re grateful for. Like gold and items. Lol.lots of self help stuff makes me low-key want to vom, but some of it helps. Meditation especially. I was super resistant to it because of lameness but then just started doing it. No regrets. I hate new age inspo everything, so I just take what I can and stop being so gen x about it’s lameness.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    There's a book called Atomic Habits that helps with breaking down goals. I didn't take the adjective idea from him, that's just my own silly thing, but otherwise I follow his advice a lot. Basically I'll come up with something I wish people would associate with me, or that I would associate with myself, like "athletic" or "cultured" and then figure out what that means to me (like does athletic mean being good at a certain sport, looking jacked, being able to run fast, etc) and what I want from it, what I'm reasonably able to do or focus on with whatever is going on in the world or my life (like team sports would be a no go right now), and come up with a sub goal or goals and then figure out what I can do on a daily basis to get there. The end goal is for whatever I'm doing to become a default.

    [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I go for super long walks. Sometimes just moving around outside helps. Even if it is way too hot outside, dealing with the heat seems to work the stress out.

    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

    i too am quite disillusioned and angry: with the MF'g pandemic, the morons running my country, and redneck ass-wipes not wearing masks where i live.

    what helps me be positive is laughing -- i watch reruns of Seinfeld (i love that show) and last night the TV had on this hilarious chick doing a standup comedy routine (must of been old because there was a big audience). that's my advice. find something that makes you laugh -- a TV show or a comedian -- and watch that.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      lolololol are you living in the US? which state? i'm in the reddest part of texas and these people gonna drive me crazy here

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        So you’re a southern butch? Get it!

        [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        Read “Gideon the ninth,” so funny.

        I love Seinfeld too, but think Seinfeld himself is not funny at all

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        oh i agree with you -- the man is not that funny and in the years after the show ended, his comedy wasn't really funny for me either. and turns out micheal richards is racist. :( thanks for the book recommendation -- i'll check it out! :)

        [–]reader 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        There are a few things that helped me: 1. Physical activity, especially long walk and strength training. 2. Healthy eating with lots of fiber, vegetables, legumes and fruits. 3. Taking care of vitamins and minerals, especially D and B vitamins, with B12 included.

        All this make my mind calmer and boost energy levels. Also it is good to have some interest not connected with LGBT politics, so you wouldn't always consume materials, that tigers you. Be it knitting, cooking, sport, gaming or anything politically neutral. If you constantly feed yourself depressing information, it will keep bringing you down.

        [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

        I am weird on this - I am listening to sad music, because it reminds me about good times when I was listening it as well. And it changes depression to melancholy.

        Anger I can control conciously, I learned to do this because of my mental illness and because I feel pain constantly, so I am really easy becoming angry, so I always need to shepherd my own thoughts and perception.

        [–]southpaw 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I workout. You don't need a gym to workout. There are so many bodyweight exercises you can do or you can go for a bike ride. Something about getting your heart rate up helps get rid of the extra anxiety. A lot of people find a lot of benefit from yoga if that would be up your alley. There are so many free work out videos online now. If you are artistic, maybe starting a small flower bed or garden would be a nice thing to get into. I think working with your hands is such an important thing to do. It gives a sense of accomplishment. Also being outside will give you some vitamin D.

        [–]breadtoastyou 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I started by getting off most social media, I just went cold turkey on them. Initially I felt lonely but I filled up my time with consuming media that I like, working on things I needed to get done, and also picking up a habit of reading books again (joining virtual book clubs helped to keep me motivated with finishing books at first and also helped remind me that there are reasonable and understanding people still out there somewhere remaining grounded in reality). I also try to journal daily and include something good about my day or week after ranting so that I end it off on a more positive note. I've been thinking of also looking up some resources on creative writing because I feel like some form of creative expression will help me cope. And I try to make sure my room is well-lit with sunlight during the day. I don't know how much of this actually helps and I definitely still have days where I feel like I just can't take it anymore but overall I feel like my mental health has somewhat improved.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]LesbiSilly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          AHH! I love Calvin and Hobbes! I totally suggest reading them! They are so funny and awesome! Also, try the new show, She-ra and the Princesses of Power. It's an amazing show!

          [–]al-Amira 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          It might be a bit of a redundant advice, given the current state of pandemic, but things like boxing (and anything else that is similar) is great for both anger and depression or being down. It doesn't have to be the same type of boxing people who wants to make career out of it attend, but just using gloves, a partner and focus mitts are great and I think that might actually be a universal feeling due to how humans function on a primal or very basic level when it comes to fight or flight. But... given social distancing and so on and so forth it's probably pretty poor advice at the moment.