I miss my friend

2020-07-22T06:11:20+00:00

[deleted]

Urzsiah · 2020-07-22T07:16:52+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I call that gradual tapering off the "soft ghost," before the full thing and it sucks because you can feel what's going to happen but there's usually nothing you can do to stop it. I'm a multiple ghostee, myself, and I understand the frustration of not knowing why, or where things went wrong, or how to stop it from happening again. For whatever it's worth, I think you sound like a pretty rad lady. If you're looking for more friends, I'm a boring, weird, late bloomer lesbian but I'd never ghost ya! 🤓

Dykexmachina · 2020-07-22T08:17:30+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. How long have you two been friends? How long has it been since you last had a real conversation with her? Maybe she's just going through something and needs space. It's hard to know. I understand your frustration though.

Almost the same thing recently happened between me and my lesbian friend of 4 years (who I thought was my best friend). Her replies got flatter and she seemed to be pushing me away and ended up completely ghosting me. I have no idea why. And I don't buy into the whole "just cut people out/you don't owe an explanation" thing, especially in the context of a long, established friendship or relationship. In that case, unless you committed some act of abuse against the person, people DO need to have the basic human decency to at least offer an explanation for why they're ending things. How can you just leave someone hanging, knowing they will be left agonizing over what happened? It's intentionally cruel, imo. It only takes a minute to text someone.

But that may not be what your friend is doing. Again, it depends on how solid you guys were as friends, what she might be going through, and how long she hasn't been talking to you, etc. Have you asked her why she seems distant? I hope you figure things out. And don't give up on finding new friends!

Les · 2020-07-22T09:26:40+00:00

Aside from the good insight everyone else has posted already it's possible you and this friend are simply drifing apart. There may not be any one real reason for it.

SailorMoon2020 · 2020-07-22T13:21:00+00:00

I understand. I went through something similar a few months ago and now. I became good friends with this woman and daughter both work colleagues, and the daughter stopped talking to me. I reached out and never got a response.

Last week, the woman of the daughter got upset that I wished another co-worker congratulations due to her not liking this co-worker. She seems to no longer be interested in speaking with me.

I'm not upset, nor mad. I am disappointed. However, OP, it is an escape from a potential red flag situation. These women(the mother and daughter) already had red flags swirling around them. I chose to ignore it. Though nothing detrimental happened, it was enough to say, "This is for the best". People who ghost are red flags regardless of the reason. Why? Because it means they lack communication. Communication is important for any successful relationship. Hope this helps!

beholdyourheart · 2020-07-22T17:15:22+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, going from what you've said I really don't think it was anything you did. I say this as someone who has ghosted people in the past - it was literally never because the person did anything wrong, it was because I was going through bad times where I ended up distancing myself from everyone I knew and then never responded again because I felt ashamed about the length of time I'd been silent. It's not excusable behavior at all (I have a promise to myself to not pursue any friendships until I can sort out my ghosting problem) and it's totally understandable to feel hurt because of the lack of any closure, but please try not to hold it against yourself. In ghosting scenarios it's basically always the problem of the ghoster and not the ghostee.

whateverman · 2020-07-22T17:36:21+00:00

It sucks to be ghosted when you have no idea where things went wrong. A lot of us have been there. I've ghosted and have been ghosted.

When ghosting someone, it's never been because of something wrong happening in my life. It's almost always been one of a few reasons:

I didn't think explaining my reasoning to them would have been worth it because I didn't think they would listen.
I had already tried expressing what was wrong and they dismissed what I had to say.
My reasons were ultimately shallow and the person would not benefit in any way from knowing why I was ghosting them.

You never need a reason to cut someone off, but I believe there are times when it is better to ghost someone than to tell them exactly why I want to end things. Most of the time, I either simply don't want to hurt another person or I feel that they won't be open to what I have to say.

One thing that more or less helps me accept being ghosted is just saying out loud to myself that it's over. Just a simple "it's over." Everything ends and this is all temporary.

I'm sorry that she's doing this. You can wonder why she's done it, but that's a good way to drive yourself crazy if you can't emotionally distance yourself from it. I would suggest letting yourself close this chapter of your life instead and not worry about what you could have done differently unless she ever comes back with a solid reason.

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