Rant about fertility clinics

submitted by Fleursdumal from self.Lesbians

I'm not usually the one to complain about these things because I realise that lesbians are a minority and these things are made mostly for straight couples but holy shit am I frustrated. Canada is supposed to be this super inclusive country, but when they rewrote fertility laws in the early 00s lesbians were probably never thought of.

Just becoming a patient was a struggle because straight couples need a doctor's referral and go through a procedure to prove they're infertile. We had to argue with an admin that we didn't need one because two women cannot make a baby. Then we had to pay for this expensive 1h therapy session because straight couples who find out they need donor sperm usually need counseling. It was completely useless because we already knew everything about the implications. I had to get a stupid blood test to make sure my "sperm" didn't have any STDs. Our patient profile actually has me listed as the father.

All of this stuff is frustrating but I would be okay with it if that's all it was. My biggest issue is every time we try for a cycle, we have to explain to them that I can't go give a sample. That my wife doesn't need fertility drugs because we aren't infertile. They never bother to look at our chart and treat us like humans. It often feels like a factory and we're just nameless products. Sometimes they fuck up the cycle and we can't do it that month. Everytime they told my wife "It's fine, you can just try with your husband anyway". We sure can try but no babies will ever happen.

Everyone falls over themselves trying to respect pronouns but nobody at this clinic seems to be aware lesbians may want children. The whole procedure is humiliating and uncomfortable, I wish we could just be treated with some humanity.

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[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 4 fun20 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

I don't understand. Haven't they ever had to adapt the system for lesbian couples before? Or even single women?? I'd probably take in a basic biology book and be like, yeah, so I've noticed that despite being a fertility clinic, you seem to have problems understanding how human reproduction works...

[–]Fleursdumal[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Our doctor understands but I don't know how the nurses ever graduated from school. I think they may have gone to school in a country where lesbians aren't out. The worst part is there's always one or two other lesbian couple there when we have an appointment so it's not like we're a rare sort of patient there.

[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Haven’t you corrected them that you’re not a man? Lol. This sounds crazy.

[–]Fleursdumal[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

When I'm there in person they realise but I can't be at every appointment so when I'm not there they assume I'm a man. Or when I call they assume it's my wife calling.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So annoying

[–]Jamiethiel2018 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Jesus wept. On so very woke. I agree, the least they can do is check your file & see that you're a lesbian couple

It begs the question: Are they assuming a woman & TIM in your situation?

If you have the energy sometime, perhaps write their patients advocacy department, or whatever department interfaces with the public.

Talk about a REAL need for diversity training!

Best of luck!

[–]sootsprite 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Idk, Canada seems to bend over backwards for trans people. Would they really dare to call a stunning and brave transwoman a "father"?

[–]Fleursdumal[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is a board that oversees them since it's partially funded by the gouvernment. I've started writing down every incident with the date and time to make a formal complaint.

[–]beereadit 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don't give these assholes your business, they certainly don't deserve your money nor do you and your partner deserve to go through this mistreatment and humiliation.

I'm sure there are other fertility clinics who will acknowledge that you're lesbians and adapt their procedure for that.

[–]VioletRemi 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Wow, that is really fked up.

And I thought that our ones are bad, where you need to bring a male with you regardless.

[–]Fleursdumal[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Why would you need to bring a man? I've never heard of this. Do they not allow lesbians to use a clinic where you live?

[–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Any women can use, here no homophobic laws, but no laws towards us as well. So if lesbian couple will be married in other country it is fine, but can't marry in the country itself.

[–]Gearbeta 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Yeah idk could you go and find a more LGBT focused clinic that seem to know what lesbians are?

[–]Fleursdumal[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Before we started we did our research and this place was supposed to be the most inclusive. I'm very tempted to change clinic but it would mean having to miss work to redo the blood test and preliminary ultrasound. At this point it's probably worth it.

[–]Gearbeta 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This might be the American in me talking, but I would either complain loudly about the treatment and discrimination you've received or switch clinics. Because if they can't understand that you are not a man, and that you have specific needs as a lesbian couple, I would have doubts as to the quality of their treatment you're getting. If this was not a fertility clinic and they were messing up this bad, anyone would be complaining to the state medical board. You said it yourself, they literally don't even read your charts. Completely unacceptable.

EDIT: I saw in another post that you are recording the incidents to report them. Excellent!

[–]writerlylesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Increasingly, though, it's the 'inclusive' places that are the most homophobic. These days, I'd often rather take my chances with the general rabble.

[–]Ricky_Ticky 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I live in another part of the world but I feel your pain. They do blood test too late and miss a cycle, you set up an appointment but you still have to wait an hour for a doctor to call you in, they don't put an effort into explaining things properly, etc., etc., etc. But the worst part is costs... They charge SO much money for a questionable service