Do real (and self aware) lesbians exist in real life anymore?

submitted by RedditHatesLesbians from self.Lesbians

I have literally never met a real lesbian who ID'd as such. Now, I'm quite young, 16, but I've met multiple bi and pan girls and multiple trans boys at school yet not even one rogue lesbian. Last year I had this friend, let's call her Jill, who told everyone she's a lesbian and dated multiple girls. Then dated a boy, said she was bi. Dated another boy. And now she's calling herself straight again. It honestly felt crushing, I get that at this age everyone is throwing around the wrong labels but come on. Has anyone else experienced this? Are lesbians disappearing or just too scared to come out?

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[–]florasis 39 insightful - 1 fun39 insightful - 0 fun40 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

You teens in USA, live in a strange moment. For once, being openly same sex attracted isn't considered a problem, but also the gender ideology is attacking real lesbianism not including males, having males included in lesbianism and gender non conforming kids (which are mostly homosexuals) being under pressure of transition. Lesbians will always be there, but always much less compared to the bi or the gender retards, unfortunately.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I live in the UK, but I imagine it's pretty similar on our side of the pond. Originally from Poland so it's a huge upgrade, but it's interesting to observe the culture from more of an outsiders point of view.

[–]florasis 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I live in Italy. So Uk is fucked up too? Sigh

[–]sunzzy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

dammit I wanted to move to Italy

[–]oofreesouloo 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Like florasis said, real lesbians don't suddenly disappear. We exist and always have, whether we like it or not. The thing is there are currently brainwashed lesbians who will say they're "biromantic lesbian", who will say they would date a trans woman BUT wouldn't actually have sex with them (what.the.hell), terrified lesbians who simply spit out TWAW in order not to be bullied or harrassed. And finally, there are also lesbians like us, who refuse to comply to the TRAs but are silent in order to protect ourselves. We're very hidden. I speak for myself, I feel more fear now coming out than some years ago, because I do NOT want to attract any TRA, but as soon as you're part of the LGBqorwofmdml community, you are more prone to attract those people so I find that if I'm EVEN more 'discreet' about my sexuality I don't attract the 'problem'. However, this makes our journey very lonely and we can't find each other. Honestly, it sucks a lot.

[–]votkriscan 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The crux of the issue is the changes that happened. Back then, lesbians and gays were on the outside, due to straight society not accepting our sexual orientation. So, lesbians and gays formed community amongst ourselves to find each other. Now, a new "amazing" thing has happened.

Apparently, groups of majorly straight people feel that they don't fit into their own mainstream straight society or are into some things not considered mainstream, or are temporarily going through a "rebel" phase (some teenagers, for example). And a lot of them have decided to move themselves into the LGBT demographic/take on gender and identity ideology. What happens, is that lesbians end up being shifted out.

There are still places around the world, where this hasn't really happened yet. So, external community is still very old-school. Mostly lesbians, Bisexuals, some curious/wanting to experiment and a few bored straight women.

I think if what is happening in the west is solved, you will see lesbians "resurfacing" again. But it's a very long ride to have everything back to how it's supposed to be.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I have said it before, it is only cool to be a lesbian these days, if everyone knows that you are not really a lesbian.

Pretend lesbians, if you will.

Real, actual women attracted emotionally and sexually to women, are having a difficult time.

When men say that they are lesbians, and that real lesbians are somehow expected to date them and have sex with them, something is very, very wrong.

Homophobia in a different form.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Preach. I am more feminine and butch or lesbians at lesbian event are terrible and rude to me without provocation. I do not even go to events or talk to other lesbians anymore. they think I am a pan or a tourist. Pan and straights ruined dating for me.

And BECAUSE I am as educated as I am, volunteer, help others, and am attractive I am told, and in shape, I am stalked by trans and couples chase me and pans who are married to men who want an expereicne and who lie even in person and say they are a lesbian.

I hate hate hate hate hate being a lesbian.

[–]Vernalmuffins 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've kinda experienced this. Most the 'lesbians' I met in high school shortly after fell in love with guys. I held on to saying I was bi way too long. Most people just don't know themselves very well, especially at 16, so it makes sense you wouldn't meet many lesbians who are out and proud rn(and lesbians are also like 2% of women I think? That doesn't help anything either). You'll meet more lesbians eventually <3

[–]WanderingElephant 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

In my opinion figuring out your sexuality is always confusing. Especially if you are a sexual minority. Growing up, you are surrounded by powerful societal norms and messages about who you should be and what you should feel like. These are powerful forces. When I was a teenager, straight sex and straight couples were everywhere, exclusively.These days its straight sex and edgy pseudo-sexual labels / experimentation. Honestly, most young lesbians will try and be like everyone else first, that's the human in us (and me at that age). That's why gold star lesbians were a thing - they were rare. Once they figure out they can't just choose to be something else, I suspect you will know a lot more lesbians IRL.

I don't think Lesbians are afraid to come out - they just aren't heard when they have something to say and are frequently barred from discussions (see Reddit). It's always been like this though- lots of mainstream feminist groups in the past used to dissuade out-and-proud lesbians from having any role in thier organisations (even though feminism arguably applies most to us!!!) because they were worried this would reinforce people's perceptions of feminists as "man-haters" (an old but very entrenched stereotype of lesbians). Feminists could have overcome this - many chose to exclude / silence our voices instead. So if even feminists won't listen to you , or worse, actively remove you from important conversations (this is happening again today btw) where do you go? You hang out with your own tribe, in small private groups IRL and in corners of the internet - where you can speak freely and be taken seriously (and organise).

Lesbians have also always been really uncool - we tend to focus on personal growth and family and careers and education and political change and mortgages etc. - which apparently makes us really boring. Occasionally, a super out-there lesbian artist will get on TV for making art out of hair clippings taken from geriatric inmates on death row, or something, but for the most part we're too normal to be an exciting Club to join as a first choice.

[–]yousaythosethings 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Lesbians have also always been really uncool - we tend to focus on personal growth and family and careers and education and political change and mortgages etc. - which apparently makes us really boring. Occasionally, a super out-there lesbian artist will get on TV for making art out of hair clippings taken from geriatric inmates on death row, or something, but for the most part we're too normal to be an exciting Club to join as a first choice.

LOL! Dying. Yea I mainly know the boring kind of lesbians.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm already a boring lesbian? I don't like partying and going out with friends and I don't plan to drink until I'm legally allowed to, unlike most of my peers. Apparently this makes me uncool. I just sit and play bass in my room alone lol

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I only have talked to lesbians who are complete POS a$$holes and rude af.

And since I have no idea who any of you are, my in person and dating app experiences are all I have, and they have all been very very very very bad

[–]al-Amira 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think that there might be fewer lesbians at that age now than there was say... 15 years ago. Or rather, it should technically be the same or similar amount but I think it is easier to fall into the trap of doubting it or thinking that you might be one of the other sexual orientations that are around today. But it’s not as though there was an abundance of homosexuals in my school either, to my knowledge anyway. Granted my class was a bit weird I think cause we had three lesbians (myself included), one gay, two bisexual girls - all are still that today, in a class of 23 students. But then again, I only knew of one other lesbian in another class so. But it is not as though homosexuals are a large portion of the world’s population to begin with, we’re talking lower than 5% of the population low in most western countries. Saying 1-2,4% is more accurate than saying below 5%. Of course there is no sure way of telling the actual percentages but I doubt they’re much higher than a couple of percent.

[–]oofreesouloo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think cause we had three lesbians (myself included), one gay, two bisexual girls - all are still that today,

God, I miss when sexuality wasn't a trend :' When will this end? First, homophobia from Christians, now 'woke' homophobia from TRAs

[–]carrotcake 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most lesbians i know only came out as lesbians after high school. Maybe some of these bi girls or even the straight ones will realize they are actually lesbians later in life.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    I used to call myself bi when I was 13, but I genuinely thought I must be bi and just a late bloomer. Everyone was starting to get boyfriends and I thought wow we're too young for that? You guys are thinking about boys? Then it finally dawned on me that I wouldn't mind dating girls in the same manner. It was just never discussed as an option before that.

    Thanks for the encouragement! In England, college starts at 16 (University is American college) and I'm starting my first year of college in September. They have a "LGBTQIA" club on their extracurricular activities timetable so that'll be interesting... I imagine it'll just be full of queer theory and nonsense, but who knows. I plan on being an out and proud lesbian when I start, if it comes up I won't lie or keep it secret. Maybe that'll give some other lesbians the confidence to be out too.

    [–]Jinera 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Girl, same. I am twenty and live in the netherlands. I have met one lesbian my age through tinder! We went on a date. But she recently came out as "non binary lesbian" so she doesnt count.

    Other than that I've met two 30 -40 year old lesbians. They were great. They breed snakes, and I fucking love snakes they had a son together. Great people. Other than that I've never met any lesbians despite being out for like 9 years. And my country is not homophobic at all so it's not like they need to hide away

    [–]spirette 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm sorry. it must be a fucking nightmare to be a teenager these days. Even more so than before. I think it's important to keep in mind that being a lesbian has never been easy and never will be. I don't want to lie to you.

    When I was a teenager 15 years ago, there wasn't a single gay or lesbian in my school of 800 students. And this is the kind of thing everybody would have heard about because news travelled fast. I can't think of a single out gay/lesbian student. I wasn't out at the time. And I'm from a very dechristianized European country. There wasn't also a single lesbian celebrity (in my country I mean) that I could point out and think "well she is a lesbian and she is successful and happy". Gay men in the media, yeah sure, but lesbians? Nope. it was a very lonely experience. I'm saying this so that you don't romanticize the past.

    These days, because being LGBT (blah) is trendy, kids are jumping on the bandwagon to look "cool" and "edgy". But it's fake, and as you point out, lesbians are rare. And it's because we are rare. You will meet some later, trust me, but yeah most women are straight or bi which is basically the same thing really.

    But all of my exes were lesbians. So yeah it's possible to meet and date actual lesbians. Just give it time. When these pretendbians are done with this fad, you will be able to sort out the ones who are actual lesbians and the ones who are "pan" or just bored straight girls. Take care.

    [–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I actually dated one of these queer girls last year and I really liked her. I had had a huge crush on her from the moment I saw her. In the end we dated for about a month I was really happy, but she never wanted to kiss me or even hold my hand, she was even weird about quick hugs. We broke up and she got with a boy a week later and was making out with him full-on, turns out I dated a straight girl. I still don't know why she lead me on for that long, since she said she didn't want anyone to know about our relationship it can't have been for popularity. But that whole experience kind of bummed me out. I hope I'll find myself a nice lesbian in my 20s when everyone is more sure of themselves aha

    [–]sallyseton 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Yes lesbians exist and they will save the world. They're quietly awesome and very busy.

    [–]sunzzy 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    We do exist, I think that around our age (I'm 17) a lot of people are figuring stuff out and even then might be scared to come out. That is kinda the case for me , none of my friends know. It seems like people in general are more certain about their identities when they are a little older. But there will be people you know who are lesbians they might just not want to share that right now

    [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yup. Sadly, some of us with short nails do not wear flannel or drive a subaru, and we had a girlfriend from our very first time, are educated, volunteer and have awesome hobbies and our life together, but butch and all other lesbians do not believe we can be lesbians, and harass us and treat us like crap in person if we try to show up for a lesbian event, and on dating apps. Because I am tall and have long hair, and keep myself in shape and am healthy, apparently, I cannot be a lesbian.

    I hate being a lesbian. HATE it.

    (I am not a teen, I am a grown adult woman near 40, and I am a very dynamic, artistic, musician with a lot of education, and have fun. My friends love me. But other lesbians in the US=garbage. Never met a nice one. Not yet. Not in my entire time here. They are abusve and gross, even in person, as strangers, at lesbian events.)

    I am chased by males, gross hairy fecking things, and trans, and couples, and butch give me crap.

    Eff all

    [–]Astrid2448 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I’ve met 10-15 lesbians. A few through school and work, two online (one I’ve met in person, the other I haven’t but I consider a close friend), a few while traveling, and two that I dated. Pretty much all of them are in relationships with women right now and most of them are pretty cool.