Just was thinking

submitted by [deleted] from self.Lesbians

It’s just one of those nights where again I can’t seem to sleep and its like my mind is just going through memories like a movie reel, and it got me thinking...the more I get older, the more I realize that lesbians like ourselves are often really beautiful people. And I don’t just mean that as saying they’re attractive to me, but like in general too. Growing up, I was so used to the word lesbian being synonymous with “ugly”, “unloved”, mostly because the mainstream considered any woman who looked outside of beauty norms and typical forms of femininity or habits were not beautiful, but women are gorgeous, and lesbians especially are really beautiful women (mostly cause hey, they’re especially attractive cause they’re gay! Like us!). I remember when I really began to meet other lesbians in my field similar to mine in a research lab in college, and they were both post docs married to equally beautiful women and it just was such a breath of fresh air to: 1. See that kind of representation in science And 2. See that just cause I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean we are ugly, dirty, dingy, or unkept by society’s standards. I miss them a lot, so I think about them every now and then and wonder how they’re doing..

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[–]beholdyourheart 22 insightful - 11 fun22 insightful - 10 fun23 insightful - 11 fun -  (4 children)

Yeah the few lesbians I've encountered irl have all been beautiful. I think part of it comes from the level of confidence that shows through not really caring about being attractive to men. And I don't always mean in a strictly GNC/butch sense either, I knew a woman who dressed very femme but there was just something different and extra appealing about her style compared to feminine straight girls, even before I knew she was a lesbian. I will say though that finding out a girl is a lesbian tends to make her 100x more attractive to me regardless lmao.

Ngl I'm definitely kinda unkempt and dingy in looks so I'm sorry everyone for perpetuating the ugly lesbian stereotype, I just genuinely like to dress badly and look a bit scruffy 😂 But hey I do shower consistently so I'm at least a few notches above a lot of men

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ngl I'm definitely kinda unkempt and dingy in looks so I'm sorry everyone for perpetuating the ugly lesbian stereotype, I just genuinely like to dress badly and look a bit scruffy

Be you. Unashamedly and confidently being yourself is sexy. Also, the more femme or tomboyish femmes who carry themselves with that dgaf air drive me crazy.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah the few lesbians I've encountered irl have all been beautiful.

Same, all three of the ones I have met IRL 😆

[–]disheveledtomboy 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Ngl I'm definitely kinda unkempt and dingy in looks so I'm sorry everyone for perpetuating the ugly lesbian stereotype, I just genuinely like to dress badly and look a bit scruffy 😂

High five? I occasionally clean up ok...when I want to, lol. And that is mostly getting a haircut, ironing my button downs and putting a crease in my pants. The nice part about being partly scruffy is that I find people more often than not are more relaxed around me. /shrug.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lmaoo no, don’t call yourself dingy! My main point was that women are beautiful even though they dress in ways, act in ways, or look in ways that society claims as unkempt or dingy, which learning that statement is incorrect is important. The fact that women don’t always need to have their hair perfect or dress in the fashion of the times or even be feminine in “typical” ways is a statement to that too.

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Growing up, I was so used to the word lesbian being synonymous with “ugly”, “unloved”,

Same here.

I appreciate your post. I am really trying to rewrite in my mind, my definition of what a lesbian is. Now that I have actually started to accept myself and see myself as one, I really have trouble not attributing all my mistakes and past awful decisions to this sense that there is something ugly and dirty about me as a person, and feeling like it is tied to my being a lesbian. I appreciate your post as a wake-up call, lol.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Insecurity never really goes away, if not for other reasons or for this, at least not for a while..so it’s very hard. I starkly remember when I was first introduced to the word lesbian, in 4th grade a girl was very adamant about bullying me about it, and then and there I thought it was synonymous with “ugly” or “not wanted”. She also would alienate me from the others at recess and call me “it”... Then in highschool I was shopping for new clothes and I wasn’t out to myself yet or anyone else and I tried on a style I hadn’t before and asked my parent if “I looked like a lesbian” cause I didn’t want to look “bad or obvious”. Growing up fucks you up more than you’d care to know, and finding out that lesbian is not a bad word and that lesbians are beautiful makes it all the more easier to realize that the sentiment was wrong and you are beautiful too.

[–]hermiona52 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You got me thinking about something that is only loosely connected to your post. I have a friend who is a make-up artist and she is apparently very good (at least judging by the money she is making). On her saloon's fanpage she's often posting the before and after photos of her clients. I noticed how if it's a strong make-up I usually am more attracted to the before version than the after one. I don't know why, but those face imperfections are part of these women, and it all makes them perfect in my eyes. And generic (even if beautiful) make-up makes them loose their character, things that makes them a unique THEM. Isn't it a bit weird?

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s very weird at all! I think makeup has gone to a trend of over application which completely transforms the face and some look good with it and some do not. I agree that women are beautiful without it, but makeup is their choice, I just don’t want them to feel like they’re only pretty when they have a face full of makeup on..

[–]oofreesouloo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg I love this post awwwww <3

[–]votkriscan 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I've never thought of lesbians as "ugly". There is no common sense to that. Your physical appearance has zero to do with anything except for the culmination of both of your parents genes. If both your parents are "ugly" or you take after the "ugly" one, you will come out "ugly" no matter how heterosexual you are. I find that these train of thoughts derives from two kinds of homophobia.

The first one is the thinking that all lesbians should magically be three times more beautiful than straight women. So when they see lesbians who don't match their fantasy definitions in their minds, they are bashed as "ugly". Even though I like pretty women, this is homophobic. Why should lesbians purposely have to look a certain way instead of being regarded as ordinary people? Literally, straight women who are not good-looking never face the kind of constant expectation and vitriol aimed at lesbians (unless they participate in social and feminist causes which makes them open to attacks from bigots). I never hear anyone say not good-looking straight women are the wrong type of straight just because they aren't very nice-looking. It's only if a woman is not good-looking and a lesbian, it's due to the fact that she is a lesbian.

The next is good old-fashioned homophobia largely by straight men, who are the ones chiefly responsible for parroting the "lesbians are ugly" angle. However, most of these men are ugly/neckbeards themselves, so it's quite irrelevant. Besides, straight men are often the least nice-looking, due to the fact that society and their dating demographic have the lowest expectations from them when it comes to their physical appearance.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Then I guess you were just lucky 🤷🏻‍♀️. I was just sharing something that I’ve been dealing with since I was a child that lesbian was just another word for ugly and that only ugly women are lesbians, regardless if a neck beard told me that or not, which at that age, I wasn’t around neckbeards period and most of this was from straight women.

[–]votkriscan 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And I was merely sharing my thoughts as well, with a focus on how these ideas came into play.

Straight women often echo the things men aim at them. Many straight men abuse the word as a slur towards straight women. Something like, "Oh, if you are lesbian/feminist, you must be ugly, there's something wrong with you and no man or cool people would ever want you. Teehee." So some straight women have come to artificially fear the word, and also use it as a form of self-validation, where they attack others so they can feel they aren't "like them".

Personally, since I'm actually a lesbian, I don't care. I find the jealousy of these men amusing, and these kind of straight women childish and handmaiden-like. I only care about the opinion of pretty lesbians (from where I am from, for example), of which their mindset is rather different.

Straight women in their natural state (minus societal/religious influences) actually do not have a problem with lesbians beyond the "cooties" (like the imaginary assumption of lesbians possibly "perving" on them). They actually dislike women who are prettier than them even more. The psychology behind all of it is rather interesting.

[–]Tarohan 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree! For the longest time time when i was younger and trying to figure out my sexuality, i would avoid the term 'lesbian'. It's hard getting past that wording because of the negative connotations that were taught to me or just shown around me. But I have embraced it and i think its important for other lesbians to as well. We are not all those stereotypes and I have only encountered beautiful women who dont always conform the men's wants.