Back to flirting?

submitted by Ricky_Ticky from self.Lesbians

Let's imagine one day the pandemic is over and those of you who are single, start dating and going out again (I hope there are still lesbian parties left in your area).

Do you feel like you have unlearned to flirt and you need to get back in shape? Or were you never a big flirt and you are secretly happy about the pandemic, as it's a great excuse not to go on dates?:)

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[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 10 fun18 insightful - 9 fun19 insightful - 10 fun -  (15 children)

I had to train myself not to shamelessly flirt with women. No need to stop the good work once the pandemic is over.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 8 fun9 insightful - 7 fun10 insightful - 8 fun -  (7 children)

Of course you did. That is on brand with our resident cowgirl.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

There’s something about country charm that makes a little go a long way.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

You attended the country charm school of flirting and gentlewomanly conduct

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 11 fun9 insightful - 10 fun10 insightful - 11 fun -  (4 children)

Then I moved to the LA area for my masters degree in how to date pretentious women that I have nothing in common with. Graduated with honors.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

That sounds exhausting. Which is why I don’t truly flirt unless I intend to do something about it, hopefully more than once until it sticks. Lol. Pun intended.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 8 fun7 insightful - 7 fun8 insightful - 8 fun -  (2 children)

Moving from nowhereville to LA as a young adult was like going from famine to feast mixed with no accountability. So let’s just say I meant every little bit of it. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Lol

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

Cowgirl Shane was seeming very Shane in those days. Lol

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I would like to think of myself as more of Charmayne James during the day and whiskey fueled little monster as soon as I got off work back then.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I had to train myself not to shamelessly flirt with women.

Good on you. We need more role model flirts to learn from, lol.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

Ice breakers aren’t needed. Just talk to her like you already know her. Smile. Eye contact. Once you have eased into a a easy conversation tactically steer the conversation to a more friendly place. Most importantly be mindful of your body language, and hers. If you watch how someone holds themselves it’s easy to see when you’re taking to them if they are into it. It also gives you the option to back it down if you’re not feeling it. Always worked for me.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Yeah that is what I used to do. I more need to work on stopping the negative spirals of thought in my mind, wondering if I am being creepy, etc.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

I always figured the worst thing that will happen is nothing. So what is there to lose?

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, I guess for my own fears, the worst thing would actually be if I made someone feel creeped someone out. You can't control someone else's feelings though, or the outcome, even if you are ultra polite.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I’m a firm believer in what other people think about you is none of your business theory. If they don’t like you it’s their problem, not yours.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fair enough. :)

[–]Innisfree 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My God once the pandemic is over I think I'll skip a few parties before testing the waters. Give people time to let out the bottled up need to socialize/be intimate.

This is coming from a particularly vivid memory of my shy ass going to a party and this gorgeous girl making a strong move on me, using her body rather than her words. She was dancing very provocatively against me and I was stuck between being delighted and confused as to how to react (she seemed quite tipsy). Ultimately I decided she must be very tipsy, so I backed off.

Next morning I'm on my way to work, being in my head and generally pissed off about having to join the working masses and who do I see beaming at me? I only recognized her when she passed me by and by that time it was too late to run after her and ask her out for a coffee. Talk about regrets :)

Edit: so yeah, it seems I'm no flirt. Looking forward to maybe learning some tips from this thread :)

[–]Innisfree 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (8 children)

I've thought some more about it and from this flirting scale I'm definetly a 2. 😂

  1. I like your shoes (I knew a guy using this as an ice-breaker each and every time :))

  2. Hi, I hope this isn't too forward, but I'd like to have coffee with you sometime. Here's my number, you're under no obligation to ring. (confidently smiles while gracefully backing away)

  3. Hey gorgeous, when do you get off work? I know a nice place where we can go.

No, but seriously ppl, do you have some nice ice-breakers?

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (7 children)

i learned a couple that i really like from a song: 1. if i told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me. 2. if i said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight. i would only have the guts to use them if i knew for certain that the girl was a lesbian.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    i don't think you have to worry about it.

    [–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 5 fun -  (4 children)

    Heyyy, now we're talking! 😊 (sweet song btw)

    i would only have the guts to use them if i knew for certain that the girl was a lesbian.

    Good point!

    So first we need to suss out if she is of lesbionic persuasion. Try to have a handshake to check out length of nails before asking any of the below questions:

    1. Has slender Aphrodite ever overcome you with longing for a girl?
    2. Do you like fried green tomatoes? Quickly followed by:
    3. Are you a "bee charmer"?
    4. What's your favorite KD Lang/Melissa Etheridge/Tegan and Sara/Hayley Kiyoko song?

    If the above, or variations on the above don't work ask:

    5.Are you a homosexual?

    Do weigh in, help a sister out 😂

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

    I once sussed out a girl’s sexuality at a party from talking about how there’s a lot of lesbian representation in Steven universe...too bad after the third date it didn’t work out 😅

    [–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    (writes down "Steven universe, lesbian representation) 😉

    I like these types of discussions, talking to someone about say, bands, and gently slip into more specific lesbian interests. My first gf sussed me out with Tegan and Sara (bless them :))

    Edit: Sorry it didn't work out for you. For what it's worth my gf also went on to woo others :)

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    She just wasn’t looking for what I was wanting and that kinda hurt me a good deal...it happens

    [–]Innisfree 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yeah, compatibility is a tough find. Same for me. Drifted apart realizing we wanted different things. Ay, better luck next time :)

    [–][deleted] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    I never learned in the first place.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Awwww

    [–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 9 fun7 insightful - 8 fun8 insightful - 9 fun -  (7 children)

    Do you feel like you have unlearned to flirt and you need to get back in shape?

    I am staying in shape by training on some women here :)

    happy about the pandemic

    It actually almost doubled my work! And I am pretty introvertic, so nothing really changed in dating scene for me.

    I hope there are lesbian parties in your area

    I wish.

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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              [–]WildwoodFlower 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

              I am very awkward when I try to flirt. It's hard enough for me to work up the courage to talk to a woman I am attracted to, let alone flirt with her.

              [–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

              I don't know about flirting per se, but I used to be a lot more confident about about asking girls out. I lost a lot of that confidence due to some really bad unrelated life events in 2019, and have been trying to rebuild it since then.

              In addition to that, I think most of my hangups about flirting with girls come from my shame in being gay, rather than a natural inclination to shyness. That is part of why I joined a forum for lesbians lol, to try to address that.

              [–]hufflepuff-poet 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

              I'm awful at flirting! I was getting out more and trying to get better before covid happened. Now I'm trying to get back into it a little, dipping my toes back into tinder, still awful at flirting lol I overthink it way too much!

              I love a confident, assertive woman who's not afraid to flirt, makes me melt

              [–]lmaonope333 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

              I dont know how to flirt. I overthink it. before I came out, I used to flirt with a girl in camp. I didn't overthink it because I didn't realize we were lesbians. I just knew I wanted her to notice me

              [–][deleted]  (15 children)

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                  [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

                  I'm really sorry someone actually gave you shit for taking care of your elderly parents. You sound like a wonderful, caring person to me and what they said was jaw-droppingly inexcusable.

                  [–]WildwoodFlower 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                  Thank you.

                  [–][deleted]  (7 children)

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                    [–]Innisfree 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                    You're skirting dangerously close to insulting people, so don't be surprised when someone takes offense. When you use terms like "dead on the inside" about people who may have no choice but put their life on hold because of covid, and then double down by making generalizations about ppl going through incredibly tough experiences like caring for their elderly parents, you don't come across that well at all. If you are a believer in stoicism, no need to disparage those who are not.

                    [–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                    If you had any idea what it was like to watch your loved ones get sick and die you would never say this to another person, have some compassion. Wildwoodflower is less sour grapes than you seem to be, sorry to say. That a whole lot of blind assumption to make about someone you don’t know.

                    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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                      [–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

                      I very much enjoyed the playful banter. I think a lot of us need more humour in these trying times. Pity people misunderstood.

                      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                        [–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                        Right back at you! :)

                        [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

                        Helping mother is not the same as "my co-workers abused me".

                        putting their life on hold in big ways right now is already dead on the inside. Not interested in them

                        And then you said that you was putting your life on hold before. So you are just like "those dead inside". Why anyone should ever be interested in you then? By your own logic.

                        Hating people for something that you are doing or have done yourself - is the worst form of hypocrisy.

                        [–]Innisfree 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

                        As far as I'm concerned, everybody putting their life on hold in big ways right now is already dead on the inside.

                        That's the loudest "Carpe diem" I've heard in a while lol

                        [–]yayblueberries 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

                        Oh well, when I've lost my job to save losers who are just going to go out on 7-10 day vacations to other states anyway, retail employees are posting online saying people like me who lost my job are assholes for getting unemployment and making more than they do like somehow that's my fault, and burger flippers claiming they are better than me because they are considered essential, I'm fucking done. I put my life on hold during the 2008 recession, I put it on hold when I had Lyme Disease, I put it on hold to be abused, I put it on hold for for loser straight people who hate gays, I put it on hold because I didn't want to date tranny-loving lesbians and waited for you all to come around and realize they were horrible people.

                        I'm done putting my life on hold when the vast majority of you have far looser values and morals than I do.

                        [–]Innisfree 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

                        Hey, more power to you. Just take care of yourself and others out there: them usual precautions, masks and distancing whenever necessary and I hope things take a turn for the better for you. I truly do!

                        Edit: still wish you well, but also wish you to find a bit more empathy for those you disagree with.

                        [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

                        The retail people are wrong to be mad at you, and you are wrong to be mad at them. It's our POS government who fucked everyone over and we should all be mad at them.

                        [–]Gearbeta 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

                        LOL I'm totally gonna have to reteach myself how to flirt. I can't want for the anxious feelings again.