Cyber stalking and harassment involves frequency and content, as well as continuing when you have asked someone to stop or someone who inappropriately starts being too much (if they correct after you ask them to change communication amount- they are not trying to stalk/harass generally). Ie, if someone sends you threats, blackmail, insults, or even sometimes compliments mixed in or any one of the above. Hundreds of messages in a brief period. Asking someone to stop or ignoring them, they continue. It’s one thing if thats how the messaging system works and another if its just continuous spam, but targeted. My ex liked to trigger my PTSD related to abuse, would cycle between calling me names and praising me with love bombing, would make threats about herself. I told her to stop 7 times in all, the final time I posted part of her real name publicly on an account because after over a year or two it became too much to deal with and frankly boundaries need respecting. By this point I had also learned an aquaintence had been stalked in person, so I kinda felt more iffy about it than I otherwise would. The long waits would be as traumatizing towards the end because it drew the trauma out longer. If the messages make you regret knowing someone exists, its probably not a healthy relationship of any kind. Especially if someone makes up lies and tells all your friends and does other abusive behaviors, even if its “just” online. It can cross over pretty easy between your job and real life. If its obsessive in nature or just always very very unstable and hot headed, hot cold, cruel, etc. While people being kinda rude online can sting or a friend saying something unkind sucks or a political disagreement getting out of hand can all potentially fall under harassment after continued time, it does not compare often to what this feels like in clear cut harassment and stalking. If someone digs up old shit about you or tried to spread it around or knows people from browsing your accounts etc, it can really make you feel like you have no control over the situation. And whats worse sometimes you cannot stop it. You don’t know if it will start again. You can’t sometimes take any legal action. Maybe your life isnt at risk, maybe you shut down your accounts and start a new. But a slightly skilled cyber stalker will find you again within a couple weeks if you reconnect with anyone from an old online hangout publicly or not, if there is some form of your account public facing even with a random name some will find it because chances are they’re charming in the way a lot of abusers are- and someone believes or likes them better than you.

Dealing with this experience made me rethink everything about how I interact online. I don’t want to be public facing almost at all. I considered legally changing my name in the height of the harassment because it was too much. It’s a lot of someone else's bullshit to take and should make you reconsider cyber security highly if you are the victim. If you’re the asshole doing it, well: I have less then pleasant words but the burden of change is on you.