Desert Island, Lesbians edition (aka ‘Lost’ but make it lesbian)

submitted by Innisfree from self.Lesbians

So imagine there’s an airplane filled with lesbians, they’re flying to Dinah Shore, or it’s an Olivia Cruises ship - lesbian couples galore.

Something mysterious happens, they crash/sink, but they survive (lesbian ingenuity) and shortly find themselves on a desert island. Here’s our cast of characters and a short intro blurb on each:

  1. Kristen Stewart – killer looks, unknown how long can survive without cigarettes

  2. Ellen Page – strengths: permaculture, love of nature; weaknesses: her wife

  3. Virginia Woolf –observer of people, can survive without pen and paper for up to 20 days

  4. Anne Lister – aka Gentleman Jack, shoots rats out of her window for sport, don’t prick her pride or she goes ballistic

  5. Eleanor Roosevelt – peace maker, the force behind The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, weak point: women journalists

  6. Audre Lorde – poet, civil rights activist, dismantling the “master’s house” since 1934

  7. Julie D’Aubigny – 17th century swordfighter, will save her girl form a convent using a dead body (don’t ask), and will set it on fire after they leave

  8. Gertrude Stein – networker, influencer, promoter of all things beautiful, calls things by their name: “A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose…”

  9. Lea DeLaria – proud butch, will make you laugh your panties off, charm skills – 100000000

  10. Leisha Hailey – can make anything out of wood, weaknesses: doesn’t wood”work” without Kate Moennig.

  11. Kate Moennig – expert fisherwoman, committed introvert, cooks a mean chicken.

  12. Jodie Foster – intellectualizes every crisis, comes complete with a huge closet and film camera.

  13. Jane Lynch – can make stones cry, weakness – can’t cry herself

  14. Kate McKinnon – cats, birds and other woodland creatures flock to her like she was Snow White; rendered powerless by Gillian Anderson-looking redheads.

  15. Sarah Paulson – great acting chops, afraid (of everything)

  16. Ellen – sense of humour, favorite hobby: terrifying Sarah Paulson (she calls it 'pranks'), weak point: other people

There’s a complication: the island is populated by a race of thirsty bisexual women – so a few lesbians will have to be ‘sacrificed’ to them. (Cruel, I know :) )

Only three make it back to civilization. What is your pick and why?

Feel free to add your characters (or yourself), and their strengths and weaknesses. Or give us your version of “Kiss, marry, kill”.

Edit: formatting

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[–]VioletRemi 11 insightful - 9 fun11 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 9 fun -  (1 child)

If it is one specific island, I'd love to get there alone, so no one will steal her from me :)

a race of thirsty bisexuals

I hope they are at least women?

[–]Innisfree[S] 5 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Oh yes, let me just quickly edit that - very important specification :)

[–]florasis 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Sarah Paulson weakness is older women, I mean really older. Her girlfriend is 77.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

You should invite Louisa May Alcott, a.k.a. "I have fallen in love in my life with so many pretty girls and never once the least bit with any man"

edit: Lol:

observer of people, can survive without pen and paper for up to 20 days

[–]Maeven 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Julie D'Augniby challenges Kirsten Stewart to a duel over a bruised fig. Kirsten Stewart loses the fight, and then her life for lack of antibiotics to treat the wounds. Julie is cast out of the group.

Ellen Page and Eleanor Roosevelt have a passionate affair, that ends abruptly upon their rescue.

Anne Lister beds several women, before convincing Kate McKinnon to stay on the island and live together in wedding bliss.

Sarah Paulson died of a broken heart after being passed over by Anne.

Ellen (Degeneres?) goes looking for Julie after a number of confrontations with the main group leave her feeling unwanted and burdensome.

Virginia Woolf and Audre Lorde leave the island in a mysterious fog after a night of loud, passionate poetry.

Lea DeLaria, Gertrude Stein, Jane Lynch and Jodie Foster memorialize the missing and fallen after their rescue.

I picked more than three, because I didn't really want to imagine them all dying/dissappearing.

[–]Innisfree[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I really enjoyed that - thanks! 😄 I am beginning to regret putting the "only three can survive" thing in - seems to only limit the possibilities.

Edit: we can't pass this by:

Virginia Woolf and Audre Lorde leave the island in a mysterious fog after a night of loud, passionate poetry. 😂

[–]carrotcake 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel like Kate and Leisha would find their way to freedom - maybe building a boat with wood from the trees? They'd charm and be friends with everybody and with Gertrude's networking skills nobody would be able to harm them.

Edit: Yes, I've decided that Gertrude Stein would be their third friend and the other one that would survive lol. It doesn't make too much sense but it did when I first thought about it.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I root for Ellen Page to survive because she seems like a lovely human being and ohmygodsheissopretty.

[–]MyLongestJourney 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Deleted as I totally missed the point