Do you believe in life after love

submitted by Innisfree from self.Lesbians

The recent post by Bumfuzzle on whether we believe in love made me think of Cher and how we get over our lost loves, flings and unrequited amours.

Personally I remember sending a gif of Rhett Butler walking away saying "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". Getting into running late at night to The Eye of the Tiger. Listening to a lot of sad music (so edgy) :), and a brief stint of smoking cigarettes and counting crows while wistfully staring out of the window. I went full French film on this. You know, suffering with style.

What are some coping mechanisms you remember? Perhaps some unexpected things you did that helped?

Edit: apologies if the topic was already discussed (specifically breakups, rather than depression), I tried searching the sub but nothing came up.

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[–]VioletRemi 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am not sure what can help here, as I am still getting sad when remembering about my love. And it is almost 7 years has passed since her death. First year was very hard, but latter music and gaming helped me a lot. Especially games where I can mindlessly do different stuff, or games that require full my attention.

[–]florasis 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Videogames helped me a lot after breakup. Would be lost without gaming and books. But with them, I know I will always being fulfilled doesn't matter my romantic status.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Masturbate. Exercise

[–]BonesReds 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"I went full French film on this. You know, suffering with style." Made me lose my shit lol!

I've only had one breakup that affected me, and it was awful. I felt lots of anger and was listless. I mostly missed her touch. After almost a year without her I started meeting some new women and that helped get my mind off of things, but I've never been able to form another connection like that. Not sure if I will again. I've begun to accept that, however.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (12 children)

A few days of heavy drinking, followed by a few days of being a complete mess, then a comes the rage fest, hopefully after that’s all over with comes a little bit of acceptance and starting to process the wreckage.

[–]Innisfree[S] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

It's like rip the plaster off version - painful but quick.

Disclaimer: We're not endorsing the alcohol, just the guts to face the wreckage and process it ;)

That being said, what was your poison of choice? I used to find bi girls were best exorcised with beer (it's a happy drink). Gay girls - I haven't found a poison strong enough for that, and I've stopped looking anyway :D

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

Scotch. Not the cheap stuff, a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue cost as much as a good therapists hourly rate and you don’t have to get out of your sweatpants and leave the house.

[–]Innisfree[S] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (8 children)

Hats off to you. I almost want to apologise for using the word 'poison'. :)

Kids live and learn, if you're exorcising gfs through the medium of drink have none of that maudlin stuff like gin, tequila or God forbid - Vodka. And stay away from those frilly coloured drinks that come with umbrellas in them. Femmes are exempt from the above regulations :D

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    Who got over the pain first, your liver or your heart? It been a long time but Black Death is almost exactly what happens when start drinking it.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

    I’m a snob when it comes to liquid comfort. I can’t deal with cheap and gross just for the effect. Bartenders always looked shocked when I order a top shelf scotch or whiskey neat.

    Also it really helps if the sweatpants are the amazing ones UGG makes. If you’re going to be a mess it might as well be an extra comfortable one.

    [–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

    I’m making myself sound really appealing here but I may or may not have just bought UGG sweatpants in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. The only other UGG products I’ve ever owned are 5 pairs of the softest socks.

    If I’m gonna be living la vida quarantine, I will be cozy goddamnit.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I may or may not own 11 pairs of their sweatpants.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I have a bottle of their 10 year old. While it’s great stuff Blue Label is my life sucks go to.

      [–]yousaythosethings 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Mmm scotch on the rocks is my go-to liquor-based drink of choice. Classy and refreshing and makes me feel powerful like I’m plotting to do a hostile takeover of some unsuspecting company.

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      I tried to stay busy by making things. Crafting things with my hands, working on projects, learning how to do stuff I didn't know how to before all kept me preoccupied while it created mental distance between myself and past relationships. There is something therapeutic about hobbies where you can turn your feelings into something new. It's also a nice distraction from those little things you cling to after a breakup that gets you feeling all melodramatic.

      And wow, talk about a blast from the past! I don't know about you all but I could never make out the exact lyrics to this song when it came on the radio. Do I believe in love after love? Life after life? Luff after luff? All my friends would say they heard different things lol. Anyway this song is still a banger and the music video makes me smile in all its dated late 90s glory.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]carrotcake 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        What helped me the most was reading and being in contact with nature. I was lucky enough that after this breakup that wrecked me I travelled to a place with lots of nature. It helped me so much to feel better, I didn't know that this was possible.

        Edit: the other breakup I had I didn't suffer too much but what helped me to forget that I wanted the company that I used to have was focusing in the shit ton of work I had to do. I was wrecked at the end of the two initial weeks but it was because I was mentally exhausted, not so much because I was missing the companionship.