My new gf has never gone down on me

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[–]knownasness 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

either there's some other reason and she doesn't want to tell you it, she think you guys aren't serious enough or she's just selfish. dude honestly, i don't mean to judge or come off as a dick, but from your other posts, i don't know why you're still with her(them?). if it were me i would've been gone. i get that we have a smaller dating pool than our straight and bi counterparts so it may be harder to find someone to vibe with but fuck that.

[–][deleted]  (15 children)

[deleted]

    [–]lmaonope333 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

    she probably just doesnt like the taste of pussy

    [–]florasis 15 insightful - 10 fun15 insightful - 9 fun16 insightful - 10 fun -  (13 children)

    A lesbian who doesn't like the taste of pussy needs her lesbian card removed.

    [–]villeknox 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

    You don't have to like oral to be a lesbian

    [–]florasis 13 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 5 fun -  (4 children)

    Technically, but I don't get how you can be a lesbian and don't like pussy in your face. Like nothing saying loving pussy than having it directly in your face and licking it.

    [–]villeknox 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    Personally, I just... don't like it. And I understand why people find it unusual, but it gets pretty upsetting reading all the time how you're not a real lesbian just because you don't like it

    [–]florasis 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    How can you know like licking pussy? Shame on you!

    Seriously, I don't get what to say. It's extremely strange for a lesbian not to like it.

    [–]CityGirl 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah I'm not really into oral either. It just seems unhygienic to me.

    [–]TalerTest 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Technically, all types of sex are unhygienic. That's what showers are for

    [–]Seahorse 8 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    Of course you're still lesbian.

    But ah...good luck with that lol.

    [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (4 children)

    And we are laready fighting with you, who will go down first ;)

    [–]florasis 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    I'm sure I can convince you to let me do it first...

    [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    You are always too insisting!

    [–]florasis 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Cannot help it :D

    [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    Not like I am against it...

    [–]lmaonope333 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    agreed

    [–]SailorMoon2020 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

    One thing I never understood is why people do not communicate sexual compatibility prior to doing anything sexual. Whether its a one night stand, a friends with benefits, or a committed relationship, communication of the wants and needs prior to getting in bed with one is important.

    I, myself, am not really into giving oral so as a result, I tend to search for women who are either pleasers or submissive because these types of women tend to not care about receiving oral. I don't have time to be writing post on Reddit or Saidit about red flags that even those all the way in Tibet could see.

    You say yourself the sex is phenomenal. Apparently not if you made this post. So which is it? Is it phenomenal and you're okay with your woman not going down on you for the duration of the relationship or is it lackluster and you in fact do want her to go down on you?

    I'm not going to write a book but from this post and your previous post, this is an unhealthy relationship. You are a woman, an adult female, if you are not able to take charge of this relationship nor act accordingly to what this relationship is demanding of you then I look forward to your next post.

    Step up. Tell her what you want. If she says, 'no' then the two of you sit and form a compromise. If she does not desire to compromise or even you then one or the other, or both needs to end the relationship.

    [–]florasis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

    Is not not caring about receiving oral a sign of being submissive? Mmmm Maybe a pleaser. I know that in some cultures, men find giving oral to a woman a sign of submission. Surely I'm not submissive, and I don't think most lesbians are submissive and doormat enough not to care about not receiving it. But I don't know. It's just strange that a lesbian don't like to do the act

    [–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

    In lesbian relationships - one that goes oral is often dominant one, not submissive one. Same as riding one is often the dominant one, not submissive. It is not heterosexual relationship, where it is other way around :D

    [–]florasis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I don't know. It depends. If someone like to receive oral, but is the one who only finger without wanting to receive it, I wouldn't call her submissive. Oral itself doesn't look like an act of dominance like riding a pussy or fingering.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

    You know it’s okay to question things even if they’re good right?

    Of course not. An act is neither submissive nor dominate, a person is. However, submissive women desire to submit, often times that includes performing certain sex acts on the dominant partner.

    I have met many homosexual women who would rather give oral than recieve for various reasons. Only one woman I encountered took offense to me not wanting to perform oral on her but she was bisexual. They have entitlement issues, I believe.

    [–]florasis 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    Entitlement issues? Expecting a partner to give oral sex the same way as the receive it surely isn't entitlment, but the bare minimum to expect.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Women should not have to perform any sex act they do not desire regardless if it's the 'same' or 'bare minimum'. When she says, 'I do not want to' and/or 'no' then it is final.

    [–]florasis 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Nobody saying someone should be forced to do anything. But expecting to receive oral sex, as you give, isn't entitlement, it is quite natural and fair in a mutual relationship where both please each others in a equal manner. That bisexual wasn't entitled just because she desired to receive oral sex, after giving it.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I told the bisexual, "You should want me to go down on you because I want to do it. Not because it's fair." I'd be doing it solely out of obligation which is often times no different than coercion.

    She did not perform on me. We did not have sex due to us not being compatiable.

    [–]Seahorse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm not the least bit submissive, I'm dominant and I much prefer to go down on my girl.

    It's about control and I have it.

    This one might be thinking about too much hetero standards in sex.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      You know it’s okay to question things even if they’re good right?

      Wrong. How long you been in America? You ever heard the expression, don't fix what ain't broken? Same applies to this: don't question what is good. When you fix something that's not broken/question something that's good, it makes the other partner self conscious that something wasn't right nor good to begin with.

      I suggest you go to her and confirm to her the relationship is good. You only wanted to know why oral was a hang up. Tell her you respect her boundaries and you are there for her for when she wants to talk about it.

      Keep in mind that your post about not wanting to call her they/them is not respecting her. Regardless of how we all feel about bi-naries, your girlfriend probably feels like shit and now you're coming at her for not going down. I kind of think she should leave you.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]SailorMoon2020 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Is that not what you desired when you made this post? All any of us have to go by is your post history. We do not know you nor her; we only know what you have written. If you do not want us to dig deep into what may be causing your girlfriend to feel the way she does then why ask for our advice?

        [–]candiedDagon 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        So is oral only very intimate to her when when she is one doing it? ...What? Makes no sense.

        [–]Sarahh 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

        for me it's way more intimate to receive oral than give it

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

        Same.

        [–]begonia_skies 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Agreed, I can understand an intimacy concern when receiving but giving... ehhhhh, I'm not really understanding that.

        [–]Lizzythelezzo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        Are you happy with your sex life? Do you really want oral for its own sake, or are you afraid that the lack of oral sex means something else? (It's also valid if both of these are true for you.) Maybe I'm unusual but I don't really mind if a partner wants to go down on me or not. I think I'd be frustrated if I couldn't go down on her, though.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

          I've heard stories of guys telling this as an excuse not to go down on women. I've also heard from straight female friends that they think oral sex is more intimate than penetration. Since I've never heard this in the context of lesbians, I thought it had something to do with straight people considering penetration the main sex act and I guess compared to oral it can be un-intimate? In my head this logic doesn't make sense for lesbians but I could be wrong.

          [–]florasis 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

          To me genitalia to genitalia is more intimate than oral sex. But oral sex is extremely intimate, it's having the genitalia of someone in your mouth, I would say is extra intimate and a relationship without receiving it would be fucking horrible,

          [–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

          Yeah I agree it would be horrible not receiving, but for me it's not necessarily more intimate than other sex acts. I just think it as a part of sex because if I'm down to have sex with her it implies already that I'm down to oral sex lmao. But that makes sense.

          [–]florasis 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

          I don't know. But thinking of a a total stranger I don't know the hygienic status, I would be less restrained putting my pussy over her or my fingers inside than my mouth on it. Having a mouth on genitalia is pretty gross objectively, and I liking it denotes full attraction

          [–]carrotcake 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          Yeah. Thinking about it that way I agree with you. With someone who I know has a good hygiene and/or is my girlfriend I don't differentiate, but I see why her girfriend would. Anyways I'd be totally ok with my gf thinking it's more intimate as long as that doesn't stop her from doing it lol. I don't think I would be down to date someone who doesn't reciprocate sex wise. If it happened to me I'd probably try talking to her. Its got to be something more than "it's too intimate". They have been together for 4 months.

          [–]florasis 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          I don't get it. They're in a monogamous relationship, isn't like sleeping with some random chick you don't nothing about.

          [–]Seahorse 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          When I was younger I found the act quite overwhelming and intense.

          So it would take some time for me to do it, that being said however, I never let either of us do the act until I was ready.

          I didn't want to have a sexual partner do the act on me and not me on them, to me that's selfish.

          [–]Seahorse 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

          OP that girl ain't the one, but you'll take some time to figure that out and years down the track wonder what you were thinking. I'm sure I'm horribly offensive with that but time will tell.

          Lmao this thread makes me glad of my beautiful girlfriend. I can't believe there's lesbians that expect oral but don't want to give it🤣

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Seahorse 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

            Ok that's quite different.

            After 4 months you guys should be quite intimate though, at some point she needs to trust you enough to want to engage in that act.