My GF seems sexist?

submitted by Sharmen23 from self.Lesbians

Hi all,

I quickly made a throwaway for this, need some advice from my favorite lesbians.

My (24) GF (29) is very masculine while I am very feminine. This is fine and never caused problems however I’ve been getting frustrated with how she ‘talks’ about ‘women’.

She always talks about how she needs ‘a woman’. For doing things as cooking and cleaning for example.

Sometimes when we argue or have a different opinion she says things as ‘women are difficult’, ‘I don’t understand women.’

She doesn’t like to have the idea that she is doing more than 50% of housework for example, although I am the one doing the most.

She drinks and drives but when I call her out she says ‘Women are difficult’, how she doesn’t like to be put under pressure.

Whenever de disagree on something she immediately refers to me as ‘such a woman’.

I’m a bit at a loss and not certain how I should be handling this? Is this normal ?

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[–]TalerTest 34 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 0 fun35 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She sounds really cringey and pathetic tbh. I've got no advice and I'm not sure you can "fix" someone like that

[–]Jillyjanejan 32 insightful - 3 fun32 insightful - 2 fun33 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Umm why are you with her? Genuinely curious

[–]Hydiee 24 insightful - 13 fun24 insightful - 12 fun25 insightful - 13 fun -  (6 children)

I almost feel like this is a troll question honestly. Who is this much of a doormat

[–]Jillyjanejan 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Yeah I thought the same thing. It's written weirdly

[–]Hydiee 18 insightful - 9 fun18 insightful - 8 fun19 insightful - 9 fun -  (2 children)

"need some advice from my favorite lesbians." - I just can't picture an actual lesbian saying that.

"My (24) GF (29) is very masculine while I am very feminine." - unnecessary details, but they serve an obvious purpose in setting the narrative here...

" Is this normal ?" You're 24 years old and you honestly have to ask if this is a normal relationship?

Please.

[–]soundsituation 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

I agree, but I'm also of the opinion that a fun and harmless troll post can generate some energy in a (mostly) dead sub. I enjoyed it.

[–]lmaonope333 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I dont believe its harmless, she's perpetuating negative stereotypes against butches

[–]hunther 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

I lurk in r/AITA and r/breakingmom so much that I can no longer tell that this person Is a troll or someone who just gasslighted herself to oblivion

[–]BigMommyMilkers 7 insightful - 7 fun7 insightful - 6 fun8 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

Who is this much of a doormat

Have you met straight/bi women?

[–]just_lesbian_things 15 insightful - 5 fun15 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Sometimes when we argue or have a different opinion she says things as ‘women are difficult’, ‘I don’t understand women.’

Ask her if she's tried not being a dumb bitch.

Definitely not the most mature or productive course of action, but misogynistic masc of center women will never stop being uniquely hilarious to me.

I don't know why you let her treat you like this. Drinking and driving is dangerous too, not only for you and her, but other people on the road. Tell her to stop being a stupid cunt (maybe phrase more nicely) or dump her.

If I were you, I would've dumped her already. Or she would've dumped me over the amount of sexist, derogatory comments I throw back at her. Different paths, same destination.

[–]yousaythosethings 11 insightful - 7 fun11 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

OP, are you not drier than the Sahara in response to this behavior? It would have me clamped shut and wretching. Yes, she’s acting like a super sexist pig, and it’s especially sad and pathetic to see this behavior coming from a woman. Have you tried calling her out on her sexism? How does she react? Does she not accept that she’s a woman too or is being a woman just femininity, giggles, moral opprobrium, scapegoating, and an anathema to her?

[–]Lessom 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sexist attitudes like that is so gross to me. Unfortunately, not even women are safe from having those views. The whole point of the relationship is that your both women and are equals. I would talk to her about it and mention how it makes you feel. She is an adult and should be able to take it and change her behaviour accordingly. If she doesn’t then it’s on you to to decide what happens next.

[–]piylot 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How does she respond if you tell her making comments like you being "such a woman" are hurtful to you? It's one thing to think your comments are tongue in cheek or lighthearted and continue out because you're oblivious to the impact they're having, it's another to understand they're hurtful and continue regardless.

Better question than "is this normal?" is "is it healthy?", or "is it what you want out of a relationship?". Eg historically lots of unhappy relationship norms have existed for women, but changing these didn't depend on realising they weren't normal, but that they're not healthy. That being said, drinking and driving and then blaming it on women when confronted is not normal at all.

[–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She sounds immature and yes very sexist. If you break up with her at some point, I would definitely mention that outright. Sounds like she has some growing up to do. And no its not normal regardless of how one presents/is, but it is somewhat normalized in society to be this way so its not shocking. IMO most adult women have a lot of internalized misogyny they never try to work through and overcome. And it makes them awful to deal with sometimes even when you want to give those particular women the benefit of the doubt.

[–]chupacabrawitch 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Have you had a genuine conversation with her about her attitudes of other women? I personally don't get it when women are sexist toward themselves... I mean every now and then I might make a dumb joke about being a girl sucks emotionally and how women are complicated when my wife is indecisive but it's in jest and not constantly nor dismissive like how it sounds like your gf may be. You think she might use it as a deflection or something? To derail the conversation? Because that's not nice and pretty inconsiderate of her. Does she think being masculine = being sexist? Cuz I'm more a masculine centered woman but would never use it as an excuse to degrade other women, there's healthy and then there's toxic

[–]WildwoodFlower 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've heard butches make remarks like this as a joke, but only occasionally and they didn't mean it.

[–]Rubyredpython 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Honest question. Why are you still with her? It can't be because the relationship is good because you're having all of these problems. Also, she drinks and drives? That's a huge red flag, so big you can see it from space. Seriously, don't get in the car with this person who has no regard for human life. Also don't share finances or bank accounts. DUIs are expensive and can put you in a deep financial and legal hole.

This isn't normal nor appropriate behavior.

[–]redditbegay 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

She sounds like an abusive tim, how long have you been in this relationship for, OP?

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Toxic masculinity can be a thing is lesbians too sadly