Update: girl I met off tinder ghosted me

submitted by verystablegenius from self.Lesbians

Hey all. I don't have much time to write this out, but I'll try my best.

About two months ago I made a post here that I later deleted that described my experience meeting this insanely beautiful girl off tinder. Like, holy fucking shit. Drop dead gorgeous.

TL;DR Her and I really hit it off. We had extreme chemistry and had a lot of fun together. We went out to eat, she held my hand, we laughed our asses off, had really good sex, and she cuddled me to sleep. I was really excited about our blossoming connection, and looked forward to the times we could hang out. Until one day I texted her, "Hey, thinking of you." And she replied with something like, "you are everything I am looking for in a person, but I am not ready for a relationship." Ouch. I thought I'd moved past becoming emotionally attached to girls I didn't know very well, but damn that hurt. Especially because I was trying to take things slow myself, and I'd never even intimated to her that I was interested in relationship. Anyways, despite that I was choking back tears while reading her lengthy texts that I condensed for you above, I replied something alone the lines of, "Thanks for the fun times. No harm done. Good luck". I wanted to say, "You're making a lot of assumptions and your behavior doesn't match what you've just said." I didn't. I sent the kind and balanced text and then deleted her number.

Anyways, a month later I was at a friend's house rolling my tits off on the best molly I've ever had. I pick up my phone and notice an unknown number had texted me asking me, "Hello?" I replied by apologizing and asking who it was. It ends up being the beautiful tinder girl. She asks me how I'm doing, and some small talk. In my replies to her I am kind and receptive. I stop texting back because I'm high as hell and she eventually starts asking me, "Please will you come over tonight and sleep with me?" I was like, "Damn, what kind of self-love would I have if I dropped what I was doing to see a girl that ghosted me on a moments notice?" She asked me three times that evening to come over. I asked her for some clarification on why she wanted my company so badly when she was very clear about how she felt about me in our last correspondence. She replied by saying, "I'm getting laid off from my job soon, and I plan on moving away from this city and state. My time here is limited, so i thought I'd reach out to you again." I thought that it was really fucking weird, and so did all of my friends.

I am sad to say that my will is weak and I went over to her place two days later. We picked up where we left off and we've casually been seeing each other since then. It's been about a month. Last night, while we were seriously aggressively making out, she stopped and said, "This is a terrible time to say this - but I need to tell you something important. I have genital warts that I contracted from a mistake I made with some random man in France. I am currently having an outbreak, and I have been having an outbreak for the last several months. I didn't have any when we slept together, just right before and right after, but I really think you should be aware and go get checked out." She said this in between tears.

I tried to be as kind as possible. I tried to breathe and be intentional with my words before I spoke. So I said something like, "Thank you for telling me. blah blah blah, that took a lot of courage, blah blah I am deeply sorry that happened to you..." and then I said something like.... "Don't you think you should have told me you were having outbreaks before we slept together.....??"

Anyways, I proceeded to ask her a bunch of questions about her symptoms so that I could prepare myself for the potentiality of having contracted this shitty virus. The next morning I had her drive me to a clinic where I paid $150 damn dollars for the doctor to tell me that there's no testing that can be done, and that I just have to wait and see if I ever get any warts, and even then I may have the virus but may never be symptomatic.

I didn't explain the way she communicated it to me, but she was deeply sorry. But I still feel like...is this a violation that would necessitate me dropping her out of my life? I guess, am I a fucking idiot? Is she a fucking idiot? Like, it's pretty simple, isn't it? If you KNOWINGLY have open sores or extremely contagious bumps on your genitals - even if you're in a period where you don't currently have them - YOU SHOULD TELL THE PERSON YOURE FUCKING THAT YOU HAVE THEM, RIGHT? If I had known she had genital warts, I WOULDNT HAVE GRINDED INTO HER VAGINA WITH MY OWN VAGINA. BECAUSE I DONT WANT GENITAL WARTS. When you have genital warts, even when you're not having any on your genitals, the virus can still be shedding, and the virus can STILL be spread. THEREFORE, she should have told me before we fucked, right?!?!?!?!?!

Anyways, apparently I don't love myself enough to heed all of the red flags with this woman. Can someone please guide me?

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[–]Shinyowl 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm sorry to say this, but everything you've told us now and in the past would have me running so hard and fast in the opposite direction!

Beautiful as she is, intense as the chemistry is, she is an unguided missile at this point in her life. She did you a very bad turn the first time around, and this time is even worse- not informing you that she was exposing you to a permanent virus that could cause further health complications for you years down the line.

Run, my friend.. run like the chill autumn wind!

[–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed. I even though I thought to comment, so many post sound similar to OPs I just stopped.

Also, OP, you never been tested before for stds, stis, etc? The first test I did, I was informed genital warts can't be tested. Just wait six months for a break out or no break out. Also, I suggest paying attention to your pap smear exams. HPV depending on the strain, can also cause cervical cancer.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Jesus Christ....

So yes she should have told you absolutely. My ex girlfriend gave me herpes (not the same thing) I didn’t find out until months after she broke up with me and went to the doctor to get a regular physical which included blood tests CBC and STD and herpes came up. I was always so careful and always got tested so it’s very upsetting and it ruined my self confidence for a while. I’ve never had a break out which I’m thankful for, but the shame I feel for just having it in my system is awful. It’s one year to the day since we broke up and I still haven’t had sex since and with this herpes thing it makes feel so embarrassed because I know I have to say something.

It’s fucked up beyond belief if you have something regardless of having a break out or never having one and you don’t tell the other person whether it’s a hook up or a serious partner. It’s so totally irresponsible and shows a total lack of caring about another person. If you don’t know you have it that’s one thing, but if you do know and don’t say something you’re a trash person.

I don’t know if my ex cheated on me or if she knew she had it or what. She said no, but idk if I believe her or not. She lied pretty often. So idk at least that girl told you, but she should have been honest with you in the beginning, also it sounds like you need to meet someone who’s going to respect you and like not discard you when she wants to and then come back later for sex. You probably need to reflect on your own self worth and love your self a little harder.

I hope you don’t get warts though and if you do just be honest about it. The right girl won’t care and will love you and work around it, but that other girl sounds like she needs to go...like now.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

RUN verystablegenius! RUN!!!

But seriously though, run. Run as far away as you can, as fast as you can because this will not end well. Yes she's hot; yes, 'she's drop dead gorgeous,' but she is untrustworthy and you can't build a relationship out of that. What are you hoping will happen? That everything will be ok? That love conquers all? That things will work out? Even if you don't want a relationship with her, what's the point of sticking around? It sounds like she's just using you for sex and emotional support. Maybe it's not intentional on her end, but think about it: things were great for you two at first; then she suddenly cuts things off. Ok, fine. But then she reaches back out to you in the middle of the night asking for sex? And she doesn't tell you about having an STD/STI whatever until a month in? For whatever reason (maybe she was too embarrassed/ashamed but it doesn't matter), not telling you before having sex means she values what you can do for her MORE than she values YOU.

"Is this a violation that would necessitate [you] dropping her out of [your] life?" YES, but not JUST that. Not telling you was a shitty thing to do, but someone who would use you for sex/affection (intentionally or not) is someone that will hurt you, repeatedly. She already has. Yes, she may be deeply sorry, she may be feeling incredibly guilty, she might not even realize that she's using you, but she IS. Girl, she's using you. She's using you to feel good. Unless you want to torture yourself, which it doesn't seem like you do, GTFO and cut her out of your life for your own sake, for your own sanity. It is NOT worth it. No matter how hot she is, SHE is NOT worth it.

It will be tough. It won't be easy. But it will be worth it. YOUR happiness is worth it. So do like you did the first time: DELETE HER NUMBER. Cut off all contact with her. Do not allow yourself to think about her until you're able to think about the situation rationally. This isn't about being weak willed. Even the strongest of wills will find this hard to break because it's about love, well technically infatuation. And being in an infatuated state is like being high on cocaine (https://www.npr.org/transcripts/301824760). It's not easy to fight; it's like fighting an addiction. So treat it like you would an addiction: get help, immerse yourself in social support, and stay away from any triggers.

I hope that didn't come off as harsh towards you; I'm just trying to tell the part of your brain that's super into her to STOP being so into her. You're not weak; you've caught feels. You love yourself enough to reach out to other lesbians for support, which means deep down, you're not ok with this. That isn't you being weak at all. You just poured your heart out to a bunch of internet strangers! You're stronger than you think. I wish you the best and hope that you can break out of this. Good luck!

TL;DR: RUN, verystablegenius, RUN! GTFO

[–]piylot 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've spent the last half hour googling what the recommended advice on when you can have sex again after having genital warts is and getting very little information. This is a really tough situation, I don't have any answers here. Is your belief that if you ever have an outbreak, or have been knowingly exposed that you should inform every partner prior to having sex? Even if you're not showing any symptoms anymore?

Also, do you know– did she end things because she had an outbreak or just coincidental?