Forced to drop out, no partner, no family, no future

submitted by Imakegoodpancakes from self.Suicide

I'm [30MtF] relapsing. I've entertained suicidal ideas in the past, and I'm back at it again. Every day.

My grant retracted its support, meaning I can't continue my studies any longer, after three years of burning myself out and getting high grades consistently. There aren't alternatives either. I can't pursue my dream of being an Egyptologist.

I have no other dream. No job interests me. All my skills are tailored to a career I hate. Ill never get a career, stability or a sense of fulfilment. There's no point in living any more since I'm just going to rot and waste away.

On top of that I have no family. Zero partner. Barely any friends. My doctors say they're out of ideas, social workers gave up. One of my psychiatrists even tried to get me to accidentally stab myself during an experimental treatment involving drugs.

I live on the fourth floor of my building. I might walk out and jump off my balcony tonight. No effort. Easy.

I want the pain to stop.

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[–]jet199 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Make a spare couple of thousand doing a job you hate and pay for a trip to Egypt.

You could also teach English as a foreign language there. https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/teach-english-in-egypt

Not to worry you but Freud said that being interested in tombs and mummies and stuff meant you had unspoken family secrets growing up which you might not even know now. You little need to dig up your past.

[–]Drewski 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good advice, I will say though that despite Freud's contributions to the field of psychology, his ideas came from studying himself and his patients, and his interpretations are subjective and not necessarily generalized.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Do 10 push ups and then tell me how much saner you feel.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I'll be back in a week to update you.

[–]William_World 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

can you detrans, reverse that huge mistake?

[–]Megatron95 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don't give up on yourself. The pain will pass and there's still joy to be had in this life. I've had a rollercoaster of a life with depression issues but the bad times never last if you're willing to put in the effort to make your situation better. Sounds cliché but I've been there. Reaching out to other people is a step in the right direction. Stay strong.

[–]IkeConn 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Join Star Fleet. Oh, wait. It doesn't exist yet.

[–]iamonlyoneman 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Everybody has jobs they hate bitch, get over it. Go apply to McDonalds or smth and sack up like a man.