Some of the silliest — and most inventive — lyrics I know are in the 1925 fraternity song Collegiate by Moe Jaffe and Nat Bonx. I don't have a choral version to share. It should be sung by a small group of half-drunk frat boys with one of them playing an out-of-tune piano.

Instead, here's Chico Marx playing Collegiate in Horse Feathers (1932), with hilarious introduction by Groucho. The cute blonde is the great Thelma Todd, who was also in Monkey Business (1931). Horse Feathers was my first Marx Brothers movie, so it was the first time I saw Chico play. I instantly became a life-long Marx Brothers fan.

Here are the lyrics, which should be a faithful copy of the now-public-domain sheet music, which has piano and ukulele accompaniments. The cover art is a hoot.

Valentino's famous on the movie screens,
Mister Heinz is known because of pork and beans,
Don't think "me and the boy friends" envy either one,
They've got dough, but, oh! ain't we got fun:

C'llegiate, c'llegiate, Yes! we are collegiate,
Nothing intermejate, no, ma'am,
Trousers, baggy, and our clothes look raggy,
But we're rough and ready, Yea!

Garters, are the, things we never wear,
And we haven't any use for red-hot flannels,
Very, very, seldom in a hurry,
Never ever worry,
We're collegiate, Rah! Rah! Rah!

Douglas Fairbanks picked a Pickford for a wife,
He should worry if the peas roll off his knife,
What's one girl in a million when you're in our shoes?
We've got lots and lots and lots to choose:

Alpha, Beta, Delta Gamma Theta,
Lambda Chi Omega, Phi Gam,
Lemme, Gimme, One-a Haffa Dollah,
Wear-a Arrah Collah, Low!

Sigma, Kappa, Tappa Haffa Keg,
That's the Greek for all the lodges we belong to,
Socker, soaker, Delta Handa Poker,
Eats at ev'ry smoker,
We're collegiate, Rah! Rah! Rah!

Harvard, Princeton, Yale Cornell Virgin'ia,
Dartmouth, Pennsylvania, Milk-shake!
S'lami, P'strami, B'loney and Spumoni,
Chow Mein mit Spaghetti, Yea!

Bryn Mawr, Vassar, Choc'late Frappés Wow!
These are all the colleges that we belong to,
Diet, varies, Maraschino Cherries,
S.O.S. Ten Berries,
We're collegiate, Rah! Rah! Rah!

I love the quasi-Greek "Tappa Haffa Keg" and "Delta Handa Poker" 🃏

A "smoker" is an informal get-together at which people usually smoke.

"Eats" is an old-fashioned word for food.

"Arrah collah" is an Arrow Collar, popular in 1925.

I am completely baffled by "S.O.S. Ten Berries". "S.O.S" is WWII-era slang for chipped beef on toast ("shit on shingle") but I think 1925 is too early for that usage. "Ten Berries"? Your guess is as good as mine.

Collegiate is a wonderful relic of the care-free and exuberant années folles of the 1920s. College boys in 1925 would have been too young to appreciate the horrors of WWI, and the stock market kept going up-up-up until October 1929. It was illegal to sell beer, but not to buy or drink it. So as long as you had a good bootlegger, it was non-stop fun.