I woke up with a feeling like existential crisis but it turned out to be just gas

submitted by Musky from self.whatever

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[–]SMCABwhatever 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Bro, I remember the first time I had a gas issue. I was 38. I was in Rochester, NY on business. I woke up to the most incredible pain I've ever felt in my guts. Not having felt it before my first inclination was to go the emergency room. But something told me to just go to the drug store and get some gas pills. 5 minutes later I was fine. But the pain was shockingly bad. Pretty crazy.

Exactly one month later, my son was complaining about the same thing and his mother wanted to take him to the emergency room, and since I had just this issue I mentioned maybe giving him some gas pills and see what happens.

This was the night before Halloween and I was on my way to a Halloween party all dressed up. She of course called me an idiot and took him to the emergency room. So I'm at the hospital in a Halloween costume that included dirt on my face, missed the party.

$1800 dollars later the doctor comes in and says go get some Beano.

Yes, she asked me to help pay for it. For fucks sake.

[–]Musky[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

$1800 to be told to get beano is wild! I probably would have stiffed them on that bill. Did you help her pay for it?

It's crazy what your insides being inflated like a balloon can do.

[–]SMCABwhatever 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yup, and no I didn't. Not past what I owe per our child support agreement. Hahaha

[–]GuyWhite 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Don’t hold back. Blow it out your ass.

[–]Musky[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

💨

[–]jerkwad152 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I do that a lot.

[–]GuyWhite 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Farting can initiate moving, spiritual outbursts where people profess their love for the Lord.!

Once, when I was on an airplane, I felt pressure increase. I pointed the powerful little overhead vent at my crotch and let the farts go silently. “Oh God” exclaimed the guy in the seat behind me.

Another time, in my elderly aunt’s living room, I let loose a whole slew of farts into her new leather sofa. (I love the f-f-f-feel of farting on leather.) When the delicate aroma reached her nostrils she cried “Good God almighty!”

I farted silently in church. “Jesus Christ” murmured the person in the pew in front of me.

[–]AriShekelsteinDDS 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

About 10 years ago, after a Saturday spent drinking a lot of beer during an all day tailgate and then attendance at an evening sporting event (think steady imbibing/staying buzzed vs getting sloppy drunk), I woke up on Sunday morning with no hangover but with a lot of pain and pressure in my mid section and chest.

I thought I was having a heart attack. I was laying on my back on an air mattress (was staying with a friend). I rolled onto my left side to start the process of pushing myself off the floor, and then it allllll let go. I teared up from a combination of the relief of the pressure and realization that I wasn’t about to die, the sheer absurdity of feeling like my asshole had turned into a leaf blower, and the godawful smell that hit a moment later.

Thankfully, I was sleeping alone in a finished entertainment room my buddy had above his detached garage. I thought I had drawn the short straw on the sleeping arrangements for the weekend, at least until that happened.

[–]Musky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had no idea how common this was!

[–]HibikiBlackThe Easter Bunny 🐰 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just be careful and make sure to take a lot of sunlight.