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◀ WIKI LIST
◀ /u/JasonCarswell/, subsaidits, posts, comments, wiki page, InfoGalactic projects
◀ /s/GlossedAndProfound/wiki/

• GaP Draft1 = GaP : Origin Story, A Brief History On How These Projects Came To Be
  
• GaP Draft2 = BsS : VD, Act 1A - not in screenplay format
  
• GaP Draft3 = BsS : VD, Act 1B - not in screenplay format
  
• GaP Draft4 = G.O : BsS 1A Reviews + 1B Anticipations
  
• GaP Draft5 = BsS: Q: What's In A Name? A: Everything!
  
• GaP Draft6 = BsS: Q: Who/What is vHOPE?
  
• GaP Draft7 = BsS: Plot breakdowns, character arcs, and character backstories
  
• GaP Draft8 = T101 : PProd - Overarching Content Structure
  
• GaP Draft9 = G.O : T101 PProd Overarching Content Structure Review
  

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DRAFT #2 = Bittersweet Seeds: Vomit Draft, Act 1A - Not In Screenplay Format

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1A - Not In Screenplay Format

For the /s/BittersweetSeeds project.

First posted: 2019-06-xx   |   Last update: 2019-06-xx

 

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If you haven't already, you may like to first read:

1. Glossed Over: My Self-Imposed Rules For Writing
   
2. Bittersweet Seeds - Vomit Draft - Introduction
   

BsS - Vomit Draft, Act 1A - Not In Screenplay Format

[ As I said in the Bittersweet Seeds: Vomit Draft, Introduction, I will have these square bracketed italicized side dialogues with you, the reader, that may take you out of the story flow for footnotes, technical, creative, and director notes. Feel free to skip or read these notes later. ]

[ Bullet points are unfinished notes. ]

[ Tables are media references. ]

[ I also said that I came up with an artsy abstract bookend-coda device that will make sense later. While initially pleased with myself, I now wonder if it's actually appropriate for this well grounded story. I hope readers will let me know if it's should stay or go - after they've finished the story to the end. For what it's worth, it won't all be as nearly as awkward to read as the opening. You may just wish to skip to Act 1, Scene 0040. ]

[ Lastly, I need to impart that this story intentionally starts out bland. There is some action, but this is not an action movie and does not need to grab you right off. Typically the main characters are all introduced in the first ten pages/minutes, etc. I'm starting slow to let people know that the future is not so different. Most buildings remain the same. Trees are still trees. The river is still a river, perhaps cleaner, perhaps more polluted. In my neighbourhood I expect everything will look almost identical in 30 years because 30 years ago it was all the same, except for a few newer apartment buildings and the storefronts were all occupied with more businesses without vacancies. People did not have mobile devices other than the occasional Walkman or new Discman as simple mobile phones were bricks. Cable was finally a thing with less than a hundred channels dominated by the big four. Even the post-modern homes on Riverside Drive had already been there for a decade. The more things change the more they stay the same - until they don't. ]
 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0010 - "Opening Bookend"

[ Act 1A is typically 00%-10% of a movie-story. Stage 1 = Set Up (fully in identity). ]

• Abstract visually artsy opening bookend
  
• Camera pans across the Moon (without stars).
  
• ERNEST's male voice moans, "Oh, my girls..."
  
• Blends into...
   
  

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0020 - "Opening Coda"

(Continued...)

• Abstract visually artsy opening coda
  
• ERNEST's male voice, "It all started with the Big Bang..."
   
  

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0030 - "Cosmic Rhyme"

(Continued...)

• CELESTE's child voice, "...Big Bang...", overlaps and fades in as ERNEST's voice fades out.
  
• Cosmic zoom animation illustrates the scientific origins of the known Universe as a little girl, CELESTE, sings her 'Cosmic Rhyme' to the French melody 'Ah! vous dirai-je, maman'.

[ 'Ah! vous dirai-je, maman' was first published in 1761, later arranged by many composers including Mozart, commonly popular as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Baa-Baa Black Sheep, Alphabet song, etc. ]

Cosmic Zoom Video References
Noah (2014) movie clip 'The Creation Of The World'
Contact (1997) movie opening scene solar system'
Cosmic Zoom (1968) NFB National Film Board of Canada Animation

 

[ These lyrics are intentionally excessively info-dense, but I'll gladly accept and consider rewrites. Same goes for everything in this story. ]

♫ The singularity's Big Bang expanded the Universe, ♫
♫ From isotropy cosmic inflation and baryogenesis, ♫
♫ Nucleosynthesis of atoms with cooling radiation, ♫
♫ Density structure formations and accelerating expansion. ♫

♫ Physics and chemistry was info Epoch Number One, ♫
♫ Goldilocks Earth now orbits our Sun, ♫
♫ Where RNA, DNA, and biology grew, ♫
♫ Molecular information was Epoch Number Two. ♫

♫ Neural patterns stored info in wetware, ♫
♫ Then designed info's stored in hard and soft wares, ♫
♫ Epochs Three and Four are brains and technology, ♫
♫ Before Epoch Five of the coming singularity. ♫

♫ Bio, nano, and techno-logies will converge, ♫
♫ And if wisdom survives mass extinction Epoch Six will emerge, ♫
♫ Infusing matters and energies with knowledge and processes, ♫
♫ The Cosmic paradigm awakens Universal consciousness. ♫

It's pretty obvious she's been taught to sing the song from memory without knowing what it means.

After or nearing the end of her song, mixed in without dissonant clashing, soundtrack music may be added.

Soundtrack Inspiration References
Artists - Tracks - Genres
Bedřich Smetana - "Die Moldau" - classical
Bon Iver - "Holocene" - chill pop folk
Radical Face - "Welcome Home, Son" - mellow pop folk
Chicane - "Early" - chill electronica
The Art Of Noise - "La Flûte De Pan" - mellow piano + operatic fem vox
SquarePusher - "Iambic 5 Poetry" - chill acid jazz

 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0040 - "Hill Climb"

(Continued...)

As CELESTE sings her 'Cosmic Rhyme' song we see our camera's cosmic zoom arrive at Earth, like any other day in a suburb of Toronto, almost identical to present day, but is 2050 give or take five or six years.

The camera descends through clouds past surveillance drones to a city park, where a man walks on path as his daughter circles him on her bicycle.

[ We should a stream/river, bridge, and/or train tracks to set and foreshadow later events. ]

The aerial drone camera angled downward circles/pans around them slowly, from a distance, gradually getting closer, but we never quite see his face.

CELESTE's 'Cosmic Rhyme' song concludes.

[ Soundtrack may be introduced. ]

ERNEST: "Good. What does all of that mean? Sounds like science fiction at the end."

CELESTE: "I don't know yet. We just started this term. I can learn anything in songs. It's supposed to make more sense when I'm older."

ERNEST: "They tell everybody that - about everything."

CELESTE: "Who are 'they'?"

ERNEST: "Who knows. Folks who know?"

CELESTE: "HOPE knows."

ERNEST: "Maybe."

CELESTE stops on her bike and points off the path.

ERNEST then pushes her and her bike, off the path over steeper grass, like Sisyphus pushed a boulder up hill. Until he can't.

ERNEST wears a stylish jacket of unique textiles with many practical features. From his top left pocket he pulls out a few pens and puts all but one back. He taps his forearm sleeve screen a few times then pushes it up to inject himself with the oxygen pen, then double taps his watch.

They abandon the bike and ERNEST lifts little CELESTE, his world, like Atlas, up onto his shoulders and continues to hike up the hill without fatigue.

CELESTE: "We climbed the mountain."

ERNEST: "You mean I climbed with a monkey on my back."

CELESTE: "Monkeys can't yodel like I can. HOPE play my yodel song."

From nowhere, Frank Ifield's "She Taught Me How To Yodel" plays and they sing along. Keen observers may later see his smart-jacket has embedded speaker panels.

The camera folllows them as they approach and walk under the leafy branches of a majestic hilltop hardwood tree overlooking a bucolic vista.

ERNEST points to an abandoned bag leaned against the tree, the camera swings close around to finally see a medium two-shot of CELESTE on ERNEST's shoulders and a clear view of their faces. ERNEST gestures downhill, "Do you see who's bag that is?"

 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0050 - "Hill Top"

(Continued...)

CELESTE: "It looks like mo...."

Suddenly two arms spring down from the overhead tree to grab and tickle the girl. CELESTE squeals with delight. CELINE hangs upside down by her knees from a branch.

ERNEST maintains their balance, "She's gone batty!"

CELINE: "Moo?"

CELESTE: "I said Mommeeee...."

CELINE: "Monkey?"

CELESTE: "I said Mommeeee...."

 

 

• ? prefer mom to disposable kid, can always make more, clones, this time just keep the smart ones, dead baby jokes, but am I joking, am I, am I?
  
• "Daddy, I think you're funny - looking."
  
• Gentleness self-contest
  

 

 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0060 - "Hill View"

 

 

• clear skies
• watch drop launch
  • pros & cons
• Worried about future
  • "Consulting" is not fulfilling
  • After Pineal launch then what?
  • I didn't expect a fade out. Most projects build to a delivery. This is a permanent fade.
  • Wow. Are you saying even vHOPE can't help you?
  • I can't tell if my glory days are behind me or if I'm just suffering existential angst and post natal depression. I'm just so tired of vHOPE.
  • A trial separate from your other wife?
  • Other daughter.
  • Whatever. You're finally back with us. Like it or not. You found your way home. Now find yourself. Re-find the refined.

 

 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0100 - "'Domestic' Violence"

• Police abuse at home
• Grandparents arrived early + moving in
• Parking by-laws unknowingly broken, neighbours don't mind, drone was snitch
• Police escalated situation
• Baby sitter arrives 'Pigs don't even know what authentic anarchy is.'
• Will come back this week for private gardens + chicane gardens

• BsS police called to house by social media AI+
• community clampdown + drones
  • introduction of microdrones + invasion of privacy
  • grandparent violations
  • authority stand over + minor abuse + intimidation
  • social 'contract'

• vHOPE community near-mini-riot averted
  • + voting is a joke, etc
  • + strong vHOPE community
  • + political pressure
  • + via private drones live broadcasting despite attempts to block Internet + jam wireless

• Resist the unfair establishment systems as much as possible as often as possible and as long as possible if you want a better world. You won't find innovation, freedom, or a better life enslaved in a herd of sheeple.
  • [ Early in story sets it up. ]
  • [ Also ask early : Can we do better than Capitalism and the American way? Why are some people rich and some people poor? What's the difference between equality and fairness.]

• kids play stop and go with auto-auto + get in trouble for it

• CELESTE comforts bruised Gramp:
• Learn a lesson from me, Pip. They're only gonna get worse. Unless you're rich or pay their salaries.

 

 

conclude with transition* to vHOPE exposition, options:

• Transition would be nice to be clever.
  
  • 1. Medium shot set 1: Man talks to girl, intensifies.
    
  • 2. Closer shot set 1: Girl asks question, higher intensity.
    
  • 3. Tight close up: Man answers and as camera pulls back as intensity ebbs, it's revealed that it's actually set 2, and he's talking to someone(s) else about something else.
    

1) clever segue into vHOPE exposition presentation
2) mention lecture then cut to "consulting" lecture
* maybe introduce other characters
* then vHOPE exposition presentation
* maybe introduce other characters
* segue into leaving + returning home
3) ask what would Gloria think, then cut to her...

 

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BITTERSWEET SEEDS - Vomit Draft, Act 1, Scene 0200 - "Opening Credits & Titles"

• OPENING CREDITS over vHOPE introductory video exposition
• What is vHOPE...?
• -

 

 

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BsS - Feedback

The /s/BittersweetSeeds subsaidit and its posts are locked, for publishing only, and they'll be updated over time.

Please freely join in on this dedicated /s/GlossedOver open discussion, and specifically about this BsS Vomit Draft Act 1A give feedback with [comments and reviews here](▶▶▶▶▶_ADD LINK HERE!!!_◀◀◀◀◀).

I welcome all constructive criticism. This first pass will have issues with it. Some I may already know about with ready solutions, some need working out, some I know still need resolving but don't yet know how, and I'm guessing there are some issues I haven't even considered. Thanks in advance, and I apologize in advance if I don't get a response to you sooner than later.
 

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▶ Glossed And Profound & Glossed Over & Truther Top 20s = FLOSS content ◀
▶ Bittersweet Seeds & Trutherism 101 © Jason Carswell of Glossed And Profound ◀
▶ Once established with sufficient momentum, sustainability, and security, these projects will be open-sourced. Upon the untimely demise of Jason Carswell all become F/LOSS.
▶ /s/GlossedOver + Content Overview + wiki, participation discussion over all 5 projects
▶ /s/GlossedAndProfound + Content Overview + wiki, management
▶ /s/BittersweetSeeds + Content Overview + wiki, in development
▶ /s/Trutherism101 + Content Overview + wiki + InfoGalactic T101, in development
▶ /s/TrutherTop20s + wiki + InfoGalactic TT20, ongoing
▶ donate options + merchandise store = coming eventually
▶ GlossedAndProfound.com, BittersweetSeeds.com, and Trutherism101.com were registered on 2019-05-01 for future use. Long in conception, finally here on SaidIt, the official origin place, started on May Day, 2019. May 1 is a metonym for International Workers Day, a day of celebration of the working class. Behind it lies a complex largely forgotten history dating back over one-and-a-half centuries. Look into it.

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