LifestyleDemisexuality from an embarrassed ex-demisexual

submitted by ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah from lesbianandgaynews.com

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[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I consider demisexuality to be a description of how someone experiences their sexual attraction instead of its own sexual identity.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I like how she clarified the definition. A lot of people misunderstand it to mean 'likes to wait before having sex' when that's not what it is.

I actually heard of demisexuality through my mother. She found an article published in a newspaper and forwarded it to me, suggesting I read it as she thought it sounded ‘like me’.

I don't blame the mom at all. She saw something she thought applied to her daughter and tried to be supportive. My mom did similar things when I IDed as trans. A lot of 'normies' are just well meaning people with good intentions trying to navigate clown world as best they can.

many people will nod their heads and recognise this as an entirely average and non-remarkable concept, not worthy of any such label, especially one that is being pushed under the ‘queer umbrella’. Those people are spot-on.

My feelings exactly. It's not a sexuality. It's a preference within all sexualities.

I always knew I was only attracted to women

Where's that troll from a few months ago that tried to tell me lesbians and gays couldn't be 'demisexual' because 'bEInG dEmI MeAnS yOUr'E aTtRaCtEd tO mOrE ThaN ONe gENdeR'.

[–]Daddiescummies 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Demisexuality is what happens when people pathologies normal variation in human experience.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Many years ago I heard about "demisexual" in a context where it was not being pushed as a sexual orientation or something that anyone would outwardly brand themselves with for all the public to see, but rather as a way to understand the way in which one might experience their sexuality. I didn't think much of it, but I thought it kind of described me and I recall relating that to a friend once. In reality, it was an incorrect way of explaining to myself why I was not attracted to men, especially at a time when I lacked close male friends or an interest in having any, and so I could continue to pretend my attraction to women was not there and absolutely under no circumstances give a name to that. It was a way for me to hold the door open for attraction to men that never came because I did assume attraction to men was a given and couldn't imagine myself as a lesbian of all things.

As a side note, but an important one for me, this article once again stands out to me in that it points out that the author identifies as a radical feminist when I'm not sure that it's all that relevant to this article. Once again, it really does feel like nearly all of the lesbian and bisexual-female content from LAGN comes from radical feminists, and this is very alienating to a potential user base. It contributes to the impression that every lesbian who doesn't subscribe to gender ideology is a radical feminist, when I find a lot of radfemmery almost as alienating as gender ideology. If you go to the lesbian section on Ovarit, it is very alienating and filled with discourse that is alien and irrelevant to myself and to the kind of discussions I have with lesbians IRL and is political lesbian talk. For example, obnoxious discourse on "performing femininity" when I don't "perform" femininity for men or women. Both gender ideologues and radfems both seem to not understand that not everything is an expression of gender.

Using LAGN as a radfem mouthpiece also makes it so that LAGN is doing what I would like to see less of: tying sexual orientation to politics. If LAGN wants to thrive, I think it needs to be a welcoming place for LGBs of different stripes that includes non-political, non-gender focused content. Where am I supposed to go when I want LGB content but want to get away from gender talk, not just hear a different perspective on gender talk?

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It was a way for me to hold the door open for attraction to men that never came because I did assume attraction to men was a given and couldn't imagine myself as a lesbian of all things.

Lol, I did this too! I never called it demisexual specifically but had the exact same line of reasoning. "I must like guys but just ones I'm very close with... and I've never been close enough with a guy to be attracted to him, that is just because all the guys around me suck..." lol.

Once again, it really does feel like nearly all of the lesbian and bisexual-female content from LAGN comes from radical feminists, and this is very alienating to a potential user base. It contributes to the impression that every lesbian who doesn't subscribe to gender ideology is a radical feminist, when I find a lot of radfemmery almost as alienating as gender ideology.

Completely, completely agree. This threw me off too. It's a shame, what a great article otherwise.

If you go to the lesbian section on Ovarit, it is very alienating and filled with discourse that is alien and irrelevant to myself and to the kind of discussions I have with lesbians IRL and is political lesbian talk. For example, obnoxious discourse on "performing femininity" when I don't "perform" femininity for men or women. Both gender ideologues and radfems both seem to not understand that not everything is an expression of gender.

Oh really? Funny you say that because I've heard a couple self-ID'd lesbian women on here say that there are no political lesbians on Ovarit, lol. I've avoided looking at the Ovarit lesbians group because I figured it would just upset me, but... maybe it'd be better to look and have the conversation.

Using LAGN as a radfem mouthpiece also makes it so that LAGN is doing what I would like to see less of: tying sexual orientation to politics. If LAGN wants to thrive, I think it needs to be a welcoming place for LGBs of different stripes that includes non-political, non-gender focused content. Where am I supposed to go when I want LGB content but want to get away from gender talk, not just hear a different perspective on gender talk?

Completely agree. But, I have no idea if LGN has any interest in those values you've shared. That's why I'm suspicious of it, and why I'm suspicious of the many radfem-identified "lesbian" women who are quoted in the media.