Bisexual"I understand the argument against biphobia, but..."

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[–]FrostyNugsI'm allergic to nuts 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Anyone can refuse to date anyone for any reason. Can we stop making people justify their sexual and romantic boundaries? I don't really understand the hate some other lesbians have towards bi chicks, but I'm never going to tell them that they should uwu be more introspective of their sexual boundaries or they're a bigot uwu. The only bi women I take issue with are the ones who call themselves lesbians for feminist cred lmao

[–]BiHorror[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's not the issue I have. It's similar to the whole "I'm not x but..." as an excuse. People usually see that as a giant red flag. You could explain your opinion better w/o that bit.

bi women I take issue with are the ones who call themselves lesbians for feminist cred

Also, yeah. I don't get that either. Shouldn't need to be x just to get some credit. But w/o, they'll do what they want for brownie points.

[–]cervix 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

For every lesbian, there are at least 10 bi women. I will never understand why lesbians' opinion of bisexual women matters to you guys. We're the tiny minority of the WLW world! If we want to limit our dating pool even further, just let us do so and say good riddance.

[–]Shadow_Lurker 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Even though I'm not a lesbian, I can totally see why some lesbians might have a hard time forming relationships with bissexual woman, especially considering the whole "man are for love, woman are for fucking" mindset that many seem to hold, even famous ones.

[–]BiHorror[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I will never understand why lesbians' opinion of bisexual women matters to you guys

Matter or not, call out biphobia and tackless stuff. Just as we do with TRAs attacking LG. I'm het leaning but I'll still stick up for bis. I'm not a asshole who helps one group but not my own. We're always talking about homophobia here, but barely biphobia. It's the one thing (despite their attempts at changing the definition) TRAs do for bisexuals as I stated to some others.

[–]Gearbeta 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

People's boundaries should always be respected but it's certainly possible to not be attracted to/not want to date a demographic of people and also not insult them for being in that demographic.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

yes, I completely agree with that. It's just that whole "I'm not x but..." as a starter. It's no different to when people try to pull that shit with racist bs and such, and it didn't help that the people who were calling that out for that bit were TRAs (or tra sympathizers).

[–]Veneficca 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is my main issue as a bi woman. You don't want to date me? Fine. What happens more often though: a lesbian will date me but imply I'm second-class or damaged goods, or she'll refer to bi women as men's sloppy seconds. Thankfully, I see way less of this than I did when I came out as a teenager.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

imply I'm second-class or damaged goods, or she'll refer to bi women as men's sloppy seconds

Yeah, I've noticed similar things to that also.

[–]BiHorror[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Also, yes. I'm aware of the issues lesbians have with bisexual women, although that "but" in the tweet just got under my skin.

Edit: The issue I have isn't dating preference, it's the whole "but" bullshit. It's no different to the whole "I'm against racism but..." or "I'm not sexist but..." And the only people who were actually calling her out for that were TRAs (or tra sympathizers). You can explain your point w/o that whole "not x but..." as a start. It's usually a giant red flag for people.

[–]motss-pb 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

The real issue though is that lesbians shouldn't have to justify their dating preferences in the first place. The "but" is only a red flag if they are using it as an excuse for their bigotry. This isn't the case here. Lesbians shouldn't have to fear being cast as bigots simply for asserting their sexual boundaries. If she had said "I'm not transphobic, but I understand the argument for lesbians not wanting to date trans women". Is the "but" still a problem?

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The thing is transwomen aren't women. How on earth is that comparable? It's not. Also, if we want to be helping each other out with all the TQ stuff going on, everyone should be calling out all types of red flags.

[–]motss-pb 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's comparable in that shaming lesbians for having sexual boundaries, whether they be dating preferences or a hard-coded sexual orientation, is not ok in either case. Access to someone's dating pool is not a civil rights issue. And it's weird how it seems to be only lesbians' and gay men's sexual boundaries that are scrutinized to this extent.

[–]BiHorror[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And bisexuals shouldn't be ashamed for all having opposite sex attraction, mate. People have a choice in dating whoever they want, but it can still be the very definition of x-phobic. If we call out homophobia (from TRAs) then we need to do the same within LGB when it comes to biphobia. It's hypocritical not to and don't say we don't do the same for the opposite. Because in this sub, we do a lot of that.

[–]motss-pb 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Dating preferences are not x-phobia. You don't get to call people bigots just because they don't want to date you. That's TRA level nonsense. Online I've seen LG called biphobic for not dating bisexuals almost as often as we're called transphobic. That's why we constantly have to defend ourselves online with "I'm not transphobic, but", "I'm not biphobic, but". Rarely if ever do bisexuals get called out on their homophobia toward gay men and lesbians. Even though nearly 90% of bi relationships are not same-sex relationships, this bias is not called out as homophobia, but instead validated as heteromantic orientation. It's a double standard. Can we just stop with this "date me, you bigot" villification of LG? It's not cute when trans people do it. Why should it be ok when bi people do it?

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Some dating preferences can be phobic. Some will not be. With that logic, some racial dating preferences? Not racist at all. Whatsoever. As I stated before, people can date whoever they want but some of the justifications for it can be downright phobic (or with the example provided, racist).

"that's TRA nonsense"

Ah yes, because calling out shit is TRA nonsense. I didn't call anyone a bigot, I said stated that the broad in the picture and her "but" can be seen as a red flag. Just as some of you (because not all LG are like you) want to "defend" yourself, I have to defend myself right back for my sexuality.

Rarely if ever do bisexuals get called out on their homophobia toward gay men and lesbians. Even though nearly 90% of bi relationships are not same-sex relationships, this bias is not called out as homophobia, but instead validated as heteromantic orientation

I have. We do it here all the time too. But you know what I've barely seen? The opposite. That's double standard as well. When some Ls talk down to bisexual women and when people call it out, said people are usually replied with "oh, I bet you're bisexual" or some shit. So, can we stop with the vilification of Bs just because of some shit others did? How about that? It's not cute either when LG do it. So, what you're telling me is because of the choices of hetero leaning bisexuals, that's basically a justification to look down on homo leaning bisexuals? Do you see how fucked that logic is... LG can do no wrong! But bisexuals? Bad. Which is hilarious because you talk of bias but say that. LG is allowed to have dating preferences, and some can spew blatant biphobic shit but bisexuals cannot do the same w/o being seen as the big evil oppressors. Like, how the fuck do you expect me to call out homophobia when some of y'all don't even have our backs? Ugh.

[–]Eurowoman24 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

male residue? lmao there's something called a shower.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Idk, mate.

[–]Eurowoman24 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm all for sexuality being exclusive wether it's for reasons I agree with or not, but c'mon male residue? really?

[–]Shadow_Lurker 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Mooties? lol

[–]Eurowoman24 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

mooties???

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sounds like a term femcels would use.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I’m open to dating bisexual men. But if someone doesn’t want to date bisexuals - or if someone doesn’t want to date homosexuals/heterosexuals, for that matter - then that’s fine. People should be allowed to discriminate when it women to dating, relationships and sex. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to dismiss bisexual people as being closeted homosexuals or attention-seeking heterosexuals, or be nasty to them.

[–]BiHorror[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed, but as I replied to others: it's not the dating preference I have an issue with. It's the whole "I'm not x but..." excuse. It's no different to when people say that to try and make themselves not look racist but are going to intentionally say something that is, while in the same breath saying that they're "not." Or they're supposedly against racism but... That's usually a red flag for people, and could've been started with something better. The thing I found sad was the people who were calling her out for this were TRAs and/or TRA sympathizers.

[–]Lessom 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This person is confusing biphobia and dating preferences. Having said that the part about male residue is uncalled for. Makes it sound bi and straight women are gross for sleeping with the opposing sex.

[–]davids877Straight Male Man 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Honestly why is everything a 'phobia' now, "an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something." Just because I don't want to date someone doesn't mean I have any extreme fear of them.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

it's not exactly the same definition as extreme fear, but it's used to define great dislike towards a group of people over something they cannot control. Although yeah, some terms do not make sense especially going by the original definitions.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This thread is getting spicy!

I reread the post, and...If I am understanding correctly, by ManResidue™, I do not think she's talking about that residue(though probably a euphemism with her trying to be 'funny' but it's not), but perhaps how the biwoman treats her lesbian partner after being in relationships with men?

For example, I have a trendy bisexual 'pansexual' coworker, she's only had ONE serious relationship with a woman and many with men. She treats women as one-night stands, her sex toys, while men more so as the "real deal".

Of course, not EVERYONE is like her...But I believe that original post from that person is talking about ¢unts people like my coworker who treat lesbians as an object and not a person.

I am bi, but always pursued real relationship with WOMEN. I thought I was a lesbian since I was in grade school, was only attracted to the same sex. Then out of nowhere I liked men later in life, just... not as much as women... I am also GNC as well.

HOWEVER on the FLIP side, we get a LOT of shit for being bi too. Bisexuals get stereotyped for being promiscuous, sex-crazed, people---NOT everyone. So this "Man Residue joke" is tactless, like people saying stupid things like "Wow, it's dark outside, smile so we can see you!"(racist joke)

Men keep asking if I am actually "gay" or a "dyke" and how "hot" bi women are and want to "join them" but get grossed out by bi men(double standards much?). The women I've talked to...assume I'm gay or part of the "queer" club (just because I am GNC DOESN'T mean I am trans/non-binary holy cow). And, there's a difference from being prejudice and having "preferences".

Some people ONLY wanted to date me because I am "exotic" or the flip, I have had "friends" tell me "No offense, but I would never date someone of your race(s) because they're just really not attractive at all to me, they're at the bottom of the dating totem pool. I prefer white people."....okay, double-whammy...what was the point in telling me that? I am NOT pursuing you for one, nor do I give a rats ass what YOU think. I am not your little token friend to where you can say asshole things to me and I'm supposed to take it.

That's where they are being unnecessarily brutal and annoying.

If you don't want to date a bi/lesbian/gay/straight, so be it, just don't be an ass about it.

If idiots that you DON'T prefer want to push you to date them, then tell those morons straight up "No, I don't date XYZ." and leave it at that. No need for "extra".

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

 I do not think she's talking about that residue(though probably a euphemism with her trying to be 'funny' but it's not), but perhaps how the biwoman treats her lesbian partner after being in relationships with men?

Maybe. I personally thought she was referring more to like... Not literally "residue" but as in bi women being tainted because they dated men before if that makes sense.

I am bi, but always pursued real relationship with WOMEN. I thought I was a lesbian since I was in grade school, was only attracted to the same sex. Then out of nowhere I liked men later in life, just... not as much as women... I am also GNC as well.

Same, only difference my attraction is more towards men. Which is weird, becuase I only had serious relationships with women (one who later came out as a transman after we fell apart) than I've with men.

HOWEVER on the FLIP side, we get a LOT of shit for being bi too. Bisexuals get stereotyped for being promiscuous, sex-crazed, people---NOT everyone. So this "Man Residue joke" is tactless, like people saying stupid things like "Wow, it's dark outside, smile so we can see you!"(racist joke)

True. I do wish s/bisexuals was more active for these types of convo (especially with all the reactions I got with this one, heh) so more topics relating to bis can be talked about but yeah... Barely anything. We always have posts related to LG (especially in relations to TQ and their homophobia), and barely anything to the Bs.

Men keep asking if I am actually "gay" or a "dyke" and how "hot" bi women are and want to "join them" but get grossed out by bi men(double standards much?). The women I've talked to...assume I'm gay or part of the "queer" club (just because I am GNC DOESN'T mean I am trans/non-binary holy cow). And, there's a difference from being prejudice and having "preferences".

That's gross and hypocritical. I think why those women see that for the "gnc" bit is because of the whole relations to queer/"gender" theory bullshit that started. It's synonymous to "gender variance" from what the coiner tried to do. I've had that shit happen to me before tho, and it's so fucking annoying too. Especially when it comes to TRAs, women being masculine obviously means they're closeted transmen because they don't go by the stereotypes, and vice versa with feminine men. The whole "eggs" bs.

Some people ONLY wanted to date me because I am "exotic" or the flip, I have had "friends" tell me "No offense, but I would never date someone of your race(s) because they're just really not attractive at all to me, they're at the bottom of the dating totem pool. I prefer white people."....okay, double-whammy...what was the point in telling me that? I am NOT pursuing you for one, nor do I give a rats ass what YOU think. I am not your little token friend to where you can say asshole things to me and I'm supposed to take it.

Yikes. I haven't experienced that yet (thankfully), but I've seen that before. Or, you have the opposites with stuff like "jungle fever" or "yellow fever" and they make it sound like it's such a proud thing to be.

If you don't want to date a bi/lesbian/gay/straight, so be it, just don't be an ass about it.

100%

[–]babystud 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

i think i get what shes saying and if im correct then she just worded this whole tweet horribly

[–]hyunnahh 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

agree, she was probably trying to be a little humorous as well but it came off as tacky lol

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Honestly, biphobia in dating bothers me WAY less than biphobia everywhere else. Since people have the absolute right to turn you down for any reason whatsoever (including shitty ones).

And of course if we reduced the negative attitudes about bisexuals in society as a whole, they'd show up a lot less where dating is concerned, too.

[–]DifferentAirGC 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't want to date bi women because I can't relate to a woman who is attracted to men, that's all. I don't think they are evil or whatever, I just want someone who can understand my sexuality.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And that's fine. But what the op in picture wrote was pretty tacky.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That makes sense, you would want a partner whom you can relate to. There's nothing wrong with that.

It's the similar to some people who date within/race culture, because they want someone to understand where they are coming from.