From my point of view, attraction is based on your Impression of the other person. Losing attraction when their good/required qualities are proven wrong is natural.

submitted by dilsencySame-sex community from self.LGBDropTheT

Such as when the seemingly kind and patient person suddenly gets an outburst and yells at waitstaff.

Or when a person you thought respected your sexual orientation reveals themselves to be of the opposite sex. (However unlikely this scenario may be)

The moment where you realize that a person is in fact not of the sex that they claimed to be of, which according to TRAs can only happen when you see their genitalia, and losing all "attraction" to them, isn't "genital preference". It doesn't make you a "genital fetishist". It means that you thought that they were of the same sex, and that they proved you wrong.

all 12 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]szalinskikidproblematic androphile 21 insightful - 15 fun21 insightful - 14 fun22 insightful - 15 fun -  (2 children)

I am attractosexual. I'm only attracted to people which I find attractive.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community[S] 9 insightful - 11 fun9 insightful - 10 fun10 insightful - 11 fun -  (1 child)

The bravery.

[–]BigMommyMilkersYes, they're real 8 insightful - 8 fun8 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

Absolutely stunning

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 26 insightful - 2 fun26 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Attraction, or the lack thereof, never has to be justified.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. And it’s not just when I go on a date with some "fella" who turns out to be FTM. If I’m dating a man who appears to be a nice guy, only for him to be extremely rude when he doesn’t get his way. When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love of what you perceive of that person. If it turns out that this person is different in reality from your perception of him, this affects your attraction to him, for better or for worse.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

That's not actually how it works.

Source: Am sexually attracted to people I don't like, or even hate.

If some traits are there it doesn't seem to matter how horrible they are. Fortunately I'm not attracted to either MTF nor FTM trans, but I am sexually attracted to guys even though I could never see myself in a relationship with one.

YMMV though because for me there's no "romantic attraction" factor. I don't "love" the people I am involuntarily attracted to, and I don't enjoy being attracted to them, it's invasive and feels like it happens against my will. And on the other hand, the people I do tend to feel "love" for I can't be attracted to sexually.

This sub will reeeee if I dare suggest I am something akin to "homosexual but heteroromantic", but, sometimes it really do be like that

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Having been in your position in the past, I do think it can change for you.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

What can change? You mean I can get rid of homosexuality or that I can be "romantically attracted" to men?

Because to be clear, I am going for the former, and I absolutely do not want the latter. (Not that I can believe I can develop "love" for people I don't consciously consent to, anyway)

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I can only speak to my own experience, which is that I was able to have a loving relationship after years of not having one and not believing one was possible. I understand that is not what you want at this time (maybe never), but should you change your mind I do think it is possible for you to find happiness.

I don't think it is highly likely for you to be rid of homosexuality. I never rule out anything in this world, so I wouldn't say the chances are zero, but I would say that most people in your position are not able to change their sexual orientation.

You seem unhappy, and I've read enough of your posts to understand why (at least at some level). I really do hope you find happiness one way or another. You are intelligent and perceptive and there is no reason why you shouldn't get a break in life.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

...No. You misunderstand.

I DO want a loving relationship. With women. I DO want to be happy.

I will NEVER be able to "change my mind" and love men, just as you claim that YOU simply can't fall in love with a man. It's funny how "sexuality is fixed and can never be changed" until suddenly it's on the opposite "side" and then suddenly, it's a choice at the same time? No. I quite literally do not have the capacity to "love" men, especially given how they treat me, but also simply because I am not supposed to be compatible with male traits. I am sick. My sexuality is broken and inconsistent, that is the point I am making. I am only homosexual by technicality, most likely due to trauma, and it starts and ends at "I get turned on by dicks and am not into women anymore." I was not born homosexual. I never had the capacity to "love" men. I have never even been sexually attracted to a real man, I have never seen a man and thought he was "hot" or wanted to fuck him specifically.

So no, not only do I think it's not possible for me to ever "love" men, or even be attracted to one fully, I do not WANT to. I have zero interest in men, I hate gay sex, and I hate how men treat me. I do, however, mentally want to have a heterosexual relationship. I know, deep down, the heterosexual drive is still there. I was never meant to be homosexual, it was an accident from how I was raised.

And funny, other people tell me there's a "high chance it can be fixed." So I can't really trust one person's word over the other. Much like my depression, sure - the sad reality may be there is a low chance I can get better. Maybe the most likely outcome is that I will struggle all my life and never be happy nor healthy. But that doesn't mean I should give up before I've even fully tried to recover, does it? Why should I give up? Why should I not pursue the path I KNOW will make me happy? Just because you and some people are so emotionally attached to homosexuality you think it's "bad"? My decision affects no one else.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm really not personally invested in your being happy in any specific way. I just wish you happiness, however it comes to you.

[–]peaked2020 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It sounds like you’re just straight with some sort of trauma causing you to have confusing sexual things. If you hate everything about men and have never been attracted to a real one... if you hate gay sex... if you’re incapable of loving a man... then I doubt you are gay . Or maybe you just need a guy who is nicer and more respectful.