DiscussionWe've had threads on asexuality, what about demisexuality?

submitted by hyunnahh from self.LGBDropTheT

What are your thoughts on demisexuality and the "asexual spectrum"? Has anyone here identified as demisexual before? (I have lol)

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[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 27 insightful - 4 fun27 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

It's a joke

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Almost all homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual people I know are "demisexual", including myself. It is not new sexual orientation or anything, it is just how for most humans social and sexual interractions work. It is not asexual spectrum, it is in "any sexuality spectrum".

[–]justasking918273Ally 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'd argue that some people use this label in an attempt to appear special and "deep" while others find comfort in the existence of this label because they feel alienated from hookup culture and the expectation that everyone has to want sex pretty much immediately. In reality, however, people are simply different and some move faster while others need more time and there's nothing wrong with this.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh yes, of course.

I meant not ones who use the label, but ones who can be described by label's description.

[–]censorshipment 17 insightful - 5 fun17 insightful - 4 fun18 insightful - 5 fun -  (6 children)

https://www.healthline.com/health/demisexual

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

I understand why "demisexuals" want to separate themselves during the "hook up culture" era to let folks know they aren't about that casual sex life. I personally despise casual sex and let women know I don't want to fuck until I'm in love and it's mutual, although I definitely experience sexual attraction without being in love. I'm 37, btw, and have basically been sexually abstinent since 2012 (had sex about 15 times in 2019 while living with my last girlfriend for 4 months... her youngest child slept in bed with us, so daily sex wasn't an option). I've been "in heat" all year, and have had sexual offers, but I refuse to have sex with women I don't love. I love myself, so I excessively masturbate. 😌

Also, I don't want to build a relationship from sex. Sex isn't important within the first 3 months, imo. Falling in love is important... and I need to fall in love with the woman, not the pussy.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

That site is very homophobic and "woke". Healthline is a site where "lesbian sex guide" is all about anal and penises, no credibility at all.

[–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I don't really care... I just wanted to source where I was quoting the definition from.

[–]fuck_reddit 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I also understand wanting to distinguish that you're not into hook-up culture. Because it's a completely legitimate desire/wish. "Demisexuality" though comes across to me like "sapiosexual" where they don't just want to have relationship preferences, they want to be special. Either that, or they don't know how to communicate their ideas...

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sex can promote romantic bonding though.

[–]censorshipment 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure, but sex can severely cloud one's judgement... such as make you ignore red flags or obvious incompatibility such as incompatible love languages (how you prefer to receive love and show love).

Plus, as a believer in astrology... it's not wise for me to bond sexually since I am very masculine... I don't fall in love easily like very feminine (astrology-wise) women tend to do... so I need to bond romantically/emotionally first, which is extremely rare for me to do when I've had sex with a woman... I lose interest and want to have sex with other women.

[–]ThiccDropkickGay 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's just another label people use to make themselves feel special and niche and oppressed, but because it's not a visible trait they don't actually have to do anything to commit to it

[–]chupacabrawitchI'm super thanks for asking 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

According to google: "Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with." Sooo like a lot of people? I think many people feel this....Doesn't make it a legitimate sexuality. So no, not a real sexual orientation, a preference though, yes, many people want an emotional connection before having sex.

[–]Willpoll 10 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

The vegans of sexuality. It seems to exist just so they can talk about it.

[–]fuckupaddamsBisexual Terve 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Hey I'm a vegan veteran of this site, don't be mean

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

"Everyone is a dirty slut but me!": The "Sexuality".

[–]Mertion 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

What's the point of inventing a new label just to say that they don't want casual sex? That’s completely unnecessary and sounds more like a cry for attention, like most of these new sexualities that people are inventing these days.

At least asexual can say that is a way to let others know that they don't want to have sex. But there are many so called "asexuals" that break this rule and claim that asexuals can still have sex. Which make the entire label completely worthless. Seriously, when they say, “I can let my partner have sex with my body, but I won’t enjoy it”, do they understand how fuck up that sounds? How in that hell can that be called a healthy relationship.

[–]justasking918273Ally 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Asexuals can have sex just like homosexuals could have sex with a member of the other sex. It gets weird when they willingly do it and enjoy it because that goes against what asexuality (or sexual orientation in general) is.

As for relationships, I have a friend who's not at all interested in sex but had it anyway because she thought it's just what you do in relationships and she never questioned it. Needless to say, her relationships failed because of her disinterest in sex. She's not at all prudish, she just didn't really understand that most people genuinely want sex. So this definitely happens.

[–]8bitgay 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Did she tell you what does she understand by sex? Genuine question.

The thing for me is that lots of people aren't interested in penetration. This doesn't mean they aren't interested in other sexual or erotic interactions. I've talked with some guys who defined themselves as asexual gay men, and as I talked with them I found out they described themselves as asexual simply because they weren't into penetration.

[–]justasking918273Ally 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Interesting question...no, I've never asked. All I know is that she did participate in PIV sex and never felt sexual attraction.

May I ask what you define as "erotic interaction"?

On a side note, I also call myself asexual because I've never felt any kind of sexual attraction towards anyone (and just for reference, I've never been sexually abused and only mildly harassed, no trauma, no mental illness, no autism, take no medication whatsoever) and have no interest in any kind of sex, penetration or not.

[–]8bitgay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

May I ask what you define as "erotic interaction"?

I'm not really sure myself, but I kinda define things based on a line of "would you do that with your parent/sibling/kid/dog/friend?". You can love your kid. You can hug your sibling. You can sleep in the same bed as your dog. You can kiss your parent. You might choose to live your entire life living together with a friend.

But there are certain interactions that you wouldn't do with these people, because some interactions cross the line from the realm of platonic to the realm of romantic or erotic.

[–]justasking918273Ally 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think I get what you mean, stuff like French kissing for example (as opposed to the sort of "dry kiss" a parent might give a child). I was just asking because whenever it comes to asexuals being in "romantic" relationships the topic of physical closeness comes up and some people seem to see for example cuddling as someone that only happens with a romantic partner but to me for example it's just something that requires a certain level of emotional intimacy, independent of whether that'd be in a relationship or not.

Personally, I do want physical closeness, I'm just not interested in or even averse to anything sexual or erotic. (I want to add that the aversion is because I just somehow don't "get" it, so no past experiences or anything.)

[–]Mertion 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's an interesting point. Yes, those type of relationships do indeed exist but the ones I know don't identify themselves as asexual. They just identify themselves as gay.

Would it be useful for gay men are not interested in anal sex to call themselves asexual? I am not really sure. It's true that if you call yourself gay, most people would assume that you are interested in anal sex but at the same time, would it not be the same problem if you call yourself asexual? Just the other way around? I really don't know the answer.

I just believe that all these labels (other than straight, gay and bisexual) are not necessary, you can just say that you are a gay man that is not interested in anal sex.

[–]justasking918273Ally 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not OP but when I, as a non-homosexual person, think of what homosexual people might do I don't think of anal sex or anything involving penetration necessarily. However, when I think of hetero sex I think of PIV sex first. I guess what these people might call themselves depends on what they think the expectation is for what types of sexual interaction are likely to occur.

[–]8bitgay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In the end of the day I don't really care, I don't wanna police how people feel about themselves, how they define themselves. I don't understand asexuality, but if someone identifies as asexual that's their deal, not mine. It just bothers me when it's straight asexual people claiming to be LGBT, or doing the whole "I'm more oppressed than you" thing. It also bothers me when people have such a limited view on sexuality that anyone that isn't obsessed with sex becomes part of the asexual spectrum.

And it also becomes a personal issue when an asexual guy gets into me. It's a bit frustrating when it seems like he's a nice guy, but in this situation we don't have compatible sexualities.

Talking about that, once there was this asexual guy getting quite invasive asking me if I was top or bottom. For someone who supposedly doesn't feel sexual attraction he was quite demanding about his sexual preferences haha

[–]LasagnaRossa 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

In the era of hookup culture, wanting to fall in love before fucking needs a badge.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I am asexual and I despise the idea of asexuality spectrum. To me so called demi is still a normal sexual person, that's it.

[–]justasking918273Ally 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed. And "grey-asexual" is also just normal. Some people would fuck anyone, others only very, very few people but that's just normal. The only "spectrum" here is normal sexuality.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

When I first heard about it, I think I was a teenager. And I thought, "This makes sense. This is why I'm not attracted to any of the men around me or that I see in movies." This was long before micro-labeling was a thing, so it's not like I actively labeled myself this.

Nope, just gay. 🤣

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Someone I know in a Discord the other day posted that she was "asexual" and was struggling because... she was experiencing sexual arousal and "wished she wasn't asexual so she had a way to deal with it." And I am so genuinely confused. If you feel sexual desire, isn't that by definition NOT asexual? Also what's stopping you from "dealing with it?"

This seems like a really bizarre and invented issue, especially when I am the opposite. There are a lot of days when I wish I was truly "asexual."

[–]SpatOuttheKoolaid 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's another insulting, made-up tumblr label that is now imposed on people who aren't into the massive hookup culture that has arisen in the same period. Though some people are into casual sex, it's not abnormal to not be, it's not a "sexual orientation."

[–]BritishbulldogUndecided if Radfem or just TERF 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I totally understand asexual- but don’t think it’s part of LGB. The asexual spectrum sounds a bit like when some trans women turn on ‘boy mode’ in certain environments. They are [label] until it doesn’t suit them. Demisexual makes me pmsl.

[–]justasking918273Ally 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

As an asexual, I agree. It's not LGB. Asexuality in the true sense (not being a spectrum) would be best off on it's own, without anything else attached, especially not the TQ+ part. I guess asexuals in same-sex relationships have relations to the LGB because on the outside and - if they marry or so - on a legal level their relationships look and mostly work pretty much like regular homosexual relationships.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's dumb as fuck. Wanting to get to know someone before developing the hots for them is not unique or special and it doesn't need a label. Not to mention many people I've come across who use it are holier than thou assholes (just like some asexuals and pansexuals) who think the rest of us are sex crazed morons. I also might have a bit of a sore spot on this because as a female with a high sex drive I've been shamed for that a lot. Many 'demis' and aces use the exact same type of sex shaming rhetoric and place themselves above anyone who isn't disgusted by the concept of sex in general or put off by the idea of casual sex.

I get wanting to distance oneself from hookup culture if it's not your thing. I also get legitimately not feeling attracted to strangers (as people often confuse 'demisexuality' with celibacy or actively waiting to have sex with someone early in a relationship). But again, this isn't a unique enough phenomenon for it to need a label. This is a preference within a sexual orientation, not an orientation by itself.

[–]fuck_reddit 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The only demisexual person I've met irl was a girl in high school who was always crying in the hallway for attention, constantly changing her sexuality for attention, and when she came out as non-binary (you guessed it, for attention), even the woke gender studies teacher didn't buy it. Needless to say, I don't give it much credence as a legit sexuality (likely cause it has nothing to do with who your attracted to, more your presence for the pace that relationships develop).

[–]BiHorror 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nope, but my male friend did once... Lo and behold, he went back to identifying as straight lol.

As for thoughts on it? Eh, bs as the rest. There's nothing special about it. By their definition, majority of people are it. It's not even related to sexually of a sex. Asexuals? Don't mind them. Their "spectrum"? Meh.

[–]ChodeSandwichtender and moist 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's terrible that some people have to justify saying "no" to sex by associating their rejection with an immutable characteristic like sexual orientation. It's not good for anyone. I'm curious about the statistics involved in people who claim this for themselves - age, race, sex, "gender identity."

[–]davids877Straight Male Man 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not sure why we even have dictionaries any more as words are all meaningless apparently. (demi: half or partial)

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is a difference between attachment style or what gets you going and a sexual orientation. Ok, so you want to get to know someone, develop feelings for them, trust them, feel safe with them before you can get into sex? That's not an orientation, that's an attachment style.

Also, how am I meant to take demisexuality seriously? I don't think I've ever met anyone whose life has been affected by them being demisexual. You don't like hook-up culture? Big woop. Tell me about how hard your life is and how you have struggled long and hard with your sexuality.

[–]EzukiRaen 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I always saw demisexual as an unnecessary word. Sure, it's fine to have a word that describes wanting to get to know someone before you sleep with them but, that's all it is. Being demisexual is not a sexual orientation. It's more an expression on "how" someone experiences attraction and says nothing on "who" they are attracted to.

[–]moonlightascending 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

back in my tumblr days shudder I very much identified as a "demisexual". I thought that the reason I wasn't attracted to men was because I was this weird micro-label. the term lesbian or even bisexual terrified me (mostly due to religious trauma), and it took me ages to accept who I really am: a lesbian. I personally do prefer getting to know someone before dating them, for a number of reasons. but that's not the reason I'm LGB. demisexuality isn't a thing, and if it was then almost everyone would identify that way. asexuality is a thing, sure, but again it's not expressly LGB. no one is discriminated against for not wanting sex or only wanting it after getting to know someone.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (14 children)

I'm a demisexual. One of the reasons why I'm here is because on other sites cough reddit cough we can't talk critically about issued within the LGBT+ without being called a gatekeeper or phobic of some sort.

Now I know someone is going to chime in with "demi isn't a thing because everyone is like that!" which is sort of true in the sense the there has been a massive uptick in people misidentifying themselves as demi the same way every girl in high school was a 'bisexual'. Historically speaking the asexuals and those on the asexual spectrum made up about 1% of the population (Wellings 1994) compared to homosexuals which is around 8-10% depending on which study you look at. Yet now around 4% (GLAAD 2017) are identifying as asexual or on the spectrum. Which quite astounding as that makes them more prevalent than the 3.9% of gay men(Wiki), it's almost like you can't swing a dead cat without hitting six or seven 'demisexuals'. What I'm getting at is I don't think that +3% are asexual at all. I feel like the asexual and demisexuals are seeing the same climb that the trans are seeing with people who have internalized homophobia trying to identifying as anything but gay/lesbian. As well as too many people are confusing emotional bonding increasing sexual attraction and zero sexual attraction until some sort of emotional bond.

So on one hand I 100% understand the eyeroll when someone claims to be on the asexual spectrum; because statistically speaking they probably aren't. On the other hand it gets incredibly frustrating with people assuming I need to go to the doctor to get my hormones checked... which as nothing to do with sexual orientation. It can affect sex drive but not the direction, if hormones worked like that every time women went on hormone based birth control would they be at risk of becoming more of a lesbian? Less of a lesbian? What if a body builder took some testosterone to get an edge in competition would be become more gay? If so why aren't all of men's sports just men banging each other in the changing room b/c you know most of them are taking the T.

TL;DR I'm demisexual; but understand if people don't get it b/c it's turned into the 'bisexual girl in high school' of sexual orientations.

[–]hyunnahh[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

You still haven't explained how demisexuality is real, how it separates itself from other sexualities (not overlapping) and in what sense the asexual spectrum is real. You type out multiple long paragraphs but always completely misses the point.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Asexuality was mentioned in 1869 as monosexuals, and 1896 as anesthesia sexuals. The label asexual didn't become a thing until the 1960's. Demisexual was differentiated from asexuality in the early 2000's simply to acknowledge there was some variance in the asexual spectrum. Essentially people who were in between sexual and asexual... thus demisexual.

" You type out multiple long paragraphs but always completely misses the point." Did I really now? Because " Has anyone here identified as demisexual before? (I have lol)" I have a feeling my long paragraph may have hit home. Just because you were confused about your sexuality doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm happy you apparently were able to figure it out; however, you are also a good example of what I was talking about. Asexuality and those who fall in the asexual spectrum are fairly rare.

[–]hyunnahh[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Because " Has anyone here identified as demisexual before? (I have lol)" I have a feeling my long paragraph may have hit home.

I identified as "demisexual" because I was just like almost everyone else, who preferred to get to know someone before experiencing genuine attraction towards them, but was swayed by "demisexual" as a label. Your long paragraphs has often digressed from the topic at hand, as has been similarly stated by other commentators on this sub, and has certainly not have influenced my sexual orientation at all. On a previous discussion about "demisexuality" you brought up genital preferences, which was completely missng the point.

Just because you were confused about your sexuality doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

This also does not make sense whatsoever. My personal experience with previously identifying with "demisexuality" does not indicate that it is real, it is indicative of how mogai-labels and labels made up by tumblr kids has harmed LGB people and our identity.

And once again you have not truly answered my questions?

Demisexual was differentiated from asexuality in the early 2000's simply to acknowledge there was some variance in the asexual spectrum.

You still have yet to fully explain what this "asexual spectrum" is and how it's real and not some made-up tumblr fad for special snowflakes.

Essentially people who were in between sexual and asexual... thus demisexual

And yet "demisexual" overlaps with all other sexualities (with the exception of asexuality) because not everyone is into hook-up culture and would much rather get to know someone beforehand. There is no reason why "demisexual" deserves a label, nor is it an indicative of who or what a person is sexually attracted to, which is what sexual orientation labels are supposed to do.

Just look at the other comments, pointing out the ridiculousness of "demisexuality" and the potential existence of an "asexual spectrum", in fact, feel free to debate them too. Kudos to you if you can finally justify the existence of "demisexuality".

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

"asexual spectrum" is and how it's real and not some made-up tumblr fad for special snowflakes.

I literally gave a brief time line starting from 1869 tumbler was founded in 2007.

[–]hyunnahh[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

But you didn't explain what it is and how it's not some made-up fad?

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

150+ year old fad?

[–]hyunnahh[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And your sources?

I did some digging around yet I cannot find a single source saying that the "asexual spectrum" was coined in 1869, it was JUST the term "monosexual". This doesn't prove anything about the "ace spectrum" at all. You literally also said that "demisexual" was created in the early 2000s, which I found out was most likely in 2003 and even then it wasn't "demi" but "semisexuality". By this time the internet has already been invented, albeit not as efficient as it is now. The term, "demisexuality" was eventually coined on an online forum in 2006. Not tumblr but it's still an online forum, much like tumblr is now.

If you want to prove the existence and validity of demisexuality and the asexual spectrum then I suggest you try harder than giving one-liner replies and/or running away from discussions.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm not going to continue this with you, as you clearly aren't willing to read or put in minimum effort. If you look back I included sources and even dates of the sources. I'm not going to do what 10min of googleing could fix for you.

[–]hyunnahh[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Like I mean sure? From the moment you gave me a one-liner for a reply and neglected the rest of my comment I already knew that this discussion has hit a dead-end.

Edit : You did give sources, but they weren't relevant to our current discussion at all? Which is regarding the ace-spectrum and demisexuality and not the amount of people indentifying as part of the ace-spextrum.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I won't chime in and say everyone is demi because I don't think that's true. However if you experience sexual attraction at all you are gay, straight, or bi. The conditions under which you experience that attraction are a preference within those sexualities, not a separate one by itself. Yet I have never heard of a 'demisexual' calling themselves a gay, lesbian, straight, or bi demi. It's always just demi, when the reality is anyone of any orientation can experience 'demisexuality'. It may not be accurate to say that everyone is demi but it's certainly not rare enough to warrant being called a sexuality by itself.

A 'demisexual' can only experience attraction after a bond is formed. Okay fine. I can believe that. A straight girl or gay guy might only experience attraction towards bearded men. But nobody calls them beardsexuals. We understand that to be a preference. That's my beef with demisexuality. The label itself is meaningless because no other preference gets treated like this and it can occur in all non asexual orientations. Other preferences/fetishes and paraphilias might get a name, like so and so might have a 'thing' for redheads. But being into redheads is not a sexuality. It's a preference. Being into only those who you have a bond with is not a sexuality, that's a preference. Sapiosexual faded into obscurity for the same reason. Only being attracted to intelligence is a personal preference, not to mention sounds pretentious as fuck, regardless of if it's true. Demisexual as a standalone needs to fade away for the same reason imo.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The problem with just lumping demisexuals in with GL&B's is that your lumping someone who has no genital preference with people who have an unyielding preference. No amount of emotional bonding is going to make a lesbian like dick and I don't think they should be grouped together. Don't get me wrong the micro labels... have gone way to far and the majority of them are redundant. However I feel there needs to be something distinguishing between people who have physical sexual attraction and those who don't, we just don't need 500 labels amount of difference.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The problem with just lumping demisexuals in with GL&B's is that your lumping someone who has no genital preference with people who have an unyielding preference. No amount of emotional bonding is going to make a lesbian like dick and I don't think they should be grouped together

That's not what I said though. If the sex of your partner does not factor into your attraction then you are bisexual. My point is that a person who needs an emotional bond before being sexually attracted can be of any orientation. Just to make sure I went and looked up 'demisexual definition' and here is the first result.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

Nowhere does this say demisexuals don't care about the sex of their partner. It says that for sexual attraction to take place there has to be an emotional bond first. From this definition a lesbian can be demisexual if she is only attracted to women she has bonded with emotionally.

Even if you say demisexuals by definition don't care about the sex of their partner, that would be a preference within bisexuality. Some bisexuals can get the hots for a stranger and some can't. That doesn't make the bisexuals who can't a separate sexuality altogether. We can agree that demisexuality shouldn't be in LGB, because demisexuality should not be labeled as it's own orientation in the first place. I agree that it exists. But it exists as a preference.

I feel there needs to be something distinguishing between people who have physical sexual attraction and those who don't

I agree. And we already have LGB on one side and asexuals on the other. Demisexual as a label is redundant and unnecessary because the definition of 'only experiences attraction to those they have a bond with' is a phenomenon that can occur in anyone who is not asexual, just like only being into tall guys or curvy women.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel like the asexual and demisexuals are seeing the same climb that the trans are seeing with people who have internalized homophobia trying to identifying as anything but gay/lesbian.

And fetishists. Go search around on /r/asexuality for kink or fetish. It seems to be pretty common. It's better to be in the charmed circle of LGBTQIA+ than to just admit that you're mostly just into a kink or fetish and not really into sex. I'm not judging.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

fetishists

I would to some extent have to agree. There was one post on r/demisexual that essentially was "I don't feel sexually attracted to people but now I have sexual feelings about this badboy trope TV character, am I demi?" and the comments was full of "Your valid" reassuring ass pats. Meanwhile my brain is melting b/c that's the exact opposite of what a demisexual is and the poster clearly had some kind of gothboy kink; but, you can't say that on reddit because that would be shamming and phobic.