DiscussionHow do you feel about the word Queer?

submitted by QueenOfTheNorthSuperLesbian from self.LGBDropTheT

Basically the title - how do you feel about people identifying as such and how would you feel being labelled as Queer without malicious intent? Do you feel like it should be something that is reclaimed or is the historic context surrounding it too terrible? Do you think it's just straight people calling themselves by this label or a case of internalised biphobia, since I see a lot of bisexual people avoiding the bi label? (for example, saying they're fluid, saying they don't like labels, or just saying they're queer - anything but bisexual)

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[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Personally, I think it's still a slur. It's a horrible, ugly word that hasn't quite lost its associations with 'strange' or 'unusual'.

In my experience it's always the pro-TQ+ set that use the word, because words like 'gay', 'lesbian' and 'homosexual' invalidate their manufactured identities. 'Homosexual' is same-sex attracted. Where do trans fit into that? They don't, so it has to go.

This 'reclaiming' of words is strange. On the one hand I can appreciate what people are doing; words only have the power we choose to give them, and if we can show that they don't affect us, they lose their power as slurs.

On the other hand, the word 'queer' literally sends shivers down my spine when I hear it or see it written down, such is its potency to me.

There must be black people who feel the same about the n-word being 'reclaimed', but I suppose the difference here (or, at least, one of the differences) is that we're all in agreement that only a very small group has the right to use the n-word in its new, 'reclaimed' guise. Like so many LGB-related things, this hasn't been sufficiently gatekept (or entitled people just don't care about boundaries) and now anyone can identify as 'queer' and since that's part of their 'identity' (immortal soul) I then don't get to be offended when they use that word to refer to the rest of us.

There is definitely an element of bored straight people appropriating (for lack of a better word) these concepts, because it confers victim status, and therefore social capital and some kind of moral high ground. And can we blame them? Dull, straight, white people have been told for almost a decade now that they are the root of all evil in the world, so is it entirely surprising that some of them would choose to try and knock out at least one of those rungs?

[–]reluctant_commenter 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

but I suppose the difference here (or, at least, one of the differences) is that we're all in agreement that only a very small group has the right to use the n-word in its new, 'reclaimed' guise. Like so many LGB-related things, this hasn't been sufficiently gatekept (or entitled people just don't care about boundaries) and now anyone can identify as 'queer' and since that's part of their 'identity' (immortal soul) I then don't get to be offended when they use that word to refer to the rest of us.

Yeah, this pisses me off so much. It's such bullshit.

Dull, straight, white people have been told for almost a decade now that they are the root of all evil in the world, so is it entirely surprising that some of them would choose to try and knock out at least one of those rungs?

Honestly, that's an accurate observation and I wonder why we don't talk about that more, now that you mention it. Being LGB, as a demographic, is much easier to take over than some others because it's not physically visible, sexual orientation is invisible even though gender nonconformity is sometimes a tipoff, but even then it's pretty easy to pretend to be GNC or at least easy enough to fool most people. Add to that the fact that we're a really small minority, statistically speaking, and... well, it's almost unsurprising.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Horrid shit which has zero meaning. It can mean homosexual, bisexual or gender confused. Like a word with no meaning is useless.

[–]justvisiting 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

this

I absolutely hate when someone describes themselves as "queer". Ok, so what the hell are you? The only thing it tells me is that you're probably fine with the social justice cult, but I still know nothing about your gender or sexuality. Wait, I don't even want to know, why do people think it's so important to write in their internet profile bios???

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If you dating you might want to make clear your sexuality, but queer doesn't really say what you are. It is really just say you're far left idiot.

[–]justvisiting 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Basically... yeah. I think I heard RoseofDawn say something along the lines "You can see trans people of every nation, race and political spectrum but I've yet to see a non-binary person who's right wing". Kinda related cause non-binary is similarly meaningless to queer.

[–]censorshipment 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Queer is both a slur (typically used against effeminate men and masculine women regardless of their sexuality) and also an "identity" for nonconforming people.

This straight dude who identifies as a transbian and his girlfriend, who is likely bisexual, are queers. I don't think a straight woman would date a man on a female hormone that makes him grow tits.

https://www.reddit.com/r/LesbianActually/comments/l1ajww/new_pyjamas_on_brand/

He said: Somehow I'm blessed to have a cis partner who is repulsed by dicks as I am, but is still okay with doing lewd stuff with me and dating me while I have one. She's great.

https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/lhe986/-/gmx1wnf

[–]panderichthys 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In a word: cringe. I don't care how harsh it sounds - any non-homosexual person who identifies as queer would benefit from a decade in isolation. Might make their complex worse, though, so best to write them off as lunatics

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think a lot of it is probably internalised biphobia since the trans movement has been saying that being bisexual is transphobic for years plus the conflicts between bisexual and pansexual. A lot of the nonsense sexualities that fall under queer seem like they are bisexual with a twist like being attracted to smart people.

There are probably a good number of straight people who identify as these as well because they want to be special, but I think for the most part it's bisexuals who have had it punched into their heads that being bisexual is bad.

[–]zerosis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's dumb. I'm not queer, I'm gay. 'Queer' suggest a connection to a socio-political movement that is in no way related to me.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I embraced sparingly it when it was shorthand got LGB and happily chanted "we're here, we're queer and [fill in your own slogan]". I completely reject sharing it with straight teenage mean girls and blue/pink/greenhairsexuals.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

straight teenage mean girls and blue/pink/greenhairsexuals

This is another problem with the term. It's being used as an umbrella, catch-all term for an ever-increasing alphabet soup of narcissistic nonsense.

Anything that's not heterosexual, monogamous, P-in-V missionary sex with the lights off in the marital bed is now suddenly 'queer'. Anyone who does not rigidly conform to gender stereotypes is now 'queer' too, and they tack themselves on to LGB and get a seat at the table where grownups are discussing real issues.

[–]justvisiting 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

and they tack themselves on to LGB and get a seat at the table where grownups are discussing real issues.

Do they though? I mean, they used to in the past, sure, but all of it has fucking eroded like hell...

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, no, I see your point. I just want them to sit at a different table.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's a slur and it makes me uncomfortable to hear.

I heard it used occasionally growing up in a derogatory, homophobic way. Even now when I hear it, it still has the connotation of "bad/weird" or "something that should be regarded with dislike/repulsion." Some other slurs bother me more, e.g. "cunt", but I try to avoid saying all slurs whenever possible.

  • I still feel a little hurt hearing friends/acquaintance use the word "queer" even if I know that they are just trying to be respectful, and the far-left transgender movement has spread the lie that it is OK to just call same-sex-attracted people "queer" left and right.

  • I do think some bisexual people have internalized biphobia and use "queer" to avoid accepting their bisexuality.

  • Many who self-describe as "queer" are likely straight people who are trying to emphasize their political beliefs and to virtue signal, or do so because they believe that being "LGBTQ+" is a fun, open-minded choice (liberal homophobia's specific version of the more general homophobic belief that "being gay is a choice")

I am not open about my sexuality with most people, so it's not really an issue, but if a friend called me "queer" I would politely ask them to stop, same as if they casually called me another slur e.g. "retard" or "cunt" or whatever.

[–]Penguinberri 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Hate it, growing up in the 90s UK, it was always a slur that got yelled at us.

[–]dramasexual 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It is easily my most-loathed slur. I would much rather be called a dyke than queer.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The word still carries the baggage of the past and is a slur as I see it. People who "embrace" it are fools. The word is still used maliciously and reclaiming it will be more trouble than it could ever be worth.

[–]Retardation_station 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, it certainly is odd. . .

[–]JulienMayfair 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to use it in academia years ago, but I've stopped using it since it sunk in that 'queer,' as currently used, stands for opposition to most norms of behavior. It was always oppositional.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A slur and now a meaningless label. I object to being called that. People use it to virtue-signal. You're right about a lot of bi people not wanting to use the bi label though. I think most of the people who use "queer" as a label are bi or straight.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Queer is:

  • A slur against gay men, especially effeminate gay men

  • Now being used by bisexuals with internalized biphobia

  • Now being used by heterosexual gaytrenders who want woke credibility

  • Something that gay men and lesbians are now pressured into calling ourselves to at least appear to keep ourselves open to the opposite sex

  • Something that is now used to forcibly team us with those who have no same-sex attraction and share no unifying common interest

  • A term that connotes politics and nothing else. If someone tells me they’re queer, I don’t know if they like the same sex, both sexes, opposite sex, or neither sex.

  • A term that remains a slur because it is used to connote the idea that same-sex attraction is inherently subversive.

[–]oyasuminasai50 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's an idiotic word. It doesn't have any tangible meaning, and it's usually used by straight liberals who want to look woke and oppressed without having to actually do or say anything differently from a "non-queer" straight person.

That said I don't think it's offensive. It's just an idiotic word used by idiotic people.

[–]Uranian 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's utterly meaningless. It's not been reclaimed, it's been stolen by straight people who want to appear edgy and cool.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to be a reclaimer (saying queer community felt more natural to me than a list of letters), but at this point it's so appropriated by straight people with weird hair that I hear it as basically a TRA dogwhistle. It's also the name of the critical theory that's destroying our movement.

So, at this point, I hate it and feel it's essentially irredeemable, at least in my lifetime.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't like it, but I am not "offended" and I don't think it's a "slur." It's just a meaningless, stupid label with SJW connotations. I don't care if someone wants to identify as "queer", if they do I'll probably think less of them/that they're just an idiot hipster chasing trends, but it's not my business until they start calling me that too, or other similar words ("LGBTQ person" "Twink" "A gay" etc) to which I will politely but firmly ask them to stop, and if they don't stop... well then I'll probably get petty about it.

I much prefer being called (BIG SCARY F-WORD, fuck censorship) but hey.

Also unpopular opinion but 90% of the people I see calling themselves "queer" are lesbian & bisexual women, no joke. I rarely see actual straight people using it. When I see a self identified "queer" it is almost always a lesbian or bi woman who calls herself such because either she wants to fit in and/or her girlfriend is "nonbinary" or some stupid shit and won't let her call herself lesbian/bi.

In second place is a subset of gay man who call themselves a whole range of names, and then straight people probably come after that.

[–]MatthewofHouseGraySuper straight ally :) 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's fucking stupid that the word was tacked on to the LGBT. The original meaning of the word is "strange" and that word eventually got tacked on towards homosexuals which means they are "strange people". The people who tack the word on to themselves are straight out degrading themselves because as I said, the real meaning of the word is "strange".

[–]dreamgermsbisexual nightmare 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hearing younger gay and bisexual people refer to themselves as ‘queer’ or throw the word around so casually will probably always leave a bad taste in my mouth, but I understand the idea behind reclaiming slurs. I don’t like it and I don’t agree with it, and I don’t ever want to be referred to as “queer”, but if some gay people find it empowering, then so be it. What makes me feverishly angry though is hearing fucking straight people using that word without the slightest hesitation. Especially when these are the same straight people who used to hurl that word at me and my gay friends at every chance they got, who enunciated each letter with the kind of aggressive toxicity that makes you naturally freeze up with fear, who would spit that word into the air while they threw bottles at us, beat us, groped us, threatened us for simply existing. I will never accept that shit, and I think it’s a tragedy that straight people ever get to say that word, regardless of intent.

The other problem I have is that “queer” doesn’t mean what it used to. It used to only refer to gay and lesbian people; when you said “queer”, you know what it meant. Now it’s just nonsense. It means anything and everything, supposedly, and applies to people who aren’t gay, and to a host of sexualities invented by bored people on the internet who want to feel special. I don’t think LGB studies/theory should be called “Queer Theory” or whatever, either. Some women have reclaimed the word “bitch”, but we don’t call women’s studies “Bitch Studies”.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]automoderatorHuman-Exclusionary Radical Overlord[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Your submission has been removed due to:

    Rule 4. Disallowed Language

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    [–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Whenever I see this word I just know I'll either deal with some woke bullshit or woke person. It makes me avoid such places and people.

    [–]starjellotext 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm okay with others using it if they want, but I won't because I find it odd. It's used as a kind of umbrella term yet still a part of LGBTQ+, which is just strange. People also use it if they are bisexual, questioning their orientation, or gender non-conforming. I wish more people would say lavender instead of LGBT+ because that is not a slur and purple has been historically associated with us.

    I can't say I agree with the concept of "reclaimed" slurs either. I know people immediately use the n-word as an example, but we don't say the n-word community, n-word studies, or n-word people; we say Africana studies, the black community and black people. Racists and some black people may use the n-word variations, but the former do so maliciously and the latter do so for comedic purposes. The n-word, supposedly the reclaimed word, is still a vulgar.