DiscussionHow many of you have genuinely experienced actual, extreme gender dysphoria? And please dont exaggerate but i mean actual, almost borderline creepy, harmful levels of what we now call gender dysphoria? Not the "im a tomboy" but "there's something deeply wrong with me" until you got over it.

submitted by schomee from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]julesburm1891 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Honestly? Yeah. I used to wish I would wake up as a boy all the time when I was a kid and teenager. I felt like I was just wrong and I hated myself. And then it went away when I was around 20.

Looking back, I think a lot of it was that I liked a lot of stereotypical boy things and my parents weren’t on board. For example, I wanted to do karate and I was told I couldn’t because it was for boys. My parents put me in ballet instead. I wanted to be able to wear pants to church, play in the mud, do science experiments in the garage, take shop class, etc. And I always got told no. Meanwhile, my sister is the girliest girl and would keep asking me what was wrong with me and why couldn’t I just be normal.

I think the fact that I got bullied a lot by boys in high school was another factor. For whatever reason, there was a group that thought it was hilarious to make sexual jokes about me (in front of me) all the time. (Probably because I was so quiet and nerdy, but who really knows?) Add in the fact that girls spend their entire lives being warned that a bunch of creeps want to rape us and you have a perfect recipe for always feeling unsafe and judged in your body.

And, obviously, the whole homosexual thing was probably a big chunk of it too. That was verboten in my family and where I grew up. I spent all of my teenage years hating myself because of it and trying to change myself. Out of self-loathing and loneliness, I definitely thought that things would be so much better if I could just magically be a straight boy.

I grew up, lived on my own, and accepted my homosexuality and then it went away. It’s kind of scary to think that it could’ve fucked me up forever if I had been born a decade later.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend? 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have, and it scares me to think about how different my life would be if I was surrounded by different people during that time. I didn't even know what it was at first, just that I finally accepted that I was a lesbian and then I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I would cry if I did, and at one point I thought about top surgery. Thankfully, my friends (and therapist) recognized that what I needed was time and reassurance that I would be okay and that I didn't need to make any drastic decisions and/or changes to my body and eventually it passed. Accepting my feelings as valid and real instead of "affirming" them as reality honestly saved me.

[–]schomee[S] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

do you think meeting other gays/lesbians helped you? I had almost borderline suicidal levels of gender dysphoria and we need to talk about it. Not for some spiritual drum circle but to finally take back our experiences. I'm gay but it's interesting how the lesbians answering this question seem to mirror it exactly the same way a gay boy/teenager would.

I'm not sure how i got over my dysphoria though. It was genuinely and sincerely extreme, distressing and it was just a vile feeling but something clicked in my head and it all went away when i accepted that i'm just gay. But i genuinely think if i didnt have any contact with gay males (the positive ones) i would have been hyper feminine and almost 3 seconds away from the verge of "identifying" as trans.

If we're willing to have genuine, painful and honest conversations about this even if theyre humbling and humiliating, we can find the solution to the dysphoria or at least package our experiences. I think the only people who can be the key ending this, whether we like it or not are homosexuals. Not that we're "special" but the HSTS are the original transexuals and our community forms the original seeds that help the transexual community grow.

I've just never heard anyone talk about it into great, meticulous detail of how it disappears and why we think it even happens but if this group wants to have meaningful conversations, i feel like this would be the most meaningful conversation to have. Not just for, again, drum healing circle moments but to actually create devastating counter points infused with sympathy against transexualism as a solution to gender dysphoria and to provide a genuine solution to ending the gender dysphoria.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

i went through a period of about 5-6 years during adolescence where i was extremely jealous of male puberty, despised my own body and the changes it was going through, and felt deeply broken for being female. my sexual orientation had a lot to do with it too because i felt like a pervert for liking girls while being a girl myself. if given the option of "becoming a man" instead, i would've done so immediately.

these feelings began to disappear in young adulthood, and were completely gone by my early 20s. i'm not sure if it was just life experience or coming to terms with being a lesbian or maybe a combination. there are still times when i wish i was a man and also struggle with body image issues, but i'm actually for the most part, pretty content with being female and a lesbian. my teenage self would've never predicted that. the old school gay activism slogan was correct after all, it really does "get better".

[–]strawberrycake 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m technically desisted despite my case not being possibly that severe. I fit the DSM-5’s definition of childhood dysphoria. Then I grew up and it got worse with the exposure of Tumblr/queer theory. There was a few years I thought I was trans. I was dissatisfied with my male body. With my unaccepting family I thought I’d be better off a straight woman. I hated my body too with several attempts to starve myself, shave off all my body hair, etc.

For a short time I tried to accept I was a trans woman. Then I got so disillusioned with the trans community for its genital preference debates and its lies about gay history. I stopped believing in gender and it helped. Eventually my feelings stabilized in my mid-20s (I’m in my late 20s now).

I have pangs of dysphoria now and then. It’s more than manageable these days, though. I accept I’m a gay male with feminine interests. I’m also really glad I never took hormones or anything.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I didn't really experience gender dysphoria, no, but it happened something to me I think it has to do with this topic. Growing up and realizing I was a lesbian at 14, so being aware of it during most of my adolescence was very hard. Because of lack of lesbian and gay representation, and growing up knowing no one like me, homossexual, has made me question my gender identity and this was even before this TQ+ ideology. I felt horrible, as if liking women made me more masculine or less of a woman or more like a "man". Feeling like I'll never be like the other women. Like I'll never fit in. And all this sexual feelings towards women, along with internalized homophobia and lack of representation, made me seriously question if I wasn't indeed a man. I was in absolute panic because I already hated the fact I was a lesbian and having to do multiple surgeries to resemble a man terrified me. I remember that feeling of panic every time I remember that moment and I never forgot it. Eventually, I tried to calm myself down, and brushed that feelings off, and eventually I came to grown with no more doubts regarding gender and loving being a woman. It's relevant to say that I was not even masculine, it was really the isolating experience of growing a lesbian that made me have this "complicated" atribulated adolescence and all this self hating thoughts and doubts.

[–]schomee[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

See, this is the dangerous part. Where when having to work through these feelings and most likely the intense internalized homophobia because of the culture we grew up in, and then someone giving you a "way out". It almost seems like the representation is what helps and if you receive validation for your internalized homophobia through transexualism, then that's when people transition.

And you dont even have to be a masculine lesbian to want to transition. Just look at the flood of ridiculously feminine straight women transitioning as well.

I feel like so many of our problems come from internalizing the homophobia we experience but it slowly goes away when we see "our kind" and learn to redefine ourselves. But there's an incredibly dangerous stage of vulnerability we have where people can validate our dehumanization and insecurities by presenting us with identities that encourage us to embrace our damage with transitioning.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I totally agree with you. This is a very important topic.

[–]TarshishJupiterpolitically homeless 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

YES. It happened when I was 17-19. I felt physical disgust at seeing my female form in the mirror, not because I wished I was prettier, but because I wished I was male. I even thought maybe I was a man "on the inside" or non-binary. It caused me actual depression when people recognized me as a woman.

Then later I started reading about feminist topics, and I realized I had pushed myself into a trans box because I hated how I grew up, and hated how women were made to feel in my community. I did indeed "get over it", though there was more to it than that. These days I feel very embodied and mindful of myself as a woman in a positive way. I'm not trying to escape something I can't change.

This is why I have compassion for young people going through gender dysphoria. I think they had what I had, but their minds fell into the wrong hands and they lost their grip on reality.

[–]schomee[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i'm gay and had the same type of experience but again, we all seem to be reciting the same thing except making up reasons as to how or why we "got over it". It's that "getting over it" that's the magic ingredient, or process or stage we need to examine to help younger people. Whatever this magical element or thing is that helped us "get over it" or however it just clicked into our minds that we're ok with the way we are and our skin stops crawling with disgust, anxiety and "dysphoria" is what we can use to help stop this by presenting it to younger gays and lesbians.

I think the only problem we'll have is just like how 30, maybe even just 20 years ago gays and lesbians would be fabricating false explanations as to why we're homosexuals (hours and hours of pathologizing ourselves and making up stories of how gay men had closer relationships to their dads and that's why theyre gay or lesbians being evil dominant creepy people whose very essence was to hate men because they wanted to replace or be them because they were somehow mistreated by them and thats why theyre lesbian) i feel like gays and lesbians can fuck up this incredibly important conversation by fabricating reasons for how we got over our dysphoria.

I genuinely think there is no other place on the internet except for here for this conversation to happen and to package it all up and help end this whole dysphoria thing and end the cycle of transing gays/lesbians. We're the main core of transexualism and if we greatly diminish the HSTS people, then the AGP people will have no link into the gay/lesbian community and will slowly disappear or maybe they'll be oppressed because we'll have a language to deal with dysphoria and present a solution that isnt about transitioning.

I grew up truly believing that i was a mistake..but a good mistake. It was just natural for me to believe i was just some sort of weird female trapped inside a male's body and that was my definition of being gay and i was fine with it. My definition slowly evolved and changed and i became more stable but holy mother of god, if those people ever got a hold of me when i was 14-17 i would have been FUUUUCKED. That's what concerns me.

[–]usehername 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wasn't gonna overshare, but after reading the comments I decided to overshare more than I ever have on this site in the hopes that we can relate to each other and/or it somehow furthers the conversation. Also I really feel the need to type this out for some reason. Don't feel bad if you can't get through it and feel free to ask questions even if they're invasive. Though, older people, if you want to see the Gen Z experience, here it is.

I am still dysphoric, but nowhere near as extreme as I was when I was younger. Felony child abuse had something to do with it, but there was more to it than that. It just made my case more extreme. I was always a masculine child but was forcibly feminized by my family, especially my sister. Eventually, I allowed them to break my spirit and became hyperfeminine for a time. Anyways, back in time to me being a masculine kid. I had masculine interests and hated the way I was supposed to obsess over my looks. I had zero friends, not even the boys with which I shared common interests. They were sexist, though we probably could've still been friends if I wasn't a hateful person. I had no social skills, and later learned that the other kids considered me a bully. I was really mean as a kid so I didn't develop many relationships, and if I ever did get a friend I would end up nuking the friendship.

Then I hit puberty and was interested in girls only. I'm not gonna lie and say I don't still question my sexuality (lesbian or bi), but we'll get into that later. I got into pills at a young age, and one of the other girls took advantage of me. She was revolting so it wasn't an awakening or anything lol. No, I was in love with her best friend (also my best friend, I only had 3 friends in middle school after I nuked a couple elementary friends and it was only for a short while before this situation was also nuked), but after I OD'ed, her family decided I was a bad influence and no longer allowed me to see her. I am in 7th grade at this time. I had a precocious puberty so I basically had huge tits. My sister had decided when I was in 5th grade (I already had B cups by then, and I was not fat at all, underweight actually. I just developed really quickly) my childhood was over and it was time to ramp up the forced feminization to 100, so I wore clothes that showed my cleavage and makeup and short shorts. I dyed my hair blonde and straightened it every day. If I didn't do this I was ridiculed by her, but she would also get upset when I would get dresscoded at school and she'd say I was dressing like a slut. Lol.

I wanted attention from several girls, especially the one I was in love with but things were pretty much fucked with her at this point. There is a lot more, but basically I wasn't able to socialize properly with anyone. I stole the pills so I would hand them out for free at school trying to make friends.

I met another girl and she was the only one who ever said no to the free pills and she was just jaw-dropping. I fell in love again lol. She turned out to be one of the most fucked-in-the-head people but I'll get to that. Being with her... just made me want to be a man so bad. I was already disgusted with my body for the role I was fucked into but nothing made me want to be a man more than wanting to be a man for her. When it was all over, she told me she felt the exact same thing. I remember her being so angry. "I WANTED TO BE A MAN FOR YOU!!" I wonder if she was looking into transitioning like I was. This was back when we were still in middle school, though things ended with her after I graduated high school.

I considered myself a closet trans man at this point. I was looking into transition surgeries like a mastectomy, though I was discouraged at the state of neopenis surgeries. They look absolutely horrendous. I watched a lot of YouTubers talk about their experiences transitioning, trans-identified females who passed (to my adolescent eyes) and said it fixed all their problems and saved their lives. You can imagine that I've been suicidal since elementary school. I knew that my mother (and not my father either, though I didn't live with him so it didn't matter) would never agree to let me transition, so I never told her.

For my highschool years, I began to forcibly feminize myself, joined cheer, believed I was 100% a lesbian, and eventually got back into pills. I had quit after going to rehab somewhere between 8th and 9th grade. I ended up graduating early by taking extra classes, spending my last two (2 of 3) years almost never showing up. Eventually, they stopped calling my parents to say I was absent. Somehow I still passed lol. Academics aren't the hard part for me, it's literally everything else, including showing up. Being a mentally ill mess is quitessential "trans man" in my experience. I know a trans-identified female who also had zero friends throughout our years in school together. I wonder if she had anything going on at home. What I, the trans-id female (mods just let us use the acronym ffs), and the girl I was in love with had in common was that we were all female and wanted to be male, all interested in women (1 lesbian, 2 bi I think including me), and had no fucking social skills and spent a ton of time on the internet.

If you read that whole thing, I hope you aren't scarred for life. I hope this at least provided some insight.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

I tried to mimic men and pretend to be a man, so homophobia stops, as everyone said I am wrong in loving women, and I thought it is very wrong for me to be born like that. And most women were not loving women too, so I thought that it will be impossible to marry or date any woman. And I had other problems with misogyny - like not getting job as "woman engineer/programmer? Ha ha", all the disrespect from society and limited possibilities compared to men. So I thought I should be just a man really - to stop homophobia, to find a woman to date and to feel myself like a real human being. I did not know a lot about sexuality at all (I am from former USSR, so there was no information about homosexuality and homophobic propaganda was saying that it is something learned, not something innate - so I thought if I pretend to be a man, then heterosexual women would love me too, and it all was before internet was a big thing). I spent like 10-15 years self-hating because of those reasons, until met amazing lesbian woman, who explained me a lot and tought how to love myself.

So I am not surprised with some "transmen gay men" who are surprised and very sad when gay mend do not want them, as they are reminding me myself - they are just lied to and they genuinely think it is how it will work. Thought in age of internet it is easier to find correct answers, but today everything LGB-connected is tainted with gender ideology, like lesbian sites or guides of lesbian sex - all include men with penises and sex with "girl dicks". So maybe it is confusing to them.

I guess that is why Tavistock data showing that 90% of girls and 80% of boys who are put on puberty blockers or cross-sex hormones - are homosexual or bisexual: https://i.imgur.com/9JdC6nN.jpg

It is mass-gay conversion therapy movement.

I am pretty sure I'd be transman if I was born 15 years later, and then I'd be regreting transition for the rest of my life.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

I would still suck your big clitoris, anyway ;)

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 7 insightful - 6 fun7 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Elvy, stahp!

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Can't never stop thinking of you, my empress.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, when I was a kid I always said to be a male and imagined myself with a wife an stuff.

[–]ishutmyeyestosee 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I did. I was born in the early 80s, so I had no concept of gender or gender identity or transitioning.

Starting around 5, I would cry to my parents about wanting to be a boy - a few things happened around then that may have contributed, I had learned my parents had expected a boy because the ultrasounds indicated one, I started playing sports, and I started playing video games, especially roleplaying games that involved heroic men saving princesses.

It was a 24/7 thing. I'd say things like "if I'm a tomboy, then I am a boy - it's part of the word" (ironic to have a 5 year old's logic thrown back in my face by trans activists today). I'd go to bed praying I'd wake up the next day as a boy. I thought about killing myself and hoping reincarnation was true and I could be reincarnated into a male body. Once on a Donahue-esque talk show, I saw an intersex man who said he was thought to be a girl at birth, but they discovered he had internal male parts at puberty and I began believing that's what inevitably would happen to me. Spoiler alert: It didn't.

I externally desisted around puberty, not because I stopped wanting to be a boy, but because I was becoming socially aware of how off putting and weird I was being. But internally I was still more dysphoric than ever, much worse because of puberty and what it was doing to me. I daydreamed as a male, I would go into low key shock when some one referred to me as a girl or a woman. If a male showed romantic interest in me, I'd go home and cry my eyes out because I couldn't believe a heterosexual male saw me that way. This lasted somewhere into my mid 20s. At some point, I got a lot better about not letting my sex hold me back from things I wanted to do around then and started pursuing hobbies I had always wanted to do even if they were more masculine and intimidating, even if it meant I wasn't very good at them.

I switched to a more lowkey "things would be easier if I were a man" after that, and it became even more low key when I came out as gay in my 30s. I'd say I still have some pangs of envy when I see a male who looks like I imagined male me looking, but it doesn't ruin my day and I've otherwise accepted things as they are. If I could push a button and become an actual good looking, athletic man, I'd probably do it. Though I wouldn't do it if it meant being an ordinary or ugly man. And I definitely wouldn't do it if it meant being a transman.

Luckily the first transgender person I ever met (when I was around 18) was an FtM who just looked and acted like a butch lesbian, so transitioning struck me as incredibly stupid and delusional. If I had met a passing FtM, that may have doomed me. And if I had met a passing, handsome transman like Laith Ashley, I don't see any way I wouldn't be on hormones now.

I'm not the most well adjusted person - for years, I operated like an NPC even within my own life because a female life didn't seem worth living so I missed out on a lot of early milestones and development. But I can look at any anime avatar on Twitter and see that things could definitely be worse.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Luckily the first transgender person I ever met (when I was around 18) was an FtM who just looked and acted like a butch lesbian, so transitioning struck me as incredibly stupid and delusional. If I had met a passing FtM, that may have doomed me. And if I had met a passing, handsome transman like Laith Ashley, I don't see any way I wouldn't be on hormones now.

This is true for me too and I think it’s been formative in my understanding of trans-identifying people. The first 3 such people I met in life were obviously mentally ill or autistic. None of them passed. I could never think of any of them as their target sex. The very first was also an FtM who was a non-feminine lesbian but who in no way struck me as male. She was also the first lesbian I had met, which if I’m honest, probably also contributed to me being unable to recognize my own homosexuality. Because I definitely saw her as a lesbian. She had a girlfriend, was from a homophobic culture, and had a laundry list of mental health disorders, so this seemed par for the course.

Two of the three “came out” as trans a decade and a half ago. One “came out” 8 years ago. So the former were pre-social contagion and the other fell into some online anime/trans community and has made that his main hobby/entire life. He is also non-hormone/non-op.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't know whether this counts as extreme, or even as gender dysphoria at all, but here goes anyway:

Throughout my childhood, not only never wanted to be a boy, was actively distressed when mom planned to get my waist-length hair cut short, specifically because I so dreaded the prospect of being mistaken for one. Disliked/was afraid of boys (and men), in fact. My interests were always pretty non-tomboy-ish, too. So, far from typical of the stories I'm seeing from other women here.

HOWEVER. Well into adulthood, one of the fictional characters that I made up was a man... and he took over my imagination so completely as to become a veritable alter ego. I cast him in various roles and stories, under different names... but it was always the same guy. Not "me as a man", though, at least appearance-wise-- we look nothing alike-- but he has my personality. And I lived as him, in my head, for... years. Until very recently, in fact. And the sense of wanting to BE him physically got pretty strong towards the end. Yet I never thought in terms of "transitioning", or indeed of being "trans" (possibly because, even if I could somehow have changed into a man, it wouldn't be one that resembled him at all, thus defeating the entire purpose).

I have some idea of how and why this happened, and what it meant; all seem (again) rather different than the other gender-dysphoria accounts I've come across. But I thought my experience might be of some value/interest for precisely this reason.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh my fucking God, I thought I was the only person in the world who did this! I was aged about 8-13, I forgot all about him when I hit puberty 😬 I also pretty much exclusively read young adult books about boys.

I always thought it was maladaptive daydreaming 'cause I couldn't cope with other kid problems. It's just now occuring to me it could have been related to sexuality. Very weird and embarrassing behavior that I knew not to talk about even as a kid.

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not extreme, but yeah.

Up to the point I'd stare obsessively at my body in the mirror and try very hard to make it connect in my head, "you're a girl"

I wasn't necessarily distressed, but I was... confused, I guess. It's like the puzzle pieces just didn't fit. Anytime someone voiced their perception of me as a girl, my mind would stutter on it. I'd go "ah... Yes. That's right. I am a girl."

After I discovered all the trans stuff online I wondered for a bit. But then it made me anxious to think the only way for me to feel healthy would be to drastically alter my appearance. It'd draw attention, and that's something I never want to deal with. I thought it wasn't for me because it'd make me a million times more anxious about how people perceive me. Just the thought of having to stop someone mid-sentence to say "uh, sorry, actually I'm not a woman" ah... No. Wasn't for me.

So, I had to find another way. Honestly I didn't try very hard, as I said it wasn't crippling, only... very uncomfortable. Sometimes I wondered if I was insane for looking at myself and thinking "but this isn't me though". But that's it. It never escalated any higher.

I realised I was a lesbian by reading testimonies of detransistioned lesbians, who transitioned specifically because they couldn't accept themselves as lesbians. For a few hours my mind was blank, and then the light bulb switched on. I read and read and read, every single one I could find. I read about their journey to reconciliation with their female body. I picked my life back up from where I left it, I quit my studies, I moved away, I downloaded a dating app and then deleted it and downloaded it again. Lol. And one day, just like that, I looked at my body in the mirror and I realised I felt no more confusion. Yes, that's me. Just... me. A woman.

I can't say I'm completely fine with myself either, but I'm trying to identify the things I struggle with and find ways to make it easier. There is this deep rooted belief in me, that women don't desire other women sexually. Or if they do, they should also desire men in this way. "Women don't sleep with women. Men sleep with women. Everything would make sense if I was a man." It's simple, primitive, and verified by 90% of the population. We shouldn't kid ourselves thinking this is an easy belief to let go of... I'm too harsh on myself sometimes, trying to beat acceptance into my skull lol.

My dad told me what I need is a girlfriend. I think he might be right 😂 I overthink my sexuality specifically because I'm not living it, pretty sure.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To such a strong degree - never. But I wanted to be a boy in my childhood but it was never associated with distress about being female. As a teen I started feeling somewhat sad how male peers were getting taller and stronger than me. I envied them that. I was sad I was no longer seen as their equal but as an object to date only. And then I had moments of hating she/her pronouns and feminine forms used to me. But this was related to internalized misogyny. I still kinda have some subtle stingy feeling when I have to gender myself as female via verbs (in my native language I gender myself via verbs, so that's why I feel better using English when I can basically forget about it) but I know this isn't right and a whole-ass transition for that reason is just ridiculous. I'm fighting against it with some good changes. It needs time. Transition would be like drinking coffee to solve the issue of feeling tired.

[–]Shales123 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. When I started puberty I constantly had intrusive thoughts about cutting my breasts off. It didn't help that I was wearing DD bras by the time I reached 8th grade. In HS it faded away, but then came back even worse when I joined LGBTQ forums on reddit. When I peaked, I got off social media and it when away

[–]worried19 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not sure if I qualify as an extreme case, but I definitely had classic early onset gender dysphoria. Rejected dresses at age 3. I refused all female clothing and demanded my hair be cut short like a boy at age 5. This was preceded by violent, screaming tantrums, and I was an otherwise placid, obedient kid. I spent the rest of my childhood basically "passing" as a boy, socializing with only boys, playing on boys' sports teams, and so on.

However, my inner turmoil was only related to social roles, never my body. I had no physical distress, not even at puberty. Puberty was slightly weird and alarming, but I never felt like I wanted to cut my breasts off or grow a penis. Thus I concluded I was not a transsexual. This was back when "born in the wrong body" transsexuality was the standard, not merely social dysphoria.

I always felt there was something abnormal about me, though. I knew I wasn't a lesbian and I wasn't a transsexual, but I had no idea what I was. I just felt like a freak of nature not suited for life in this society. I wouldn't say I've totally gotten over it. I still struggle with having been born female, but learning about radical feminism and gender critical thought has helped me come to peace with it.