Lesbian"If you're lesbian, you must necessarily be into kink and/or infantilization" - r/actualtransbians posts a "lesbian alignment chart"

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[–][deleted] 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Where is "respectful adult relationship between equals?"

Oh, right, this is just what porn addicted straight men think lesbians are like.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I know right! The closest thing they get to that is

You love to cuddle, kiss and hold hands. You are wholesome and adorable

And of course, all sexuality in the post is described from the angle of "good girl/bad girl," very infantilizing, and no "I'm an adult woman who wants to have sex/a relationship."

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I would bail out of a relationship so fast if she was acting like a child or trying to be dominant/controlling over me. Those are both big massive red flags for an unhealthy relationship, but these men want to encourage dysfunctional relationships for some reason.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I bet all this top/bottom shit comes from them.Lots of men see relationships as power dynamics, and can't fathom equality. A woma being dominant (both sexually or otherwise) is my major dealbreaker. I could not waste a sec to to tell her to fuck off in hell lol

[–]Fusrodamus 31 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 0 fun32 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Can someone please explain what's going on with the desire for head pats? I've never seen a woman express this, it's always AGP dudes, usually the guys who imagine themselves as uwu anime catgirls.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You know immediately that it's a creepy transbian the minute they start talking about head pats.

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Can someone please explain what's going on with the desire for head pats?

Anime, that's all.

They do not have any first hand experience on what being a lesbian is like.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 17 insightful - 6 fun17 insightful - 5 fun18 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

They do not have any first hand experience on what being a lesbian is like.

Are you saying watching lesbian porn doesn't make you a lesbian?! That's exclusionary t*rf talk!!

[–]spicebutton 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

This seems dangerous. These are straight men in wigs who have no idea what gay or lesbian "culture" or sexual dynamics are so they end up taking things they heard from gay men and transferring them on to lesbians, creating a feedback loop where they end up teaching lesbians about their own identities and culture through the most homophobic and distorted understanding of homosexuality that they might as well be old homophobic church women explaining how gay/lesbian relationships work.

There are multiple stages to discovering your gay identity and one of them certainly includes overcoming your internalized homophobia and to stop thinking in terms of "man vs woman". There are a minority of very damaged gays and lesbians who think in these heterosexist terms and instead of learning to be better and fix themselves, we're not just validating those people but damaging even more healthy gays and lesbians.

And notice how everything is essentialized like theyre permanent identities? Even within the gay world, using top and bottom is supposed to be a shameful sign of being damaged and thinking of yourself in terms of straight man and woman. If we "YouRe VaLLLLLLiDDD" every single thing then how do we shame people's toxicty to fix them?

One thing that makes homosexual relationships superior to heterosexual ones is that theyre more egalitarian. Can we not at least still retain that?

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These are straight men in wigs who have no idea what gay or lesbian "culture" or sexual dynamics are so they end up taking things they heard from gay men and transferring them on to lesbians, creating a feedback loop where they end up teaching lesbians about their own identities and culture through the most homophobic and distorted understanding of homosexuality that they might as well be old homophobic church women explaining how gay/lesbian relationships work.

Yep.

It's not a coincidence that most of these pornsick straight men think effeminate gay men mannerisms = women. They have no clue on what's like to be gay/lesbian, so they resort to cheap stereotypes.

Even within the gay world, using top and bottom is supposed to be a shameful sign of being damaged and thinking of yourself in terms of straight man and woman.

In real life, tops bottom once in a while and bottoms also top once in a while. This is just a matter of preference, not a religion or something.

Also, wokesters love to encourage this shit, for some reason. I thought they were supposed to be progressives or something.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These are straight men in wigs who have no idea what gay or lesbian "culture" or sexual dynamics are so they end up taking things they heard from gay men and transferring them on to lesbians

You totally explain the situation better than anyone. The top and bottom in lesbian world took over after the queers insurgence, Since queers come from an hetero culture with strict roles. Roles that they want to portrait even in same sex women relationships. Young lesbians adopt this terminology because they have been taught to think like that from queers dominanted LGBT places. It's quite sad and depressing

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This seems dangerous. These are straight men in wigs who have no idea what gay or lesbian "culture" or sexual dynamics are so they end up taking things they heard from gay men and transferring them on to lesbians, creating a feedback loop where they end up teaching lesbians about their own identities and culture through the most homophobic and distorted understanding of homosexuality that they might as well be old homophobic church women explaining how gay/lesbian relationships work.

Thank you, you put this into words in a way I was struggling to.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

archive link: https://archive.ph/Jwmvf

alternate title: "So, who wears the pants in the relationship?" 2021 edition

I know, I know, AL is low-hanging fruit. But this post really struck me because it insists that lesbian sex fits in a very specific set of boxes. If I were a young teenager trying to find other gay women to relate to and saw this, I would be confused as all hell.

[–]DimDroog 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Did you see the comments?

Some of the people there weren't having it.

That place is crazy.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I did! I so appreciate people speaking up but they're just going to get banned... sad to see. It IS crazy.

[–]howdidthishappen 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I said it before and I’ll say it again: Had I’ve been a teen today I would have probably never come out lol. Like when I first ventured into LGBT forums back then, shit was so easy and normal.

„Oh you only like women? Well you’re a lesbian, welcome buddy. Let’s chat about random shit, the good, the bad and of course the latest L Word episode! “

Nowadays?

„Oh you only like women? Well fuck off if that doesn’t include trans women, you vagina fetishist! Let us and the queerromantic, nb, demisexual bi lesbians talk about hentai, dicks and Kinks in peace, TERF.“

Shit really is confusing and surreal and I feel horrible for todays teen lesbians.

Or I’d be a „straight trans man“, but that’s another thing lol

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

„Oh you only like women? Well you’re a lesbian, welcome buddy. Let’s chat about random shit, the good, the bad and of course the latest L Word episode! “

Lol I can't even imagine that. Like you can tell me that it used to be like that, and I can't even imagine it being that easy. I am Gen Z myself, my first and ONLY impression of "LGBTQ+" social media was: every single post on Tumblr ending with "T*RFS go kill yourselves" and feeling shocked every time I saw it, and wondering if I was being a stick in the mud for thinking you shouldn't tell anyone to kill themselves! It's crazy!

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel like I shouldn't have to say it, but I'm far from a prude, and this makes my skin crawl to read. This is just so off-putting that words cannot express it. Lesbians are whole women with whole relationships with one another. Dividing things up this way is unnatural, inaccurate, and harmful. Even if the content itself were relatable. Which it's not. This was not put together by and is not being validated by any female who's actually ever been in a relationship with another female. These are the thoughts of porn and anime-addicted men/boys and the impressionable women/girls that they influence who lack their own experience to know better.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It grosses me out to the extreme, too. And makes me so angry. Like what the actual fuck. The "lesbian" communities on Reddit are just filled with stereotype after stereotype, and creepy fetishization to the max. And no one seems to notice or care. Well-- it seems like no one notices or cares, but what's actually happening is that anyone who disagrees in the slightest gets instantly-banned. r/actuallesbians is the perfect example of what "identity tourism" looks like in the wild.

This was not put together by and is not being validated by any female who's actually ever been in a relationship with another female. These are the thoughts of porn and anime-addicted men/boys and the impressionable women/girls that they influence who lack their own experience to know better.

Yup. Exactly. There were even one or two lesbian women pushing back on it in the comments. Wonder how long it'll be til they get banned for wrongthink. It's so depressing. - Which is why I almost never look at AL anymore. But I was linked to a meme there earlier and saw that post recommended, and felt like it was too fitting to not post.

[–]Retardation_station 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There's absolutely no way that this was created by a woman. Not saying they couldn't, but they wouldn't.

[–]Redditishell 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I am a hard top. But thats not because I'm gay, if I was straight I'd be just as much if a top, and if I wasn't into kink I'd still be gay.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Just curious, when you say "top" do you mean top as in how it's used by the kink community? Do you feel like this chart is at all accurate to your experience, or is it describing something else?

[–]Redditishell 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Just curious, when you say "top" do you mean top as in how it's used by the kink community?

Yes

Do you feel like this chart is at all accurate to your experience, or is it describing something else?

Not as a lesbian. But certainly as someone into kink, something that has nothing to do with being gay.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Makes total sense. Thank you for explaining :)

[–]hufflepuff-poet 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I hate how the woman's pleasure (since this was obviously written by a larping transbian) is centered completely on what her partner wants instead of expressing her own unique desires, it's all about how she wants to "use or be used" by her partner. More male projections of what a lesbian is--ie a straight male fantasy.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agree with your observation, that's important to point it out. It makes me sad to think about because I feel like I know so many women who feel bad about asking for what they want, or speaking up about their own desires. I know I struggle to sometimes. Stereotype-filled memes like this one only perpetuate that problem.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hate how the woman's pleasure (since this was obviously written by a larping transbian) is centered completely on what her partner wants instead of expressing her own unique desires, it's all about how she wants to "use or be used" by her partner. More male projections of what a lesbian is--ie a straight male fantasy.

Also, I think, it's about how these AGP men see women (lesbian or otherwise): namely, through the lens of their own sissy-humiliation fetish.

To them, there is no greater humiliation than being a woman. It's an inherently, inescapably degrading state. Which (due to their fetish) they find extremely hot. And, since they "identify" as women... that means women must find it extremely hot. We're all turned on by being humiliated and degraded. Cuz that's the very NATURE of women.

Hence this lesbians-are-kinky-by-definition crap. I mean, given that "woman" is merely a kink category in these men's sick, solipsistic heads... how could it be otherwise?

[–]Rage-Xion 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

How many real lesbians are there left on this sub?

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Not sure if you're looking for a substantive answer, but I did a breakdown on AL's demographics survey a while back.

31% of all AL, and 48% of self-described "AL lesbians", are actually lesbians as we here define the term.

Keep in mind, though, those numbers are the UPPER limit for an estimate. Because some transwomen like to self-report as "female" or "cisgender women" when they're not, lol, which would inflate those numbers. But short answer, less than 1/3 of the people there, and maybe a lot less.

[–]Rage-Xion 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

thank you