Gay MenOr, crazy idea here, you could not chase the one subset of men who aren’t into women and play the victim about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

I’m trying to sort some similar things out. The dating apps are so fucked. Can’t they just ask people if they’re okay dating an FTM in the settings? it could be so simple!!

It was implied that you weren't supposed to be on Grindr since it was an app for same-sex attracted men before a Chinese company had it's way.

What’s the cutoff for the definition of chasers? Some gay cis men seem to be like “oh hey that’s really cool, I’m into that!” Especially stone tops.

The conflation and appropriation of terms used by different sects of same-sex attracted people (stone for lesbians, tops for gay men) fucking sends me.

[–][deleted] 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The chasers thing always confuses me. It's like they specifically want to date people who aren't attracted to them.

And I know they have no problem with fetishization considering their whole identity is based around fetishizing gay men.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

And I know they have no problem with fetishization considering their whole identity is based around fetishizing gay men.

They doth protest too much. It's also how narcissists act. They tell you their inner thoughts and put "not" in front of them or just attribute them to other people because they are masters of projection. They're so self-centered that they actually think that everyone else thinks and acts just like them. No, you're the fetishist. I can't be a fetishist because that's bad and I'm not the one who is bad, which is you.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Can’t they just ask people if they’re okay dating an FTM in the settings?

This got me too. The L, G, and most of the B have been asking for this for years so we don’t have to waste our time or wind up in uncomfortable/dangerous situations. Literally every time we advocate for it, they wail transphobia. When people put it clearly in their bio, they flip out and try to get their account deleted.

If they refuse to leave our spaces, they at least need to give us an avenue to say no for everyone’s sake.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 25 insightful - 10 fun25 insightful - 9 fun26 insightful - 10 fun -  (1 child)

You're not supposed to say no. Don't you get it yet?

[–]julesburm1891[S] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m laughing but it’s so painfully true.

[–]RippoffOfLoveSStraight | Overuses quotation marks 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Bumble will show me trans women, non-binary, and trans men. What the fuck are the rules??

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

before a Chinese company had it's way.

What’s the story/timeline there?

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In January 2016, Kunlun Tech Co Ltd bought 60% of the company and they fully bought it out by January 2018. Before that, more options were being added to maximize user experience such as more filters you could use to find what you want (that were mostly free). After the acquisition, that's when things started to go downhill and they began to cave (the Kinder campaign, openly allowing women, features that allowed you to see who looked at your profile and other micromanaging/stalker shit, etc.). It was then sold back to the US in March of 2020 around the time that the stock market crashed due to lockdowns.

[–]jiljol 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The conflation and appropriation of terms used by different sects of same-sex attracted people (stone for lesbians, tops for gay men) fucking sends me.

That was the part that stood out to me. It's perfectly normal for young gay men to slowly and clumsily learn the ropes by being introduced to lingo and "etiquette", but here we can see a characteristic mixture of complete ignorance and grandiose confidence that is so illustrative of the fact that these women are mere interlopers - charlatans whose masks will slip from time to time revealing the phony behind. Like someone who fakes an accent to pretend like they are from another place, only to inevitably commit a blunder that leaves them exposed.

[–]SerpensInferna 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was going to say, as a lesbian I have only EVER heard "stone" in reference to lesbians. It is absolutely jarring to see this conflation from these morons.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 14 insightful - 9 fun14 insightful - 8 fun15 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Poor poor pitiful me, poor dickless meeeeeeeeeeeee. Apologies to Warren Zevon and Linda Ronstadt.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I wish like everyone I could just go on dates without having to worry if I'm going to be seen correctly.

We all go on dates hoping the other person ideally will perceive us how we want to be perceived: attractive, witty, successful, captivating, etc.

But most of us don’t want our dates to not be able to discern material reality or to lie to us. And if you go into this date knowingly withholding material facts and simultaneously wanting to be perceived as the type of human being that by definition has a particular type of equipment and then have your date not get disappointed/confused/put off when you reveal you lack said equipment but also not be someone who is specifically attracted to your mismatch of superficial presentation vs. actual body then yea, you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. This really is just catfishing with emotional investment.

Also, in what world is it safer for them to not be upfront about being trans/the opposite sex before going on a date? They fear being accurately perceived and desired as female. It’s not bodily harm they fear but hurt feelings. That has nothing to do with safety. They just know they’re stepping outside their bubble into the real world in which we all must deal with uncensored reality and other people’s feelings and needs, not just our own.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

And if you go into this date knowingly withholding material facts and simultaneously wanting to be perceived as the type of human being that by definition has a particular type of equipment…

100% this.

Story time. I’m currently taking a class at my synagogue for people who are officially looking to convert. It’s mostly people who’ve been practicing Judaism and want to take the next step. But there are some people who’s fiancée/spouse is Jewish and they want to learn more to have a more conducive interfaith marriage. And then there’s a lady we’ll call Diane. Diane is a devout Christian who's married to a Christian. Her great-grandfather (the father of her father’s father) was Jewish and converted to Christianity when he came to America. None of Diane’s other family members are Jewish. However, Diane wants to be recognized as Jewish. Despite having zero intention of practicing the religion and absolutely no matrilineal descent, she desperately wants to be recognized as a member of the group. (I have spent more time than is healthy trying to figure out why she so badly wants to be a member of a hated minority if she doesn’t actually want to be Jewish, but whatever.) Literally every class period, Diane gets upset because everyone (including the rabbi) reminds her that she isn’t Jewish and she should stop trying to sideline class discussion.

“Gay” trans people have Diane energy times a hundred. They weren’t born homosexual. They have zero interest in having a same-sex relationship. They just want to change how they define themselves and have the entire world affirm it without question. There’s no regard for how actual group members might feel about it. There’s no concern about how such behavior might impact outsiders’ opinions of the group. What’s more, instead of trying to identify into a religion (with subjectivity), they want everyone to deny biologic, material reality. And, if that’s how you want to live, you better get ready for a never-ending line of disappointment.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

They just want to change how they define themselves and have the entire world affirm it without question.

And ultimately the real problem is that they want to change how we define ourselves so that they can feel "included" and that all the material, consequential differences between us are erased and our own needs deriving from those material, differences get ignored to maintain the fragile illusion of sameness.

Literally every class period, Diane gets upset because everyone (including the rabbi) reminds her that she isn’t Jewish and she should stop trying to sideline class discussion.

I'm curious. What kinds of things is Diane doing to sideline discussion and in what way is she going about seeking to be affirmed as Jewish? How does that manifest in her behavior?

It does have similar energy and I would love to see studies on things like oppression fetishism and identity tourism that seem increasingly prevalent and relevant in western society right now. There are some obvious connections to narcissism, lack of stable identity, escapism, and avoidance. We all know 10 years ago girls weren't clamoring to be perceived as gay men (much less in 1989). This isn't happening outside places where there is at least the appearance of gay acceptance. Likewise, I doubt Diane would have felt a desire to be affirmed as Jewish in Europe in 1942. The way these FTMs talk about going on PrEP as a rite of passage skeeves me tf out. What is going on man? How has society's credulity been strained this far?

I'm at least relieved that the rabbi and class members are comfortable asserting boundaries. I can easily see someone applying woke logic and saying, "What's the harm? If Diane wants to be called Jewish, just be kind and call her Jewish, or at least don't tell her she's not." Is one non-Jewish person's quest to be seen as Jewish going to negatively impact anyone's lives in a material way? Probably not beyond being a local nuisance. But if there were a critical mass of Dianes trying to change the rules for everyone, you then get an existential crisis because then you have people with no skin in the game who are now licensed to talk on behalf of a group they are not actually part of and they have every motivation to obscure and devalue the needs of the actual group. Which is where LGB is now with the rest of the alphabet soup.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What is she getting out of the class if she doesn't even want to convert to Judaism?! Can y'all not kick her out, it's a bummer she's ruining the class for people who actually are trying to take their spirituality seriously.

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They just know they’re stepping outside their bubble into the real world in which we all must deal with uncensored reality and other people’s feelings and needs, not just our own.

Lol yeah, there's that comment saying "it's my business" to justify not saying it to potential sexual partners 🙃

[–]Datachost 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Do you ever feel like the odds are just against you

Gee, I wonder what might give you that impression

[–]upcomingDaddygay af 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

When every waking moment for you is a struggle against reality, saying the odds are against you is something of an understatement.

[–]JulienMayfair 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

if I'm going to be seen correctly

This is the phrase that stands out to me for the strange thinking it represents, the idea that there is one "correct" way to see you and that all other ways people might perceive you are "incorrect."

This is the thinking of a pathological narcissist desperately trying to prop up a fragile and unstable self-image and worried that she can't control the way others will perceive her.

[–]wendyokoopa1 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

There are like I said countless trans friendly apps and websites filled with trans and non trans alike who want to meet them. Sites where you don't have to "come out" about being trans you can openly state it in your profile. But no these freaks have to have the lgb I and s sites because they need validation or they'll threaten suicide. Like I remember when lex was for lesbian, bi and questioning women and was biological female friendly now you have to suck up to trans.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Which are the trans friendly dating apps/sites that are explicitly focused on trans dating? As in not the ones that force us into it by coercion and not being allowed to opt out?

[–]wendyokoopa1 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For starters transgender cupid, translate.com but like you guys have said they care more about abusing us then actively looking for places rather want them.

[–]justagaydude123 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Can’t they just ask people if they’re okay dating an FTM in the settings?

We tried that. You still cried transphobia.