LGB ErasureMy experience on LGBTQ+ Tumblr/Reddit as a lesbian teenager

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[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Let's face it: most of these online communities are dominated by spicy straights and fetishists and are not healthy spaces for LGB youth at all.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, but not only online, everywhere -or almost- that is creative too. All schools, expositions or art related stuffs are dominated by this ideology. The places where you're supposed to find open minded people have been poisoned.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All schools, expositions or art related stuffs are dominated by this ideology. The places where you're supposed to find open minded people have been poisoned.

Yup. A general desire to be accepting and openminded is not a substitute for critical thinking skills.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I was in my late teens when I started reading LGBTQ+ forums across a variety of social media platforms-- Tumblr and Reddit foremost among them. Over and over I saw the message: "If you don't like dick and wouldn't date a trans girl, you should be ashamed of yourself." And I was ashamed of myself. I felt bad and thought that there must be something wrong with me.

Until I learned that it's perfectly okay to not like dick and to not be attracted to biological males (i.e., men) at all.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This is so godawful. I'm so sorry this is what you've been having to become a woman around. The advent of the public Internet blossoming was great until the foolish and ignorant found it, which means similarly low-quality, uncritical thinking also blossomed.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for saying that. It means a lot. I have a hard time imagining what a different experience would be like. But I just saw your comment, and it blows my mind a little to imagine living in a world where there isn't, like, this stigma about saying the phrase "same sex attracted," for example.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I mean there was the usual old stigma from ignorant people, but it wasn't coming from inside the LGB(T) house then (though I have heard a few mentions from others that they had transsexual people around who were less-than-psychologically-healthy when it came to their attitudes toward others, but I never came across anything like that regarding the transsexual people I knew). We were just LGB. We didn't have things like marriage equality, but we didn't fear our own community, either, or liberal- / left- / progressive-leaning people for the most part, other than waiting for more of them to get on the bus and vote for us to endure less discrimination.

I hate that this is such a foreign idea to newer generations. When there started to be more Millennial and Gen Z women feeling safe to come out around 10-12 years ago, I felt a lot of hope, and wished we'd already come that far when I was your age, but it was our pushing that moved the needle for everyone who followed. I don't think most of us imagined that something this fucked-up and toxic would somehow attach itself and push us all backward.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My heart bleeds for the teens who are in these spaces today. The general attitude in these spaces is that being "cis" is a bad thing, which shames lots of kids into transitioning. Take a look at AreTheCisOK, egg_irl, and traaaaannns on Reddit if you want proof of this.

Also, the adults who run these spaces generally aren't LGB people and are incredibly toxic and predatory.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

But hey, if black ignores the LGBTQWTF-pawn altogether, she can take down that homophobic rook in two moves! Assuming that it's too stupid to get out of the way (and since when is "gay ppl EWW" associated with keen intellect?).

All kidding aside, though... that ANYONE (much less teenagers, for god's sake) should have to deal with this abusive bullshit horrifies me. Shaming them for being homosexual? For not being "trans"? What the fucking hell? How did we get here? With so-called progressives attacking gay KIDS... in the name of "gay rights"??? :(

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yupppp, that is pretty much where we're at. The part that kills me, too, is that it seems like I can't talk to anyone my age without getting the "tHaT nEvEr hApPeNs" treatment. I've tried talking to people IRL who self-identify as LGB... at least a couple of them actually are; the others might honestly just be straight and bought into gender identity beliefs, I have no idea. So many people around me believe that sexual orientation 1) changes over time 2) is a choice and 3) is entirely subjective. I feel like an alien next to these people lol, maybe they really are all LGB people who believe in trans doctrine but I honestly wonder. I just know that it feels like I have practically nothing in common with them. I'm just same sex attracted. That's it. And it's "hateful" to even say that about myself, according to them.

Sorry for ranting at you lol, I'm just so frustrated with this stuff. I'm about to go leave a comment on u/juo's rant post, I think she's in a similar boat as me. Feels like all the LGB people my age have either lost their minds, or are in hiding like me, and I have no idea where to find them. I'm not sure which is worse.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry for ranting at you lol

Feel free to rant all you like! I always enjoy hearing from you, Rellie :) Though I do wish that this stupid world (and the many stupid and/or toxic people in it) weren't causing you such needless pain. I hope that at least being able to rant about it helps. And that this trans-sickness will soon run its course, so you'll no longer have any need to!

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

For contrast—the only thing I had to deal with when I came out (as a lesbian—which morphed into recognizing that I am bisexual but with a very strong preference for women) in my early twenties, other than general homophobia, which was actually fairly low in my area because of how left-leaning it has been for decades, was the large number of still-acting-like-immature-teenager lesbians who were also out. I couldn't stand immaturity even as a kid so I found them largely unappealing and felt alienated from the idea of having a "community."

But nobody tried to tell me who I had to want to sleep with. Which I guess means I didn't encounter any of the "you haven't found the right man yet" male predators who now just call themselves women.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

was the large number of still-acting-like-immature-teenager lesbians who were also out. I couldn't stand immaturity even as a kid so I found them largely unappealing and felt alienated from the idea of having a "community."

Okay lol, I don't know if it's the same type of immaturity exactly but I've maybe had kind of a similar experience? There's this woman I know who says she is lesbian yet she's told me that she used to download the dating apps-- as an out lesbian young adult-- and go on dates with men "just for the validation," even though she wasn't attracted to them. Like, wtf. That screams emotional immaturity to me, or like there's some kind of issue going on there... (I recognize she might actually be bi, but I honestly don't know for sure and don't see the point of challenging her on it.)

Thanks for sharing your experience, it always fascinates me hearing about the generational differences.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That is definitely contrary to what the word "lesbian" means. I don't know if any of the ones I knew were into that sort of thing, though there were accusations of political lesbianism that flew around from time to time, I just had the sense that I was suddenly surrounded by teenage boys in women's bodies and it was very strange and very unappealing. It was like going back to junior high. Lots of posing and checking others out and sniping and backbiting and emotional impulsivity and meat-market-y vibes and just bleh. Everything I hated about adolescents and teenagers was right there for the taking avoiding in the local LGB community.

Perhaps it was something of a clue that I then was pursued by a woman twenty years older than me who I crossed paths with at the one lesbian bar in town (where I mostly found myself not harassed, which was nice; she was classy and said hello and left me her business card). That didn't work for reasons that aren't terribly interesting and which I don't remember, other than she was a bit too uptight for me to know how to relate to her. I suppose she was my first cougar—I took it as a compliment.

Otherwise, I did not spend much time in lesbian spaces because it was just not appealing. I'll be charitable and call them late bloomers, which was definitely to be expected under the circumstances. They seemed to be having the same second puberty that transsexual people have talked about experiencing.

[–]automoderatorHuman-Exclusionary Radical Overlord[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

RIP Snappy, I AM THE NEW GOD!

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