Gay MenConversation I had with my boyfriend that started after a NB tiktok he sent to me. Opinions?

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[–]julesburm1891 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Okay, obviously I’m some internet stranger who doesn’t know you or your boyfriend. (And, additionally, doesn’t speak Spanish.)

Going off these texts though, it seems pretty clear he doesn’t respect you. Saying you need to evolve, asking you to say your evenly-presented point “without crying”, and calling you various versions of bigot are, for lack of a better term, dick moves. That’s not how you talk to someone you love. It sounds like he just expects you to blindly follow his opinion without clearly presenting his side or calmly listening to yours.

No one is ever going to 100% agree with his or her partner. (My partner and I have disagreements on TQ+ and regular old politics all the time.) You have to be respectful and not let the issues drive a wedge in your relationship if you really love him or her. These texts showed you doing your best to agree to disagree and your boyfriend doing his best to belittle and antagonize you.

[–]ppja1995[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, that's a conversation I need to have with him. Because it can't be like that for having differing opinions every time.

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If he cares more about pleasing wokester idiots who he (probably) doesn't even know personally over a loved one, then I would argue it's time for you to break up with him.

It's for the better.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I came here to post exactly what you wrote here. OP's Boyfriend does not respect them.

[–]fuck_reddit 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yikes… why is he so insistent on telling you you need to “evolve.” He can’t even figure out what type of -phobic you are…

[–]ppja1995[S] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He was calling me homophobic, and after I told him that sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing (TRAs have said that before), then he wanted to call me transphobe, and I was like, whatever...

[–]MilkTea 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The tiktok video didn't even explain or prove anything.

I don't fit exclusively into being a man or a woman

Okay... What does being a man or woman mean? They never explain that part.

[–]ppja1995[S] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They reinforce the stereotype of gender roles by saying that they do not feel like men or women because they do not follow those roles. I would respect it way more if they say "I am not less of a man for watching romantic comedies", "I am not less of a woman for playing football"

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I've got a girl who I might be dating soon that's clearly a TRA and has a non-binary friend. She thankfully doesn't bring up trans or NB shit, but I'm worried about what I'll have to do when, not if, she brings up those topics. We've already had the JK Rowling conversation on our first date, and I said that while what she said might have been wrong (even though it was perfectly reasonable), she, like everyone else, is allowed to have her own opinion and if people don't like it, they can put their money where their mouth is and not buy her books or merch, rather than threaten her online; we quickly stopped talking about it and she hasn't brought it up since.

In regards to your boyfriend, you need to see if he agrees to disagree. If he continues to doggedly pursue this ideology, and force you to support it too, it might mean he doesn't care about your own thoughts and feelings, even though you clearly respect his right as a person to have his own. At no point in that conversation did you insist that he changes, and yet he kept implying you're a homophobe (even though that has nothing to do with NB) and a transphobe (which again by their own lack of logic shouldn't include NB either since they're not transpeople, they're not part of the gender binary, so to speak).

[–]ppja1995[S] 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, that is a conversation I have pending with him. Our dating pool is small enough already xD freaking TRAs making everything harder (And not the right way)

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The main thing you should ask in regards to JK is if the person you're asking has actually read the document. Whoever I've spoken to who was up in arms about it would admit they hadn't read it, but instead seen what others had said. I told them they can't base their argument on second hand information, as it should be up to them to decide whether what she said was wrong or right, not some person off of Twitter.

[–]Beryl 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Your boyfriend sounds like a really pleasant person with how he speaks to you like you're some sort of subhuman.

[–]ppja1995[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It was unpleasant, to say the least.

[–]Finnegan7921 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He swallowed the TRA bullshit hook, line and sinker. It is only a matter of time before he mentions that his b/f is a transphobe to someone in his life and they'll probably try to ruin your reputation for your reprehensible thoughtcrimes.

[–]blargus 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I only read the first few sentences. It seems like he's trying to pick a fight with you. Don't know what sort of dynamics you have but why would you want your partner to be doing that to you?

[–]Rag3 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He sounds like a dick who doesn’t respect you.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 7 fun7 insightful - 6 fun8 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

My opinion is spanish fights are hot as fuck

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sounds like he drunk the sjw kool aid. he considers you a wrongthinker, and he has to try to change you. in his mind your a transphobe, like the religious person is a homophobe and has no right to exist.

[–]ppja1995[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMR4JSQu1/

This is the tiktok he sent

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It is a jarring look this fellow has... I don't think they would be half bad if they just figured out that false lashes and chest hair... just doesn't really go that well together 😂 you do you though!!

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For the record my man doesn't need false lashes he has the most full beautiful lashes and pretty ass long hair so really, I don't mind a nontraditional man.

[–]JoeyJoeJoe 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That is no way to communicate. Pick up the GD phone!

[–]tu_jode_mucho 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Por curiosidad de donde eres? Yo ni sabia que gente afuera de US y Europa le importaban esta vaina de genero

[–]ppja1995[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

De Venezuela, resido en Argentina ahora. Aquí en Argentina la ideología de género ha calado bastante, y bueno, muchos LGBT latinos se comen el cuento de la ideología de género debido a que sabes que todo lo quieren imitar de los Estados Unidos.

[–]tu_jode_mucho 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow y era así en Venezuela también? Porque en RD esta ideología todavía no ha llegado y hay mucho hombres en vestidos pero nadie tiene problema a llamarlos le que son, inclusive ellos mismo. (Nunca ha visto o conocido una mujer que crees que eres hombre o nb). En Argentina gente más viejo de 30 y pico creen en "genero"? Yo me imagino que la ideología no sobreviviría en RD porque todavía es una cultura super macho, patriarcal y misógino. Es lo mismo en Argentina? Disculpame por todas las preguntas, ahora toy super curiosa como piensan la gente en otro países latino de esto.

[–]shveya 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe he's the one who needs to evolve. Gender woo is some gabachx shit.

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If he can send you videos (rather than formulating and explaining his own ideas) then you can too right? You could send him Mr Menno's vids, or an interview with Helen Joyce, or something?

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yuck. He's being manipulative and passive-aggressive, is playing power and mind games and is clearly immature.

I'm afraid my best feedback here is to consider that this is not the right person for you.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's impossible to "make" someone understand that they are wrong. And where his reasoning goes awry. People can think whatever they wish. You can berate them all you want, but the choice is up to them. As long as as it doesn't cross the line and interfere with another's rights. Which is where it often goes with the trans and things like pronouns.

[–]filbs111 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What I don't understand is how people these days decide to have such lengthy text conversations on mobile devices.