Do you think the queer and trans movement will drive lesbians - particularly young lesbians - into the arms of radical feminists?

votkriscan · 2021-05-13T22:37:33+00:00

R/gendercritical is not a radical feminist forum though. Most people were really there just to talk about the TQ issue because there aren't a lot of spaces to discuss it if you aren't a christian or religious. Christians, for example, have their own churches and groups to talk vividly about the matter. However, anywhere else in the general non-religious mainstream will likely get you cancelled.

Some women may also use the opportunity to talk about sexism issues that affect them, since the forum is also designed for it, but that is very different from being an actual radical feminist.

votkriscan · 2021-05-13T09:29:25+00:00

Not at all. Now if you are talking about feminist awareness in general, very likely so. The foundations on feminism about the human right to go to school, get work, own property, plan your life, not be the property, anatomy rights. We didn’t even have that just a short 100+ years ago.

Perhaps it might make people aware that these didn’t come easily and they can be taken away. And lesbians need them even more than straight women do. But if you are talking about radical feminism which is also a greater ideology, then no.

Not because it is wrong, but it’s more like, you can’t make someone believe in something that has no relation to how they lead their life. Lesbians who believe in it already have that relation. It also depends on what type of a lesbian you are.

I also notice that there is the huge mistaken assumption that only radfems and conservatives are disliking the impact of the TQ. And that is not true at all.

As an example, I’ve been spending some time amongst a few “savvy, straight women who believe in a more typical setup for men/women” (but not the full doormat type) women dating channels, and they pretty much dislike the impact of the TQ. As you can see, none of them has changed their minds and become radfems.

So it makes no sense why a lesbian would suddenly become a radfem because of the TQ. If she is, it is because she already feels radfem beliefs suit her way of life and/or have a positive impact.

I guess this is a roundabout way of saying that there isn’t really any correlation between the TQ and whether someone would strictly turn to radical feminism.

votkriscan · 2021-04-11T13:52:35+00:00

I’ve read some of your comments, and I think that you are conflating different things. There is a difference between matriarchal supremacy and woman human rights. Lesbians need those rights in order to have a normal life.

It has been less than 100 years that women could have the full extent of being able to go to school of all levels, get work of all levels (per what you qualify for), own property, participate in life, marriage freedom (families don’t have life ownership over their children), physical anatomy rights, fair law and order where violent crimes (Murder/sexual assault) against both men and women are illegal.

How do you propose lesbians are able to be lesbians without these? Gay men already have most of these rights.

And it’s incredulous that you claim lesbians are the only ones who want rights and that it’s a homosexual thing. You are telling me, straight women don’t want to go to college, make money and own property? Because straight women sure as heck are making use of these opportunities now. And you give lesbian feminists too much credit. Straight women were major participators in civil changes.

I believe true lesbians would want to work for a better gay and lesbian community with gay men.

It’s rather senseless to say that lesbians want to control straight/bi women. This indicates that sexual orientation could be changed and that is truly ridiculous. If it were up to me, what I would want is a lively community, but made up of authentic lesbian/genuine bi women, as that is the point, to have people on the same page as you and not different.

You are also probably talking about things from a male point of view. It is in the male nature to dominate, but not always the female. Attempting to enact this type of control is time-wasting exercise. I would by far find true fulfilment benefitting my own life.

Liberation also brings benefits to gay men as the only way to be able to live a life that you choose is if society believes in some degree of individual freedom for every man and woman. It does not work if a society is massively policed.

On the other point, I would say, the reason for a weaker lesbian community tends to be because of the conflict of the different types.

votkriscan · 2021-02-23T06:39:55+00:00

Glad things are sane on your end!

votkriscan · 2021-02-23T06:38:30+00:00

This made me think about something. I remembered a short while ago, I caught sight of a video on a PUA/Redpill channel where a lady who called in to one of those dating coaches, claimed that she used to like women, and now at a later age, wants to marry a man.

It's clear that there is some nonsense going on. For me, I'm quite happy being with a woman for the rest of my life and beyond. So, if these women are finding it so teeth-pulling to be with a woman, why are they even calling themselves a lesbian or even waste their own time dating one?

And if you are talking about practicality in the later years, it was never "a man" that is the solution but the youth.

votkriscan · 2021-02-23T05:44:14+00:00

Eh? I've never seen straight and bisexual women say they dislike sex with men. If you are talking about degrading and violent sex, then sure. There are enough straight/bisexual women who hate it. But I've not seen any who dislike vanilla sex or hetero sex that is done the way she likes it. Whereas I don't like any kind of sex with men at all. I also don't find the majority of men even "objectively attractive".

votkriscan · 2021-02-22T10:35:00+00:00

They are bisexuals. Bisexuals can have very-long term fluctuations of who they are attracted to. If they are dating men, they are not lesbians, no matter what kind of act they put on because they refuse to call themselves bisexuals. I've come across bisexuals who can put out oscar-winning performances on sounding like a politically-correct lesbian, but they never were lesbians to begin with.

If they are in their 30's and 40's and dating men, they are bisexuals who view it as their last ditch effort to marry a man and have that white-picket fence family that they dream of. Women in that age-group who are lesbians, who are mature, who got their shit together and desire a long-term relationship are already married to each other. The others have the option to have a child of their own if they just want to have family around for later. Only heterosexuals and bisexuals have the desire to attach themselves to a man no matter what.

I'm in my 30's and will never marry any dude whatsoever. And I don't need to. I've got my future planned out, regardless of whether a female partner is in the picture or not. I like having my own independent plans. I also dislike sex with men, and believe me, I tried to like it (I'm not a goldstar). But you see, this is the difference between lesbians and straight/bisexual women.

And your friends do not equal every lesbian on the planet, for I'm not seeing the same on my side.

votkriscan · 2021-02-21T15:21:20+00:00

I would honestly prefer to have a lesbian partner of the type I'm attracted to. Because we have the same mutual experiences, like being exclusively attracted to women where it is not something you can just opt out of. That said, there are of course bisexual women who are quite romantic. But whether they are willing to be in long-haul relationships with women is a different story, however.

votkriscan · 2021-02-21T07:44:41+00:00

I know you have your issues with radical feminists, but what you said isn't true. Because I have on my Goodreads friend list a few women who have very strong feminist opinions, and they aren't shy to voice them in the forums or write book reviews and add public notes to related books that they read. None of them are account banned off goodreads (even the one that was accused of being "man-hating").

I'll tell you the one thing that they did not do. And that is, they said nothing about trans or gender ideology. The reason for it is, they are heterosexual women who don't actually know anyone LGBT in real life, and this whole issue tends to be neither here nor there for most people not in the know and whom aren't personally affected yet.

votkriscan · 2021-02-15T03:56:17+00:00

Let me tell you something. Way back, before the trans business, the actual lesbians sub was filled with straight men on many good occasions who would write fanfiction about lesbians getting horny or having sex with men. Then when the trans crowd moved in, these people were moved out and the premise changed to girldick. People are obsessed with the idea that lesbians should sleep with men.

The idea of two attractive and successful lesbians being together and not attracted to men, sends shockwaves to the crowd. I would have found such jealousy amusing, had it not been for the severe repercussions that would cause lesbians. Like homophobia, conversion therapy and the deletion of spaces.

Reiterating a bit on what the above poster said, don't put too much stock into anonymous forums. You never know whether it's an actual woman, a troll (male or female) or a man pretending to be woman. If people have to put their real faces to these sort of posts, you will see a whole lot less of them.

votkriscan · 2021-02-09T06:02:15+00:00

but was filled with a ton of sad, lonely lesbians like here

I've seen a few similar comments from one or two other posters, and I'm kind of curious as to why do you think so? Because I've presumed it's mostly about the trans/gender ideology issue. After all, if it weren't for it, this sub wouldn't even be existing. Like I sense that people are feeling a sense of isolation from the huge colonization of everything involving lesbians, and it's less about "I don't think I will be able to find a girlfriend even if trans/gender ideology does not exist".

votkriscan · 2021-02-09T06:01:47+00:00

You are definitely right. I have no clue what it's like to date a MTF (a man identifying as a woman) either, precisely because I'm a lesbian. But before I go on, I need to re-state that it's not every straight woman who does this, but just a portion of them. I presume they were straight, because that's what some of the other lesbians were calling them, amongst other things. So, I was hazarding some guesses as to why, and benefit dating might just be one of the reasons. Unlike MTFs, some lesbians (in this case, butch lesbians), could treat their partners like queens. Thus, together with the fact that there are no consequences to being with a woman, such a thing could be possible despite not being attracted.

votkriscan · 2021-02-09T06:01:35+00:00

Oh for sure. But I must clarify that it's not every straight woman who is interested in butch women. It's just that the proportion is larger in comparison to the other two lesbian demographics.

votkriscan · 2021-02-07T09:44:12+00:00

Ironically, they are really not that sort. It's actually because it's clear that they are romantically and sexually attracted to men, that it's obvious they are not gay. As to why, many reasons, from a greater availability of people to date, curiosity, a desire for different treatment that what they are currently getting out of men..etc..

Dating a woman is also fairly consequence-free. No live penis near the vagina or anywhere else. No pregnancy. And leaving lesbian relationships (and gay ones for the matter) are way easier than leaving heterosexual ones.

votkriscan · 2021-02-05T21:45:30+00:00

That is a rather unique perspective. I've very rarely seen a butch4femme butch woman defend femme4femme like this. Over at my end, there are sometimes arguments between butch4femme and femme4femme lesbians. Even though I'm femme4femme, I've often thought that butch/butch lesbian women are far more natural and authentic in their romances and relationships than even femme/femme or butch/femme.

Where I'm at, the butch/femme demographic does have the largest number of straight/bisexual femme women(who exclusively date butch women). However, lesbian femmes(who exclusively date butch women) still exist and it's a good thing when both can find each other.

votkriscan · 2021-01-24T14:11:22+00:00

Isn’t that the way with non-gays? It’s always anything but genuine attraction. 😌

I think a lot of bi women can find a woman pretty or handsome (butch/tomboy). But they’ve never thought of being with one for real.

votkriscan · 2021-01-23T12:13:00+00:00

I would say that the needs and circumstances of lesbians/bis are different from straight people. For lesbians/bis, I feel that all you need is a lesbian/bi exclusive app/site that doesn't have any or many men and non-lesbian/genuine bi women on. If you can have it, then what you get will probably be mostly good. You don't need it to be premium. I'm using such an app myself (non-anglophone app) and things are decently alright. There will always be some men and flakes, but overall they are not that massive in numbers and are manageable.

Of course this depends on what you want. A "walled-off" premium might be useful, if perhaps, you are exclusively interested in lesbians with disposable income. But for me, that's not really my criteria. At the same time, this can be a good method to ward off men and non-lesbian/genuine bi women, seeing as how high the proliferation rate of all that stuff is (in countries affected). But it's exactly because of how ingrained now that these things are, that I question if a premium account will still be all that effective.

For straight people, a lot of men use dating apps to score free or cheaper sex (but all the while lying and pretending not to do so). So a premium section is good to seek out people interested in more serious dating. But women don't really work the same way. Women don't have manhood, and thus women are usually not interested in sleeping with tons of people just for the sake of feeling "manhood". So in a lesbian/genuine bi environment, things won't happen like that, and thus there is not much need for paywalls.

votkriscan · 2021-01-05T06:39:34+00:00

Not on topic, but I wouldn’t mind something like that (a general weekly thread) for the lesbian sub as well. However, I feel that an optional general weekly with encouragement to post reddit/twitter screencaps would probably be better.

votkriscan · 2021-01-04T15:15:53+00:00

Interestingly, in some places, people don't always automatically assume that just because two women are in a relationship, that they are lesbians. There are slang terms where people refer to themselves by dating types. Like, for example, femme/butch women in a relationship have a slang for themselves, and femme/femme women have a different slang for theirs.

But in English, Sapphic or wlw would work better to describe relationships involving both a lesbian and a bi woman. However, at this point, everything will likely just be hijacked.

votkriscan · 2021-01-04T00:53:04+00:00

I would have found the trans capacity to hone on to every lesbian sub on the planet amazing, were it not for the repercussions it has to lesbians and gays.

votkriscan · 2021-01-04T00:07:08+00:00

These are men writing fanfiction. Any woman who fantasise about any sexual involvement with men is not even a lesbian in the first place.

There is a clear obsession about lesbians because lesbians are considered challenging, since they won’t sleep with men.

votkriscan · 2021-01-03T23:44:42+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with liking older women though! I remember having the same feelings over someone. She is kind of femme-ish, and although she probably doesn’t photograph very well, she has a very attractively feminine personality, with a good sense of style and a smashing career as a doctor. Who wouldn’t want that?

Since you didn’t mention how old you are, women who do maintain themselves well, also maintain their physical attractiveness for longer periods of time, so it’s normal to find her pretty because she actually is still really gorgeous.

Anyways, good luck in your relationship aspirations. There is still the option to be good friends, even if it doesn’t work out. :)

votkriscan · 2021-01-03T05:31:35+00:00

If you are talking about minors, that would be creepy for me, being someone who is much older. Not to mention, illegal. But if she were 21 and above, which is a legal adult, then that would be fine. Where I'm at, women at that age know their business, if they are specifically inside the lesbian/bi women's dating community. Although, I would be hesitant at seeking a long-term relationship from someone in that age group, as this is generally not on their minds, due to the differing societal circumstances surrounding heterosexual relationships versus lesbian ones.

I think you should try to find this out from her though, since how she feels is what matters. There are ways to talk about it without revealing your own feelings.

votkriscan · 2021-01-01T19:07:25+00:00

Happy New Year to you guys and gals too! May everyone’s ambitions and dreams come true, and that it will be a good year or at least, a better year all round.

votkriscan · 2021-01-01T11:05:13+00:00

Look hey, I'm just talking about what I find to be an observable belief, that's all. There are many who don't wish for LGB people to exist and I'm going to take that into account. But more to the point, what you wrote, at least from how I interpreted it, seems to insinuate that lesbians are getting into LDRs due to being 3-5% of the population.

Except, there is also another group that is roughly 3-5%. The so-called extremely wealthy, and they are not getting into LDRs. In fact, straight/bi women in that strata marry rather strictly within cultural, country, location and ethnicity lines. So, this doesn't explain any kind of LDR phenomenon between lesbians. Hence, together with my belief, is the reasoning that it's largely due to the number of lesbians not being equally distributed and far less about the smaller population ratio.

Lastly, I don't even know why you are taking this personally. I was just simply stating my opinion. It was never intended to be of a personal nature.

votkriscan · 2021-01-01T08:17:00+00:00

The population is closer towards 10%, which still makes it a very small population (1/10). The key is that lesbians are a segregated bunch. There is this assumption that lesbians must be equally distributed in every region, city and country. This is not the case. There are some areas where there are a large amount of lesbians, and at others, they do not particularly exist, or the dating demographic you are interested in does not. For anyone who have the misfortune to live in no-lesbian land, then they will have to branch out much harder or make the decision to re-locate.

votkriscan · 2020-12-29T23:58:30+00:00

So the only LGBTQ subs that are allowed on reddit are TQ and if any LGB sets up a sub, they must turn it into a TQ worship sub or they will get banned? Total shitty. Or is it based on numbers? The gay male subs are still safe, are they not? And from the title, it sounds like "RightwingLGBT" is inclusive of the T, or are they actually against TQ ideology?

votkriscan · 2020-12-29T14:19:41+00:00

Mostly personal goals, but they don't involve extensive traveling so Covid won't really get in the way. But one thing that I'd want to do, would be to learn to make more desserts, which is something I'm interested in, but never quite gotten around to doing. Another would be, for lack of a better word, to put in a more decorative style to certain cooking recipes that will look really nice on events like special occasions.

votkriscan · 2020-12-29T03:56:30+00:00

This is definitely something I've considered, which is why I'm not going to drop my agent just yet. But I'm thinking about running a crowdfunding campaign which, if successful, will cover the cost of editing, cover art, typesetting, etc. while drawing in potential readers at the same time.

This is certainly quite a smart thing to do.

It's more along the lines of historical fantasy that just happens to have a lesbian MC and romance subplot.

That actually does sound pretty interesting. There aren't that many fantasy or historical fantasy novels starring lesbians, due to it probably taking more effort to pen.

votkriscan · 2020-12-28T15:29:30+00:00

That being said, I have written a novel that currently enjoys agent representation, but I am considering self-publishing instead because I’m afraid that any big publisher will market my book as a “queer novel” instead of a lesbian novel. Plus, I have already seen a few lesbian writers dropped from their publishers for criticizing the trans movement. I would rather not have to muzzle myself in order to work as a writer. It kind of defeats the purpose.

I was wondering, if you are publishing something along the lines of lesbian romance fiction, have you considered going with the traditional lesbian publishers like bold strokes or bella books? If it matters, they will categorize your work under "lesbian fiction" and not "queer fiction". Both of them just act LGBTQ friendly to prevent their businesses from being harassed to death over the matter. But of course, if this is not what your work is about, then feel free to discard what I said.

Although one thing is that, actual publishers who have been in this business for awhile (different from vanity publishers), irregardless if they are big or small, do have a ready following that they can market to, plus they will usually pay advances. Might be something to consider if profits are a concern.

votkriscan · 2020-12-26T14:55:05+00:00

I would also echo that these things might not actually be about you. One funny thing about us women is that when we want to, we can be very expressive about how we feel. But at other times, we'd quietly do all our thinking and come to a conclusion based on our life circumstances, when we should be talking it over with someone whom these things will directly affect, like a romantic partner. So, this could be something like that. It could also be based on you and her not being compatible.

And this isn't the fault of either you or her. Sometimes we just won't be a match for certain people. This has nothing to do with there being anything wrong with you or me. It's because we are all different. At the same time, this matter could just be one big misunderstanding. And after it's sorted out, you'd be right with her again. Do note that even though you may care about her deeply, she isn't the only woman around. There are still many more lesbians/bi women that you can date. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one.

votkriscan · 2020-12-24T15:27:45+00:00

Haha, yeah. Scholastic focus is pretty important, so it's perfectly fine spending your teen years nerding out. It is not seen as awkward, but diligent, especially if you do well. Thus, around your late 20's you'd be asked to date and marry. However, by then, if you do well enough, you'd have your own career and life and can be a platinum star all you want throughout.

votkriscan · 2020-12-24T10:21:46+00:00

Furthermore, a lot of Chinese wanted to be virgins until marriage.

This is completely untrue for the heterosexual generation of people in the full 20's range and also 30's. Even lesbians are not virginal either. They just lose their V-card to a woman instead of a man.

votkriscan · 2020-12-22T10:01:20+00:00

Part 2

6. How do you feel about the Trans Right Activist? Narcissistic, invasive and crazy. They don't seem to be about rights, but wanting to change everything to suit their wishes. And women are their targets for vitriol.

6a.) Thoughts on "transbians"? Not sure what to think. If they create names for themselves, it's fine actually. It's editing other people's names and things that I'm against.

7. What type of discrimination do you deal with? (Online, real life, daily, etc) Over where I am there is more mainstream discrimination against LGBT folks. However, society is modern enough that it doesn't actually effect the active freedom of LGB to lead their lives. In fact, in a backwards way, this discrimination is protecting lesbians from TQ attacks. Because over here, it's not "Terf" feminists who are loud against the TQ. It's mainstream society, conservatives and the religious. And they are equally discriminative against all the letters.

Unlike in the current hijacked anglophone state, where being abnormal is normal, and the people who are normal are considered abnormal, it isn't that way here. So, as such TQ can't come up with fake "Terf" arguments against them. This blockage cuts off their influence and also neuters them. TQ can't survive if society doesn't agree to alter reality. Whereas lesbians don't need reality to be altered, we just need to be left alone in peace. And so in peace we date and have our own stuff. 😃

8. What are your thoughts on the following terms: 'Queer', 'Dyke', 'Lesbo', 'Homosexual', "Gay", "Lesbian", "Same-sex attracted", and "TERF". "TERF" and Lesbo are slurs and should be called out on it's usage. "Queer" and Dyke are neutral areas. Dyke is an i -joke for lesbians, but often used as a slur by homophobic straight people. “Queer” is a supposed reclaimed term for homosexuals, but now, it’s used by counter-culture alternative folks, so I have no interest in using that term as it doesn’t represent lesbians. The others are normal terms for lesbians and gays, so it's no issue at all. Over where I am, we have our own lesbian slangs, so that is more commonly used than scientific terms.

9. What are your thoughts on the Lipstick lesbian & Labrys Flag? Not much thoughts. People are free to create flag designs, I guess.

10. What is one of the MOST annoying myth stereotypes about lesbians that you hate? That women can never truly love each other or be attracted to each other. The thought itself has no logic. If men are all complete character princes on white horses, perhaps I could see it as there is a relationship benefit gain. The reality is the complete opposite however.

10a) Is there a lesbian stereotype that you like or follow?(ex. Wearing plaid, short hair, etc) There isn't any for me.

votkriscan · 2020-12-22T09:56:54+00:00

Hey! I'd love to participate if it's still not too late to do so. This really does look like an interesting questionnaire. 😃

(Part 1)

1. What are your thoughts on terms like butch, stem/futch, and femme? I do appreciate these terms to describe the various lesbian types and I feel they are somewhat needed as well. Over where I am, the dating community is roughly divided into Butch/Femme, Femme/Femme and Butch/Butch. Each has it's own tastes, outlook of women and expectations. So, it's important to have some understanding and not assume everyone is universal. Even bisexual women within the women's dating community also sometimes sort themselves following these ranges. For example, stricter Femme/Femme bisexuals tend to align along with lesbian Femme/Femme ideology. That said, it's not compulsory for lesbians to put themselves into any one category. Some lesbians don't feel they fit in either and that's fine.

1a) Do you use these terms? (If so, how would you describe yourself?) Yes, I do. I identify as a Femme lesbian, and am part of the Femme/Femme dating demographic.

1b) Can other groups(such as the G,B, and T) use these terms? It'd be really strange for gay and bi men to use these terms, irregardless if they are normal gay/bi men or a part of those who desire to transition. It'd also cause a lot of confusion as people would have to differentiate whether you are talking about a man or a woman. Thankfully, gay/bi men seem to have no desire for such things and they have their own gay male terms.

I have no opposition to bisexual women who are active within the lesbian/bi woman's dating community using these terms. This is because bisexual simply stands for your orientation and has nothing to do with what type you are. You can be Femme or Butch in appearance and you can like either, and women will be attracted or dis-attracted to you, plus relationships can be different, based on that. However, bisexual women who have left the women's dating community and are monogamous with men should not be using these terms, as they are for special dating dynamics between women only.

Straight trans have no business using any of these terms, as these are special dating dynamics for women only. This is due to the different natures and socialization of women in comparison to men. Straight men have their own outlook which can never be changed, and heterosexual pairings have their preferred dynamics and attraction which is not always the same as the lesbian one.

Do you have a "gaydar" to where you can normally tell someone else is a lesbian? Gaydar is not particularly relevant for me as I'm more highly attracted to conventionally attractive women, and they aren't any different from straight women if they are not in a setting where they could freely be out. That said, some chapstick types can be a bit pingeable as gay.

Are you a feminist? Yes.

If yes, what type?[Ex radical feminist, intersectional, choice(?) feminist] I would say that I'm the type which supports women human rights. To be treated like a human. To be able to go to school, get a job, own property, have her own hobbies and life, be treated fairly at the workplace. Families should not be allowed to have property rights over their daughters where they can sell them into marriage. Women should have full autonomy rights over their body and have the right to vote. There should be protection/defense against sexual assault.

One thing that differentiates between real and false over these matters is that real feminists are aware that society never wanted women to have these things. It's a partial stroke of luck that it happened due to world events and so the clock might be in danger of being wound back. It has been a mere 100 years or less since women in modern societies have the full range of these rights, and already there is backlash. From growing misogyny, to the redpill to the insidious trans and gender agenda, it's a clear attack. I do also agree with some of the radfem views that patriarchy will probably never see women as human beings.

What are some important issues that should be tackled/discussed in lesbian circles? I think lesbians should definitely put the most onus into building our own communities and not rely on mainstream/straight people to do any of that. There are some lesbians with very odd perceptions when it comes to community. There is this assumption that a community is a hive-mind where you only join if you are ever the same, or that community is strictly about marshaling a cause. But that isn't what community is. It's simply about finding kinship whenever you wish to with people who you can connect with.

Sexual orientation is unique. You see, if someone isn't of the same orientation as you, they will never truly understand, care, or get it, in the way another woman(for lesbians) who is like-minded and of the same orientation as you would. It's simply about connection and that actually gives strength. Also, lesbian communities don't have to be homogeneous groups. There can be multiple differing lesbian groups under one umbrella. Like, the dating community over where I am has Butch/Femme, Femme/Femme and Butch/Butch. Each are their own thing, and provides representation to different types of lesbians. Attractive and varying lesbian/bi couples are quite the inspiration and also make many lesbians feel at home.

I also think that some lesbians can be a bit stubborn when it comes to dating, often erroneously blaming a "small lesbian dating population" for their woes. I do believe the lesbian population is 10% and not 2%. Every-time I come across a fellow lesbian woman who isn't very successful at dating, despite really wanting a relationship, 9 out of 10 is because they themselves are not putting in effort or not putting in the right effort. Since our pool is smaller, and it's women whom you are dating, it's also means you need to take more initiative than what a straight woman has to do. Every lesbian who has done all the above and desires a relationship, I've seen them be completely successful in finding one with a bit of patience. But some lesbians can just be too stubborn to heed good advice. I think the line of thought that lesbians shouldn't have to follow mainstream dating logic "just because we are lesbians" kind of hurts more than it helps.

Do you feel as though you are a part of the LGBTQIA+ as the L? (Please explain) I do generally feel like a part of LGB. I don't have much interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ as they are against lesbians.

5a) As the L, do you feel supported by the other letters? Perhaps casually, as there is some mutual interest.

5b) What is a good way to support the L? Mutual respect mostly. Not being invasive in the lesbian/bi communities. And general freedom for lesbians. The first 50% of it really comes from the ability to have women's human rights (as I wrote above). The other 50% is where being lesbian or gay is not a criminal penalty and the freedom to create lesbian/bi content/entertainment content. That's about it. No one needs to purposely turn into lesbians or pretend there is no such thing as gender to suit us!

5c) Thoughts on "Leave out the L"? Neutral and good (if it's distancing from the malicious TQ). In the first place, we should be building our own community (as I wrote above). Gay male communities are not the same as they are men and we are not dating each other. So, it shouldn't matter if we are left in or out, as we should already be having our own lesbian community.

votkriscan · 2020-12-17T02:56:43+00:00

Haha, I like this. That said, this is a little strange. I do remember reading from game guides and reports, that for the lesbian and gay romances, all you need is a female V body and voice (for lesbian) and male body and voice (for the gay romance). The parts can be any. And for the straight romances, you just need the correct body type, that's it. Perhaps they are using the wrong voice and that's why? Or actually outright picking the wrong dialogue options and blaming it on "transphobia".

The game itself is kind of pro-trans. They even have a trans flag on one of the cars that you use. Even Bioware never had any LGBT symbols in their games.

votkriscan · 2020-12-17T02:38:09+00:00

If people do enjoy the sub, then I think it's great for them. It's a definite that any reddit sub will grow as most people are on reddit after all. Personally, I don't have much interest in participating in a sub that allows even one shred of TQ ideology. If you don't put your foot down, you risk becoming a doormat. With anything to do with the TQ, if you give one inch, they will take a mile.

votkriscan · 2020-12-12T23:57:57+00:00

I've once encountered a slightly similar situation as you! I was in the process of getting to know lesbian/bi women in general from a crowd which leans older. And I've had a few tell me, "Are you aware that there is a 10 year age-gap between us?" But I'm in my early 30's not 16! They are in various stages of 40's.

I have some thoughts about this. For example, even though women in their 20's are attractive, I can understand why women in the 30's age range may not wish to be seriously involved in a long-term relationship with them. The first part is because that is the age where you explore life, enjoy it and figure yourself out. The next, and probably more important one, is that they have time to waste. Anything they don't want, they can start over, no biggie. But let's take a woman who is 49. How many times you want to start over? You'd be 60 by then.

However, as you mentioned, when it comes to 30s,40s,50s, the gap does get narrower, so it's exasperating for sure. So perhaps that is the angle? How serious are you when it comes to a relationship with her? Like do you just hope to generally be in a relationship till it wears it's course, or can you see yourself still wanting to be with her when you reach her age (longer-term view)? Maybe you can sound out the matter on that part.

votkriscan · 2020-12-11T18:04:38+00:00

As MezozoicGay pointed out, that "demographics survey" is fake cosplay stats. It's a poll asking their users what gender they are. If I'm someone who believes in self-identification, I can claim anything. I can claim to be a lost descendant of Cleopatra.

However, the official Reddit algorithms and pulled data don't lie and they show a completely different story.

https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/actuallesbians

Nearly 60% of the population are trans. Next 30%+ are bisexual women. The rest lesbians or other. And this makes sense. The trans want to imagine themselves as biological women, don't they? If not they wouldn't be doing this. They wouldn't be transgender.

votkriscan · 2020-12-09T13:59:24+00:00

Just want to put it out there first, CDPR did say that there will be lesbian and gay romance options in the game. They were never against the idea of same-sex romance options.

Now about the Trans matter, this is a bit interesting. Sometime ago, I used to frequent a forum where a particular trans poster would often participate and tend to earn the ire of the posters there by making rather inflammatory posts. I noticed that he rather disliked CDPR and after some more news about the game surfaced, started accusing Cyberpunk 2077 of being prejudiced. I soon realized what the reason was. Apparently the fact that you can even have gentials for your character is the key source of this unhappiness. It seems a bit strange as they tend to be all about "girl-dick" when it comes to "lesbian" stuff. My guess is that they don't want to see the male character have a penis or a vagina. Something about it sets them off.

And this thing here is notable. While Poland is a conservative country, CDPR itself has been aiming to have a more liberal stance for sometime now.

https://www.gamespot.com/articles/cyberpunk-2077-dev-speaks-about-the-importance-of-/1100-6479510/

Because of this, I'm rather disliking both the "right" and "left" types of perception. In Cyberpunk 2077, the game allows you to choose pronouns which is gender ideology. There will also be transgenders in the game. So, I'm not understanding why are they disliking Cyberpunk so much. I also dislike the right-wing types calling CDPR the last bastion of gaming and bashing every other game development company for putting in "wimmin" and "lesbian/gay" options, while pretending CDPR did not do just the very same thing and more as I linked above.

Edit: I've taken a look at more romance impressions from recently released articles. There will be lesbian/bi female romance options and they aren't trans. Everyone can have one-night stands with anyone of any gender (male/female). Other full romances includes everyone else, Gay male, straight male/female.

votkriscan · 2020-12-08T01:59:28+00:00

It's not a real biological lesbians subreddit. They are actually pro-trans. The real one has been banned sometime ago. Have you tried Ovarit? It's a full feminist discussion forum and not particularly lesbian centered (unless you are posting in the actual lesbian sub). For straight women reddit subs, I think FDS (/r female dating strategy) is one of the few places on reddit where you can talk about things from a more feminist, non-pro-trans and straight woman point of view.

votkriscan · 2020-12-08T01:49:38+00:00

Is this happening a lot in entertainment recently? I've got to admit to being a bit out the loop. 😃

Well, as the others have wonderful articulated, it's certainly mostly a straight/bi woman positioning thing to appeal to straight men. Most lesbians favor a normally classy or directly sexy approach which rings woman and not child.

votkriscan · 2020-12-08T00:07:34+00:00

It's awful seeing this happen to Anglophone countries. In the past, these places were looked upon as bastions for many lesbians and gays to look up to. Now, most are probably hoping the TQ matter does not spread. Now, luckily, this isn't everywhere. The lesbian/bi demographic here is divided into butch/femme, femme/femme and butch/butch. Femme/femmes are rather proud femmes where some feel that femme/femme women and relationships is the most ideal. Now of course, whether you are femme or butch, you are ideal and perfect as you are.

The point is no one wants to be some funny genders, non-binary or someone who isn't a man or a woman. Everyone just wants to be pure femme/femme women! I also wonder if this could be more due to "pop culture" influence? Where I am, there isn't TQ, but there are other kinds of pop culture/popular of the day stuff that gets replicated in the lesbian/bi community especially amongst women in their 20's/early 20's. Currently, the "popular of the day" stuff for anglophone countries is gender identity. So perhaps, that's why there's a lot of this now. Which means the good news is that it's more of a trend and not that femme lesbians believe in it for real. I too hope that some day sooner, this will blow over.

votkriscan · 2020-12-06T06:23:15+00:00

Is it Lesbians whom you are concerned about?

Because in the west, the current issue is a growing number of straight women who wish to transit to become men. It's not quite strictly just on lesbians per se. Because, to be honest, right from the beginning, there has always been a certain percentage of lesbian women and gay men who suffer from dysphoria and thus transit to become the opposite sex. It is not a new issue. Just that, of late, it has simply become more public and vocal.

If you are talking about East Asia, there isn't really any such thing here as straight women wanting to become men. Mostly, there majorly exists a growing number of straight men wanting to be women (autogynephilia), and the rest are gay men and lesbians. The fetishists are indeed pushing for LGBT organizations to become a lot more pro-trans. The mainstream isn't really budging on it, so there is not as much invasion in the lesbian community. Although that day may eventually arrive.

Lesbians turning to transition is a concern. It would definitely be good to see what can be done about it.

votkriscan · 2020-10-17T07:16:29+00:00

Fun post!

The closest for me would be #1.Lipstick lesbian and #2.Lipstick lesbian. But this is just approximate, as I need the right character personality to be fully into her. I also do find variances of Chapstick lesbian attractive.

I find #8(Hasbian) and #9(LUG) to be a waste of space that could be used to fit other real lesbian types for fun.

Curious to see what everyone would like. 😃

votkriscan · 2020-10-17T01:55:05+00:00

Nah. I understand that Reddit is no longer the place for such conversations, but I will not participate in the censorship of what is a ridiculous situation in the first place. I wonder if people understand what we are dealing with? We are not talking about transgenders like Dr Debbie who's transgender orientation comes from the healthiest place possible. We are talking about the majority who suffer from severe mental illness and outright sexual criminal paraphernalia. Which is why they are largely violent, insane and most of them are also highly misogynistic people. In society, we don't encourage drug addicts and gambling addicts. We don't tolerate rapists and pedos. We don't humor people suffering from schizophrenia and dementia. It's also no longer the 1800s and we don't accept anymore marching orders from men/patriarchy on how to run our lives. Why is anyone even humoring this is beyond me.

votkriscan · 2020-10-16T01:35:34+00:00

I once read about a guy who almost wanted to be trans but stopped, was saying it's something like sexuality shooting the other way instead of shooting "straight". What do you think about it?

votkriscan · 2020-10-12T03:57:22+00:00

I do like it on here as well as the original community on Truelesbians. However, you actually came back at a time where for some reason it's been a bit quieter lately. I guess it's somewhat inevitable, as people like fast-moving discussion sites more than slower ones.

votkriscan · 2020-10-10T15:24:26+00:00

This is ridiculous. Literally a new form of terrorism.

votkriscan · 2020-10-02T14:31:20+00:00

Oh my gosh, this is hilarious and hit the funny in the right spots. I guess we lesbians bring out the u-haul and settled cliche alive, huh? 😂

votkriscan · 2020-09-23T14:01:12+00:00

Again it's due to the gender/idenity/trans issue. Even lesbians aren't absolved of any cultural plaques that might hit them. In fact, sometimes, they might be more vulnerable towards them. There is also a counter-culture thing going on in anglophone countries, where it's considered partially cool (in related circles) to be against the flow.

votkriscan · 2020-09-23T13:46:44+00:00

I would say it's mostly anglophone countries steeped in LGBTQ stuff. Outside of that, very femme-presenting lesbians will either not care to call themselves such terms or they are extremely proud of being a woman.

votkriscan · 2020-09-18T18:25:57+00:00

I'm surprised that she managed to discover a lesbian. I thought everyone has disappeared into the queer black-hole, and bisexuals seem to tend to prefer the queers better, instead of them "nastily exclusive" lesbians who are not into penis. 😅

But more seriously, a good enough share of lesbians don't actually dislike bisexual women. Just that some have been burnt, and others may not want to take the extra effort of deciphering whether they will stick around in a relationship. There also is the matter of fact that some bisexuals seem to lean more towards straight, and are way too different from lesbians who are seeking common experiences.

votkriscan · 2020-09-18T17:49:39+00:00

I was thinking, perhaps you could have your relationship revert to a fwb one instead? Where there are no expectations, and the both of you can take things step by step. On your end, you can see if it's a matter of getting sleeping around out of your system, or whether what you really feel, is that you are not particularly ready to settle down into commitment at this point.

And for her, she can see if she's alright with this, without needing to commit into a relationship where both parties aren't equally committing.

votkriscan · 2020-09-18T13:01:00+00:00

I would say that this is a bit of a red flag. Even if she wasn't openly bisexual, the picture of the male ex there is an alert. If she doesn't want any "relationship exposure", she should have taken the picture of the ex down. Now, this could also take on a different meaning, and that is, she's serious about women, but just isn't as into you as much as you are in love with her, which is not a good sign either. But you know what? If you aren't exactly thinking of genuinely marrying her at this point, perhaps you can just enjoy the love that both of you have, and look at the bright side. Perhaps it's a misunderstanding and it will turn out alright.

This is a bit off-tangent, but when it comes to bisexual women, I've got several inklings as to how much (or not) they can be into women over the longer-term. It's very important to note that sexual orientation awareness doesn't always fully cut it. There are bisexual women with a common sense view of sexual orientation or a romantic view of women, but they will not necessarily stay in a lesbian relationship. So, these are my thoughts about this matter, if you will.

Society success/tradition -Aside from money, the next thing human beings crave quite a bit is societal success. And one of the most easily attainable, at least on a technical level is heterosexual marriage. The whole settled house, marriage, kids, along with mainstream approval/praise and full societal support. It's why a lot of bisexual women and men end up with opposite sex partners. Gay marriage does not apply. You are still outside society no matter how great your partner is. Then there is the fact that some women do want kids and to raise them as a family with their spouse. So, if a bisexual women banks a lot on such society success, it's more likely that she won't stick around in a lesbian relationship.
Relationships with women -More serious bisexual women have actual thoughts about being with a woman. Not just surface-level stuff, like "being attracted to a woman is no different to a man" etc.. Just like lesbians think about what type of women they love, the kind of partner they wish to have, what kind of life they desire if they are in a long-term relationship. Genuine bisexual women who are interested in women over the longer haul, usually will have deeper in-depth thoughts about women. Like, there should be more details on what she can say, and not just platitudes or statements.
The bisexual umbrella -Bisexuality is a rather large umbrella. It consists of women who are more attracted to men, middle-of-the-line-bisexuals, women who are more attracted to women. Naturally, women who are more attracted to women will be more likely to stick around. Middle-of-the-line-bisexuals are trickier, hence points 1 and 2 to check her out. Lately in this climate, I think some sexually adventurous straight women are calling themselves bisexual while some other types of bisexuals are calling themselves queer or lesbian.

votkriscan · 2020-09-15T07:20:20+00:00

Certainly not. Goldstar is an admirable trajectory. All lesbian women should be able to safely come to the conclusion that they are lesbians before being pushed into (largely) heterosexual dating. Of course, a lesbian who has gone through more to figure out who she is, isn't any less of a lesbian either. Lesbian is basically a woman who has come to the conclusion that they are exclusively attracted to women and thus have no desire to be involved with a man for the rest of her life henceforth. Anyone who still wants men romantically at some point in their lives, is not a lesbian.

Homophobia is always head-shaking. But I see the bigger issue is the mass-altering of the narrative (pretending queer/identity(including acceptance of girldick) are default orientations if you aren't straight. This hurts lesbians. A lot of queer are straight people who don't fit into the mainstream, straight people who want to appear sexually adventurous plus milder and usually more homophobic bisexuals. The type of bisexual woman who genuinely date women tend to have no problem with the lesbian identity because it's actually to their benefit.). On top of that, the invasion of lesbian spaces. Men are always disgustingly obsessed with their penis. They have 90% of the female population, but they are still intent on 10% or less of the female population not wanting their parts? It's quite incredulous. Imagine if lesbians are this obsessed about the matter.

votkriscan · 2020-09-13T11:57:11+00:00

While this is an awkward situation, this matter shouldn't be judged on you being a lesbian. Since we live in a patriarchal world, there is something awful that happens a lot of the time, which is, women being sexually assaulted by men. However, how many of the straight women who were sexually assaulted cut off all men out of their lives, even platonic and family relationships? Very rarely. They might not date men for awhile or even for a long time, but they completely keep other men that have nothing to do with dating and which they feel they could trust in their lives. And gasp! Some will even tell you that their sexual assault doesn't represent the entirety of all men (#notallmen).

So if your friend is #alllesbians, there is certainly a double-standard going on here. That said, everyone has a right to not be in a human relationship with someone, so there is nothing much you can do if she rejects you but to gracefully accept it. If her friendship is that important to you, you can stay closeted about your orientation.

But don't fret over it. You are just trying to be a genuinely supportive friend who wants to be there.

votkriscan · 2020-09-11T10:37:31+00:00

The Revolutionary Girl Utena Movie is pretty great! It's gorgeously designed, has a high dosage of Yuri/Lesbian content and it's compact to watch as well. I do recommend it! I find it harder to get into the TV series. Too many insufferable characters and the points aren't made that much better, although it offers a better expansion of the storyline. But if you do enjoy it, I would encourage you to continue watching.

This makes me think of another recommendation too! If anyone is interested in retro shows with leading strong female characters and a major focus on them, I would recommend "Bubblegum Crisis" the eight-episode OVA. This show (amongst others) is much closer to how action-type live-action series are done in those years, except it's more female-focused and has Yuri/lesbian content (but much less than Utena the movie). The series is concentrated on the plot and character development of the female characters. It is unlike the usual, where women spend half their time crying over men or their actions revolve around the male character's development.

On top of it, the show has a whopping soundtrack as well, if you do enjoy some retro pop, that is.

votkriscan · 2020-09-05T19:54:04+00:00

If you ask me, I maintain that it's definitely 10%! 😃

It's also important to note that 10% of the female population is still a very small population of lesbians. I'm always weirded out when people act like 10% equals to 50% of the female population. 10% of lesbians is not going to result in streets and sidewalks filled with lesbians. And 10% of lesbians is not going to result in screens and books filled with lesbian characters. For that, you need 50% of the female population to be gay.

On to the reasons why. I remembered briefly a long time ago, a conversation between several people debating about the possible numbers of lesbians and gays. One of them quipped, "That's not possible! If these are their numbers, that'd make homosexuals more than the number of Jews worldwide!" Apparently, we must be less than the numbers of Jews. 😅

But more seriously, every time I come across such straight people who love to write verbose passages on statistics about gay people, notably on lesbians, they'd always lay their premise something along the lines of "There mustn't be allowed to exist too many of such gay people around". I think we have to acknowledge that a lot of straight people are incredibly uncomfortable with our existence. And we can certainly expect a clear degree of inaccuracy or outright falsification in every statistic.

Now, some may ask then, what about the amount of lesbian visibility? To this, I recall an old quote that says "The ability to be a lesbian is a privilege" or something like that. And this is true. One can only live out a life fully as a lesbian if the two conditions are largely met. And that is, women's human rights and modernecy.

Women's human rights: The ability to go to school, get jobs she qualifies for, own property, the ability to choose her own path in life (family is not allowed to sell her, women aren't thrown in jail due to social control (ex.middle-east)), and access to birth control/abortion.

Modernecy: While half of it is the modern standard of living and the digital era, the other half of it is to mean a society which largely focuses on individual pursuits and are thus loathe to wide-scale police or put in the real effort to overly police these things. Medieval acts like torture are usually considered uncouth. Homosexuality is largely de-criminalized or a grey area that is usually unpursued, regardless if the public at large is okay with gay people.

In the absence of enough of these, lesbians won't be visible as they will face great difficulties in living life authentically. This is because I've been hearing some people comment about not seeing enough lesbians. But from my point of view, there won't be much visibility or a wide environment if these conditions are not met. I consider the actions by the gender/identity/trans group a massive attack, where lesbians are metaphorically criminalized. Thus I expect lesbian visibility to drop a lot in the time being where this is present.

There are some places where there isn't much of the gender/identity/trans eclipse. However, this is due to higher mainstream homophobia, where society, corporations and the government will distance themselves from LGBT folks and/or penalize them. The interesting thing I noticed, is that a lot of the gender/identity/trans cannot survive or thrive without mainstream approval. They are extremely dependent on it's coddling, attention and validation. When this is removed, they will either drop their fetish or go incognito and bide for a more favorable time to alter laws.

Whereas since lesbians/gays/genuine bis are a real orientation and not a validation fetish/plot to attack others, lesbians thrive pretty well as long as they have freedom and are undisturbed.

So in these places, even with higher mainstream homophobia (but with gender/identity/trans greatly reduced), the two above conditions are mostly met. This results in a kind of freedom which lesbians/genuine bis actively make good use of and flourish. I know that one day it will be attacked as patriarchical society will never allow women to freely lead their lives. So, anyway, this is what makes me think that lesbians are more along the lines of 10%. But you need an environment that allows you to get to see the full picture.

Although, there is one caveat I must make. And that is, lesbians aren't exactly uniformly spread out. I'd say the population is scattered all over the place. Some areas will have lots of lesbians. Some scenes will be dead. So you can't just base numbers on one region or country.

To answer your last question, I'm sort of a part of a lesbian acquaintance friend group that I knew about 2 years ago. Amongst the seven of them 2 are more seriously attached (living together with their girlfriend/partner), the other two are dating with one hoping to move the relationship in a more serious direction if things turns out well. The other 3 are single.

On the point, as an example, I was browsing through some lesbian couples on a previous day. A few of them could be pegged as almost living the dream. You know, two pretty women together, that sort of thing. However, despite their attractiveness, they are just normal people like you and me. They aren't multi-millionaires or people who are famous. The lesbians are there. It isn't just 1%.

I was thinking that luckily homophobes don't get to see some of those couples. Otherwise they will wind down the statistics of our population to 0.005% and institute more homophobic measures, cause they are angry that we aren't troubled like the way they want us to be.

To end, this long post is meant to be an encouragement. Take heart! Lesbians exist in numbers more than 1%. And regardless of numbers, the real success for lesbians is the right environment and all the lesbians will be there.

votkriscan · 2020-09-04T03:56:48+00:00

Your friend is bisexual. There is no such thing as a lesbian magically turning straight, as well as a straight woman magically turning into a lesbian. I may sound like a broken record, the issue is again due to the gender/identity/trans matter and a new-age determination to be nonsensical. There is this current trendy thing, where there should be no such reality as orientation or biology (as it's limiting!) and we can/should be anything on this planet or everyone should be nothing on this planet. Plus trans ideology. If sleeping with a man = lesbian, and sleeping with a man = straight, then I guess all women are simultaneously straight, bisexual and lesbian at the same time!! Next issue, is some straight people using LGBT as a form of escape from some heterosexual hardships, where after they get to a point when they are over it, they will return back to their original heterosexual orientation.

Because in the absence of all these, I will tell you, you will be able to have actual lesbian friends in real life. I don't live in utopia. These places aren't utopia, but there is a notable absence of the above, and gasp! people know the difference between lesbian, bisexual and straight. And also, sexual orientation vs being unhappy with a man (or not liking PIV). What this means is that, you will know from the get-go whether she is gay or not, due to her being clear about it, or due to you being able to spot it. So, you won't end up mistakenly being led to believe a friend is gay when she is not.

votkriscan · 2020-08-27T09:16:44+00:00

I don't really have much red flags concurrently. This is because the lesbian app I'm using isn't supremely flooded with men at this point in time, which is really my chief concern. Due to cultural reasons, the threesome stuff isn't that popular. Curious straight women usually tend to prefer to experiment on a one-to-one basis, and they seem to like the butch/femme demographic more than mine (femme/femme). Also, gender/identity nonsense don't really exist.

I'd say the biggest issue would be women who are only here for virtual stimulation versus women who genuinely want to date. Because there isn't any real good way to differentiate such women just from looking at a profile. In part, this is due to the vastly different structure of the app.

votkriscan · 2020-08-26T02:51:34+00:00

Lions and sharks! There could be glowing underwater cities and on the surface, an amalgamation of nature and metallic structures. I wouldn't want any deities though. Society will be an equal one, in and out of itself.

votkriscan · 2020-08-20T21:05:57+00:00

Amen! Women are so beautiful! I think it's certainly part of the higher beauty standards foisted upon us. Whereas for men, they can look like they just half-way got out of bed.

votkriscan · 2020-08-20T18:18:35+00:00

Ah, sorry for the assumption. But you don't have to leave. Feel free to talk about yourself. Everyone certainly has their own opinions, but this is an accepting place where you can voice your thoughts without worry.

votkriscan · 2020-08-20T17:04:08+00:00

Her deletion is due to an argument with one/two of the other posters in another thread, in which she felt quite upset about.

votkriscan · 2020-08-20T16:47:06+00:00

Your post is a little odd, because if I'm taking what you say at face value it sounds like your friend isn't gay. And that is something you should have picked up on, considering how much you value these things.

For one, these "male friends" of her's do not sound like the kind of trusted friends that you know for years. If it had been, that might even have predated your own friendship with her, which means you would have mentioned them being longtime-friends in the first place. This sounds more like random male acquaintances who she is all too happy to allow into her personal space and even welcome flirting with her. And it seems that she desires to feel popular amongst groups of straight men.

I don't know any real lesbians with healthy mindsets desiring to be popular amongst groups of straight men. For example, in my current group of lesbian acquaintances, they do not have radfem beliefs. They don't even know what is that and naturally don't subscribe to it. However, they never had any roving group of straight male friends. In fact, they don't even seem to have any constant male friends at all. A lot of them are now attached with a girlfriend, so they currently don't even have that much time for full friendships as they are busy with their own life and their partners.

Now it may be due to differences, but a lot of people where I am are peer-socialized to be platonic friends with their own gender and date/be romantically involved with the opposite sex. What this means is that straight women will have her own group of female friends and you will see that cozy picture of her and her boyfriend together. For lesbians, it's the same, but with a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. In fact, for a lot of the pretty femme lesbians, when they post group pictures, majority of the time it's exclusively with female friends or a mixed group of women and men. I don't usually see a lot of one on one pictures with male friends or she being the only female with a big group of males. In fairness, they are higher femmes with largely feminine interests with the exception of some things like gaming. Even then, they game with other women half of the time. If your friend has more masculine interests, that might explain her male friends.

On the healthy mindset, I think some lesbians do suffer from internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny. For example, some lesbians may internalize being a lesbian as "man-hating" and thus may feel they should compensate and be a bit more friendly to men to prove that they are not "man-haters". There are some types of women who have the strange mindset of girls being "icky" and/or find it a badge of honor to hang in a boy's club and be considered one of the boys.

I personally don't buy the innocence or the low-self esteem unless she is very young. These situations aren't even rocket science or difficult ones to navigate. I grew up in a conservative environment and had my share of emotional burdens, but I knew what I was doing. I consider a difficult situation something like a woman trapped in an abusive/dangerous environment and having to strategize carefully, do a lot of pretending and even need to secure financial aid to leave her circumstances. I fail how to see in a generally free/safe situation, one could be "tricked" into unwanted advances.

And her "hetero" past raises a bit of a red flag. Perhaps she is actually newly bisexual, and you interpreted her as lesbian? If she is bisexual, it's will be normal for her to want male attention for dating.

votkriscan · 2020-08-19T17:08:26+00:00

I like your humor, and it's nice hearing the experiences of others.

I will share about how things are like on my end. Professional environments are stiffer over here, so people don't even really think to clock you as that would make things too personal. In a more social context, there is a great difference between straight women who are accepting of lesbians and those who do not. If she is a straight women who dislikes lesbians/homosexuals and either clocks you or knows that you are gay, then she will tend to have a colder sort of attitude towards you or even be unpleasant. There may be some of that "lesbians may perv on you" sort of thing but in general it's more of the above. And it doesn't matter if you are a butch or femme, you get treated the same.

Now for straight women that are accepting of lesbians, it's rather different. If you are a butch woman, she will get intrigued. If you are that rarer butch woman who looks like a male pop star, then she may flirt and hit on you as much as the straight guys that she gets crushes on. If you are a femme, you are treated normally, just like how they treat their fellow straight female friends. If you are femme/femme (like myself), they think your sexual orientation makes sense. If you are femme/butch, they will ask why won't you date men as well (if for example, you declare a lack of total disinterest towards men)?

That's how it's like here. 😃

votkriscan · 2020-08-19T15:31:53+00:00

Oh my gosh. Every time when I lapse into the faulty line of thought that the gender/identity/trans goon squad might not be so bad, this comes along to remind me to never be that silly again. First, the invasion of lesbian spaces. Next, the invasion of how women are attracted to other women. What is so difficult to understand that these and similar "labels" are about the varieties of lesbian/bi women and NOT about sexual orientation or gender? I'm really beginning to think I'm right when I once mentioned that it's mostly straight people who have moved themselves into "LGBT". This is why they have such difficulty fathoming attraction between women.

And this has nothing to do with "lesbians vs bisexual". Over where I am (little to no gender/identity/trans widespread rubbish), bisexuals have far more common sense and they just comfortably slip into these "labels" if it's applicable to them or they just don't use any if they find that it doesn't suit them, just like other lesbians who might not want to be either femme or butch, for example.

votkriscan · 2020-08-19T03:26:01+00:00

And I was merely sharing my thoughts as well, with a focus on how these ideas came into play.

Straight women often echo the things men aim at them. Many straight men abuse the word as a slur towards straight women. Something like, "Oh, if you are lesbian/feminist, you must be ugly, there's something wrong with you and no man or cool people would ever want you. Teehee." So some straight women have come to artificially fear the word, and also use it as a form of self-validation, where they attack others so they can feel they aren't "like them".

Personally, since I'm actually a lesbian, I don't care. I find the jealousy of these men amusing, and these kind of straight women childish and handmaiden-like. I only care about the opinion of pretty lesbians (from where I am from, for example), of which their mindset is rather different.

Straight women in their natural state (minus societal/religious influences) actually do not have a problem with lesbians beyond the "cooties" (like the imaginary assumption of lesbians possibly "perving" on them). They actually dislike women who are prettier than them even more. The psychology behind all of it is rather interesting.

votkriscan · 2020-08-19T01:00:08+00:00

East Asian, 30's.

votkriscan · 2020-08-18T23:32:31+00:00

I've never thought of lesbians as "ugly". There is no common sense to that. Your physical appearance has zero to do with anything except for the culmination of both of your parents genes. If both your parents are "ugly" or you take after the "ugly" one, you will come out "ugly" no matter how heterosexual you are. I find that these train of thoughts derives from two kinds of homophobia.

The first one is the thinking that all lesbians should magically be three times more beautiful than straight women. So when they see lesbians who don't match their fantasy definitions in their minds, they are bashed as "ugly". Even though I like pretty women, this is homophobic. Why should lesbians purposely have to look a certain way instead of being regarded as ordinary people? Literally, straight women who are not good-looking never face the kind of constant expectation and vitriol aimed at lesbians (unless they participate in social and feminist causes which makes them open to attacks from bigots). I never hear anyone say not good-looking straight women are the wrong type of straight just because they aren't very nice-looking. It's only if a woman is not good-looking and a lesbian, it's due to the fact that she is a lesbian.

The next is good old-fashioned homophobia largely by straight men, who are the ones chiefly responsible for parroting the "lesbians are ugly" angle. However, most of these men are ugly/neckbeards themselves, so it's quite irrelevant. Besides, straight men are often the least nice-looking, due to the fact that society and their dating demographic have the lowest expectations from them when it comes to their physical appearance.

votkriscan · 2020-08-06T22:07:22+00:00

I enjoy R&B, Jazz, Saxophone music and some cheese Pop. I can appreciate different types of music that sound good to my ears though.

If you like women who can play the saxophone, there's Candy Dulfur (youtube below). :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ME81SoWu5y0

votkriscan · 2020-08-06T21:48:48+00:00

The crux of the issue is the changes that happened. Back then, lesbians and gays were on the outside, due to straight society not accepting our sexual orientation. So, lesbians and gays formed community amongst ourselves to find each other. Now, a new "amazing" thing has happened.

Apparently, groups of majorly straight people feel that they don't fit into their own mainstream straight society or are into some things not considered mainstream, or are temporarily going through a "rebel" phase (some teenagers, for example). And a lot of them have decided to move themselves into the LGBT demographic/take on gender and identity ideology. What happens, is that lesbians end up being shifted out.

There are still places around the world, where this hasn't really happened yet. So, external community is still very old-school. Mostly lesbians, Bisexuals, some curious/wanting to experiment and a few bored straight women.

I think if what is happening in the west is solved, you will see lesbians "resurfacing" again. But it's a very long ride to have everything back to how it's supposed to be.

votkriscan · 2020-08-05T14:18:04+00:00

I fully support FDS (Female Dating Strategy) for what it is (in general, not the post). FDS is a heterosexual dating advice sub. It is not meant for women in same-sex relationships. The thing is, due to the sub being a bit more strongly feminist, women who experience a lot of misogyny and bisexuals also frequent the sub, which results in the post you see above.

Female dating strategy is about exposing the shitty/abusive things men do in relationships, emphasizing that men and women are completely different in how they think so you are equipped to approach situations with the correct mindset. Plus, avoid bad men and net good ones who will make decent relationship partners and fathers (for straight/Bi women). And it is about time women help each other avoid misogyny instead of bitch-fighting with each other over trashbag-type men, which is something I never understood about straight/bi women.

And FDS is not the only one saying these things about men. Genuine men have been making these exposes too. I've been watching some of these sort of videos of late. What drawn me was the raw attention to just how different men think in comparison to women. Because this fact isn't popular. Most people like thinking that men and women are the same and that egalitarianism could be had in a heterosexual relationship where everything could function like two women doing things together, except that can be fatal to straight women. Also, the exposure on how psychopathic men can be in ways that are even more insidious than women are incredible.

I truly believe men and women are completely different (in terms of thinking/mind-set). If not, for one, this sub wouldn't exist, and we lesbians wouldn't be having the problems that we do now.

The huge irony of the post is that the solution is what the entire FDS sub is all about. And that is, teaching strategies on how to find decent men, so straight/bi women don't have to be celibate or pretend to be lesbians, which hurts lesbians.

votkriscan · 2020-08-03T05:13:42+00:00

I feel you. There are places where there is a real dearth of lesbians around.

votkriscan · 2020-08-02T20:54:30+00:00

Your username really echoes your English roots! "Paintchips" reminds me of "Fish and Chips". :D

votkriscan · 2020-08-02T13:47:34+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I genuinely appreciate it. I would consider it just sheer luck at the moment, as even without the added matter, things already aren't anywhere near perfect for lesbians in this corner. North America definitely has one of the freest environment for lesbians before the nonsense started.

votkriscan · 2020-08-02T13:43:27+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I really like hearing about experiences from people in various countries, so that we can get a handle on how things are like for lesbians everywhere, which is something we don't really hear much about.

votkriscan · 2020-08-01T19:48:25+00:00

Intriguing! Thanks for making this. 😊

votkriscan · 2020-08-01T19:45:32+00:00

I would say Dr Debbie is also another rational Trans, who is against the bastardization of women and their spaces.

votkriscan · 2020-07-27T09:02:54+00:00

I did. From seven to college, which is basically my entire child/teenage hood, I attended Christian schools. Where I was though had a heavy scholastic focus, as there was a huge onus in the place to achieve educational results. There were definitely important things like prayers, worship, sermons and other Christian segments in class, but it's probably different from say, Christian schools in America or other places where distillation of doctrinal focus is more pertinent, and there might be heavy consistency on certain messages or even policing to ensure the focus comes across.

However, this didn't effect me much as the city/country itself was socially conservative. So, even if my school wasn't religious you can't really be out or talk about being gay anyway.

votkriscan